domestic violence help for the abuser, not the victim?

there are plenty of groups that he could attend that will help him with his anger. he could also get on medication. i have an anger problem, and although ive never hit my husband, i have hit my ex. so i got on meds to prevent things like that from happening with my husband, and it works great. the weird thing is, i never was abusive toward the guys i dated, until i was the victim of a violent relationship. ive been to counseling for it and it really helps. its wonderful that he realizes he has a problem and is willing to get help. this is the first step ion the right direction.

In domestic violence cases, it's very difficult to tell who is the victim and who's the abuser. Studies have shown that in 50% of these fights, the violence is mutual (they both hit, kick, punch, choke, and throw things at each other). While in the other half, it's equally divided between the the sexes as to who initiates the violence without the other responding in kind. That being said, because men are larger, two thirds of injuries are to females while only one third of men require medical treatment. Please realize also that false accusations of domestic violence are made overwhelmingly by women who seek stay-away orders from the court in separation and divorce cases which results in the man having to immediately vacate his home without the ability to collect his belongings or even his confidential papers needed to defend himself. Most men never see this coming, can't talk to their children, and must find accommodations without even access to their own bank accounts. This is what the feminists have worked for under the heading, "EQUALITY".

As a psychologist, I would suggest a three fold approach. First of all, individual counseling for him. Second of all, marital counseling for the two of you. Lastly, an anger management support group. This really would give him the best chance at tackling his domestic violence issues. Domestic violence is not something to be trifled with, so if the two of you want to stop this, I suggest going at it head on and full force with these three things. Sure, he could just do one, and it could work, but if it doesn't (which, domestic violence is often compared to addiction issues in its hardness to get over, so I could say that simply one approach has a fairly poor chance of fully helping his issues), he'll be less likely to try to change his behavior in the future, thinking he can't. This will give him the best chance at dealing with his issues. He can deal with his personal psychological issues that have lead to this, the two of you can deal with how this has affected your marriage (trust me, it has, and it's best to deal with it up front), and he can get support through others dealing with this same thing in anger management support groups so that he doesn't feel alone, isolated, or like the only one who has ever had this problem. I commend you for trying to stand by him as he works out his issues, but I do think you need to do everything you can to stop this, and I also suggest seriously sitting down and asking yourself when it will be enough for you to walk away. Marriages should be worked on when necessary, but no one deserves to be physically or emotionally abused either. If you want specifics about counselors or groups in your area, contact your primary care physician. He or she should be able to refer you to a counseling clinic, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. Or if you are in the open about this, you could ask for referrals from friends. Whatever you do, make sure that whoever he sees for individual counseling and marriage counseling is a good fit. If you don't feel comfortable with the counselor, you're probably not going to get much out of the counseling, so it's an important thing. Give it some time, but if it's not clicking for him, let him know it doesn't mean that counseling isn't helping him, he might just need a different counselor with a different counseling approach. Also I would suggest counseling for you as well. Being emotionally or physically abused or dealing with someone with violence issues takes a toll on people, and it can't hurt to talk to someone, to vent about it a little bit. I hope that helps.

the best help for a abuser is jail that's what i did when my ex husband abused me they are anger classes if he really want's help

Sorry, but a tiger never loses its streaks.

Cheaters, liars and abusive men never change.

Get out before it's too late...and he puts you either in the hospital..or the morgue!

well tell him to see his doctor but this could just be a game as few abusers rarely change

go online and look up areas near you that offer those services..

i'm sure there are plenty.. maybe go to a counsler and they can advise you

he needs anger management and than both of you need counsellings right away..

Heard that one before, you should leave before its to late..

he needs counseling. and so do you.