Would you like to comment my latest scribblings?

Question

Untitled
By Jonni F.

Chains were much too heavy
for the poor old man to bear,

So from his final bedside,
he gave us both a prayer.

"Forgive your mother, 
both of you,
your sisters too, I ask"
And in those quiet moments,
it seemed an easy task.

"Make peace with me, 
and know,
that I am always by your side".

When that final prayer was done,
the chains were gone,
he died.

neonman · Accepted Answer

I like this.  Well said.  Think about the last line.  Seems abrupt, which although you are probably meaning it to be still...  Maybe ' and he was gone...' ?

Edit: Goodbye Prayer
or Prayer Chain

Anonymous · Answer

I find the chain as a metaphor for lingering resentments or guilt a little heavy.

Elaine P...is for Poetry · Answer

This is very moving. My father's last words to me were, "you never gave us a moment's trouble." A beautiful glance at how a father viewed a daughter and I am grateful.

Keena · Answer

I like the metaphor of the chain.

I like the resolution.

There is a sense of peace at the end of this poem.

Danial · Answer

Neon's pov is in place.I mean the last stanza could be rephrased. Other than that its Well put.
P.S. I like the poet who entitles his/her poems

Edit : Free at Last.

Anonymous · Answer

Been at the same bedside.
In the end, it's all about love and forgiveness.
Isn't that interesting?  Maybe something we should work on during life?

Beautifully expressed.
ma

Trending News

Would you like to comment my latest scribblings?

6 Answers