Why do people give up on their marriages so easily?

Marriage, good communication, takes a lot of hard work and most people aren't willing to spend the time that it would take to save their marriage. They want to throw their hands up in the air and say "Oh, well" and out they walk. The words that they vowed to each other mean next to nothing when the times get rough. Getting a divorce is easier than the hard work to keep it together is.

Personally, I believe it should be much harder to get married, i.e., a year waiting period between engagement and marriage, marriage counseling for at least six month beforehand, and I believe that both should have to be at least 25 years old. In fact, women 25 and men 30. People would know each other better and, with counseling, might be willing to work harder at saving their marriage. If children are involved they should have to go to more counseling before they can even apply for a divorce. After that it should be easier and cheaper to get out of the marriage.

My opinions only, of course.

it's good that you feel that way. and no you're not the only one who feels that way.

Now the hard part is to make sure you marry someone who believes as you do.

If your spouse doesn't believe the same thing then you can work on the marriage all you want but one person working to save the marriage can't save the marriage.

Talk more with your fiance and make sure the two of you are on the same page going into the marriage. The large divorce rate is your evidence that a great many people don't take that into consideration. They marry someone assuming they feel the same way. they marry someone hoping that they will change. they get too focused on planning the wedding and don't spend enough time building the marriage. They are in love with the idea of marriage but have no clue what is actually involved. Make sure you are entering the marriage with your eyes open and not dazzled by the sparkle of the ring.

imho, the reason women are so quick to divorce is because they married for the wrong reasons. they didn't really think past the wedding, or keeping up with their friends who are getting married. it's just a means to an end.

(before branding me sexist, i point to a study of same sex lesbian couples. Their divorce rate is 2.67 times higher than heterosexual couples.)

in other countries, marriage is a serious decision, that usually is made not only by the couple, but by both their families as well.

Here's a quick checklist of things you should think about:

Things that undermine marriages:

1. Argument style: research shows that nearly all couples fight about the same things. However, how they fight is the best predictor of impending divorce. You want to pick someone who has the same argument style as you, whether aggressive or passive.

2. Money: no matter how much you make, money will be tight, and often there won't be enough. Children, mortgage, and medical bills eat through savings. Understand that this will be a huge source of stress in the marriage.

3. Time: Many women see no difference in value between working for a paycheck, housework, or grocery shopping. Men, on the other hand, put too much value in their paychecks. Men feel that they "earned" the right to avoid housework since they (usually) bring in more money. All couples should sit down and discuss a compromise where both individuals feel that the other is doing "their fair share."

4. Sex: men see this as their right as husbands. Women see this as something only necessary to conceive (not all of you, I know.) But, when a woman suddenly declares her body is her own and never wants to have sex again, that's when husbands start dialing lawyers. But again, this goes back to the idea of gears I mentioned above, and few if any men would break that tooth off.

You aren't alone in this no. After 21 years of marriage myself, I believe that MOST divorces are the result of TWO people failing to put their partners needs, wants, desires & happiness FIRST and letting selfishness and pride become a stumbling block to happiness and success in marriage. Bottom line.

Of course it doesn't help that society has become a THROW away society, if it isn't easy, convenient and QUICK then we don't want to bother with things...including marriages. We are so caught up in the material, the temporary, the appetites and the lures and temptations of the world that we lose sight of what is truly important and lasting.

You are right. A good lasting marriage takes effort, work, forgiveness, endurance and just plain getting over ourselves and sticking to it come what may! That was how families & marriages USED to be thought of and we see what they have deteriorated into nowadays. Look at the things that the WORLD accepts as ok, normal - pornography, drugs, excess, self indulgence, lack of self control, vanity, over spending, over working, mostly things that matter little and fade or go away with time or age.. I think you have a great attitude about it and just keep that first and foremost WITH your spouse and you'll be a success!

I don't think its always that people give up so easiliy, but it is especially hard on a marriage if you have one person that feels the way you do and will do whatever they can to save a marriage. But the other person see's the marriage as something that will always be there and abuses the relationship, lying, cheating, addicition, financial woes, etc.

Everyones grandmother went through a time when you stayed in marriage no matter what... but times have changed and we have more opportunity and choice now... I mean, if you husband came to you and said he was gay then would you still stay married?? If your husband physically abused you, you would still stay married? Are you serious, that if your husband consistently cheated you would stay???... whatever the cause is if he constantly wanders out of the marriage is not respecting your vows... so why stay?

I think that alot of people, yes, do give up easily... but if the other person is unwilling to go to counseling or accept that their behavior is detrimental to the marriage then why would you stay married?

Your scenario is assuming that both parties are willing to work through the problems... but nowadays, both parties are not so willing to work through their marital problems... so what then, what if you have one spouse saying they are willing to go to counseling and one that doesn't? what would you stay in the marriage for?

I feel that way also. People get married these days and don't stop and realize that they will have many problems along the way. Instead of working things out they rush to see their attorney. Then they go and get married again over and over. It seems like some people do it until it's right. Then some people never do get it right. Some people do need to divorce especially if there is abuse. The people that sometimes need to divorce are the ones who usually stay together for life through the good and bad times.

Its not that people are giving up so easily but rather that now society accepts you if you are divorced. Ask your grandmother how or what people thought of a divorced woman in her time, and ask yourself or your friends, what people think of divorced woman now. Its very different, in early times, being divorced had very negative consequences. People had negative opinion of you, life was hard, and mostly, what do you do now that you are divorces. Many women had no skills beside housekeeping/being a wife/mother. So what does she do now. But nowadays, woman are educated, they skills beside being a homemaker, and nowadays there are agencies available to assist you in your divorce process. So that is why divorces happen.

You should go to pakistan or india etc and meet women there. They haven't given up on their marriage, and not because they want to work at it, but rather because one what will they do, as they have no skills, two, no support system, and three society will make life hell. In pakistan, there was a case recently, a woman after 10yrs of marriage applied for divorce, and based on what islamic definition of marriage is, she proved that her marriage was over, and the court granted her divorce. Her parents shot her in the courthouse. She worked 10yrs in the marriage but finally gave up not just marriage life, but her life too. Times are different in North America/Europe, not in other parts of the world.

As for giving up on marriage, no one likes to give up on marriage, but there comes a time when you have no choice. Of course, some people give up the first time around, but come on if its the 20th time, do you really think its worth it to spend all life waiting for one moment of happiness, that you may not even get. And sometimes, its the other person who doesn't want to live with you, so how long should you try before you also agree with him/her and leave?

So its not giving up, but rather being able to give yourself a chance to have a happy and better life, for you and if children involved for them too.

You sound you have a great morals and head about you.

Yes some folks have lost respect for the marriage.

Agree with you on our generations before us.

With me working with the public the things I have to deal with and some men are abusers,they rather blame their wives for everything.

In which there are laws against that sort of thing.

There are men are devoted, love and cherish their wife's and do no harm to them. And the wife's do the same in that marriage

Because marriage isn't sacred any more as a matter of fact nothing is these days people rush into marriage thinking if it doesn't work i'll get a divorce.

The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. Learn here https://tr.im/dHbcQ

If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.