narcissistic mother is driving me insane?

I've been living unconscious bad patterning from my childhood. My mother left the family to pursue her career and she was scared of being violent. but she stayed married to my father (confusing!) and would be angry, fighting and emotionally/mentally abusive. I have never been able to tell her my feelings because it's always about her, she's defensive and makes me feel worse. She is incapable of being empathic and nurturing. I'm 36, yeah i know i should be over this but I'm starting my life over after waking up from unconscious bad learned patterns. I made the love of my life go away, i kept abusive relationships till he almost killed me and so i had to move home, I've got a lot of self hatred and self defeating patterns, problems with my identity and career. I'm living in an inherited house (very thankful), dad lives down the street, brother next door, mom visits dad. There's my niece who comes to my Dad's house 4x a week all day. So we go to my Dad's house but it's making me crazy to be there. My mother announced "i'm moving home and i want all of you to be happy!" she just told me she's keeping her big city apartment. so she's not moving home. so i cannot afford to have infuriating encounters with her. When i told her my feelings on changing her mind about moving home again she snapped and got mean. when she asked me'what's the root of your anger?" i said one reason is that you were a tortured artist, she said no mental illness. she can't even listen. This is my hell and she is a monster to me. I've been suggested to stay away from her but it's also stressful for me to keep my wall up and to consciously stay away from her. I am dealing with the root of my problems, she says she's open to listen but she's not. she is torturing me. I don't know how to talk to her. I'm losing my mind and am in a constant cycle of uncontrollable rage and sadness. thanks. do you know a way to talk to someone like that?