What do you think of my writing? PLEASE READ!?

Okay, so I am an aspiring novelist, and this is the piece I am working on right now. It is only the prologue and beginning first chapter, but maybe later I'll post more later if enough people would like to read it. It is about a girl named Odette who gets turned into a swan; it follows the line of Swan Lake, but is a different in a few places. Please read and comment. Be as harsh as you need to be, because this is just a first draft. =D

I felt like my body was turning inside out, my heart and soul peeling back to sow fresh skin. The inside of me burned as if I swallowed a torch and my head felt like thousands of pounds of icy water were submerging it under the ocean. It hurt to think, breathe, and see, so I shut my mind off from the world and let the pain come. The pain rained down on me like poisin-tipped arrows, biting into my flesh, making my blood run silver. i opened my mouth in a cry of agony and torture, but nothing came out except for gasps of quick breaths as my lungs shrunk and transformmed. I fell to my knees, sinking slightly in the spongy wet sand and, trembeling, pulled my arms around my head. I felt none of my hair, just soft downy feathers. My head felt lighter, and I could breathe more clearly now. My arms were getting shredded by the sharpest blades of our countrie's mightiest's swordsmen, and my face felt like I had just fallen out of my our castle's highest turrett and faceplanted. As long as it had taken, the [pain] was finally gone, and my heartbeat fluttered erractically trying to calm down. I looked up and out into the lake where I caught my reflection and put a wing to my cheek; I was a swan.

I longily stared out of my open window, gazing down onto the fresh green lawn where my little siblings played. Artemis and Gabriel, twins of eight years, chased Terrance, their small terrier, around the fountain. Liam, who was 12, was batteling fiercly, whaking a wooden sword with the son my uncle Horatio. Edward, at age 15, was most likely going on a ride with father, leaving me out once again. Just one day I would like to spend without learning proper grammar in French, latin, as well as Engligh or memorizing the many heads of state plus their family's complete history. It was terribly dull, especially with no one studying with me. At least this was my last year of studying the boring things, because once I turned 15 tomorrow night, it was marketing season; at least that's what I called it. My mother and father would summon all of the richest available suitors in teh surrounding kingdoms. They wouldcome in flocks, hordes, and stampedes of handsome men with wavy black hair who were mighty with a sword and knew how to treat a lady right. Uch, how bland could you get? It's like it would be a crime for them to have a little personality. My freedom from studies also meant that would have more time for just reading whatever I wanted. No pressure of memorizing poems or pointless tidbits from novels- at least until I married. I huffed and leaned out the window a tad further, hoping one of my brothers would notice me and invite me out to play. I could almost catch a glimpse of Liam's bright red hair again when the sleeve of my gown brushed against the inkwell, and it tipped over. It splattered over the nice clean sheets of paper I had laid out, as well as making a neat stain on the front of my bodice.

Miriam, my advisor, woke up with an unladylike snort from her lap, and gasped at my spill.

"Princess Odette, what have you done? The queen will be furious if she finds out that you have ruined yet another dress. Come, come. Let's wash that off before anything else goes wrong, shall we?" Miriam took me by the crook of the elbow and hustled me out of my studying chamber and down the hall into my bedroom. She quickly called Felicity and Sara Rose, two flighty overly-fememine maids, into undress me and slide me into yet another dress.

This one was a goldenrod yellow with deep green embroidery and a lighter asparagus colored sash. I really could dress and undress myself, but mother wouldn't hear of it. She says a proper lady of the court is always better off having other people do things for her, so i comply. Besdes, it is always so dificult gettiing the top buttons butoned on my backside. I thanked and dismissed the ladies in waiting, who gracefully curtsied in return and left the bedroom gossiping behind their cupped hands. Miriam left a few minutes ago, saying something about the phesant not being cooked to it's full potential. So she made sure a guard was stationed outside of my door and finally left me in peace; and alone. I just looked around the blue, white, and black room, wondering waht in the world i could do. I might not even have much time left. I walked up to my hude mirrow, and saw in the reflection my kitten, Georgianna. Trailing behind was Odile, the 15 year old daughter of my mentor. She had very hawklike features, like her father, with shiny ebony hair down to her waist, bony ang