Husband Wife Jokes!!!!?

What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying?

&

the other ensures U Continue to do so.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,. Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

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Wife Means???

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means?

Without Information Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says: No darling , it means :-

With Idiot For Ever

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Q: When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?

A: On their Wedding !

Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: Why doesn't the India law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!!!

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Life paradox:

What u want u don't get (luv)

What u get, u don't enjoy (marriage)

What u enjoy, is not permanent (girlfriend)

What is permanent, is boring (wife)

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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ?What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

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Wife:honey,what r u looking 4?

Husband: nothing

Wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?

Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

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Best Break-Up Letter Ever!

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from

his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,

since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.

I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,

Becky..............

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any

snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other

pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.

Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to

me.

Take Care,

Ricky

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God's E-Mail....

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on.

He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So He called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while.

When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

Well, He thought for a moment and thought maybe He'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good." God said this was not good.

So, He decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that e-mail said? .

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Oh, you didn't get one either, huh?

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A man wanted to talk to GOD. So as to achieve it, he went to the top of Mt. Everest and started his prayers, standing in one leg.

After few months of continuous prayers GOD appeared in front him.

Looking up, he asks the Lord...

"God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

The man asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Man again, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "Wait a minute."

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That Was for Today Come Back Tomorrow........