Could you PLEASE review my story? :]?

This is just a random passage from the story I'm writing:

I crouched behind a pine green bush, just like my dream. The wind whistled loudly in my ears and pulled off my hood. My eyes darted around wildly, my mind still having second-thoughts. Pull yourself together, I told myself sternly. I had made my decision and it was too late to turn back now. I was just going to have to go through with it. What was the worst that could happen? I shuddered just thinking about the worst. I squinted up at the moon, almost time. I was planning my entry based on what I remembered from my dreams. Maybe that was unwise since I had never actually been able to enter the castle but I feared I would freeze up if I had to play it by ear. I took one last glance at the moon before crawling up the steep hill. The grass swished loudly with each step. I stopped to be sure no one was coming. When I reached the peak of the hill I bent my knees so that anyone looking from the windows wouldn’t see me. I moved forward. A door swung open loudly. I froze in shock. It banged shut and I heard someone marching toward me. I instinctively backed away a couple of steps, right into someone.

Someone yanked ferociously on my arm. I yelped in pain and spun around. I stared, frozen in horror at Evan’s leering face. This wasn’t like my dream, I had depended too much on it and now I was in trouble. He fixed his cold eyes on me, observing my terror with amusement. I tried to speak but no sound would escape my mouth. I was finding it hard to breathe. I tried to wrench my arm away from his iron-clad grasp but I couldn’t even turn it. I moaned in pain and he grinned maliciously. He raised an eyebrow and released my arm. I cradled it in my chest and cradled it.

“Listen Evan,” I began. He looked at me murderously. My voice shook. “I-I don’t really even know why I’m here but.”

He cut me off. “You know exactly why you’re here,” he growled furiously. I gulped.

“Well yeah, I suppose, but.” He interrupted again.

“How do you know,” he asked. “Has Gaila told you?”

“No,” I almost shouted!

“Liar. I know that you know and there is no other way you could have found out. No one has in centuries. Are you telling me that it was a teenage girl who finally discovered our secret?” I opened my mouth to reply but I was knocked over by a shattering force. I found myself on the ground, gasping for air. I tried to sit up but I was forced down again. I felt my arms being pinned down.

“I’m afraid Gaila won’t be here to help you this time,” Evan whispered, inches away from my face. His hot breath made me turn my head away. He laughed harshly and turned it back. He freed one of my arms and instead immobilized my jaw. I tried to move it but I found myself incapable of doing any such action.

“Help me with what,” I asked; my voice barely more than a whisper?

“Maybe I should show you,” Evan snarled. My forehead crumpled and I looked at him in bewilderment. He abruptly stood up. My head bounced back and forth; all this sudden movement was starting to make me dizzy. Before I knew it, I was being dragged across the wet grass. There was a bumpy groove of rocks and Evan headed towards it. I trashed around to no success. He halted and glared at me.

“I suggest you stop struggling and shut up,” he warned. I realized I was sobbing. “Unless you want to go over those rocks,” he threatened when I didn’t stop. I shook my head violently. I tried to stop my crying but failed. He exhaled sharply and continued on.

“Evan stop,” I tried to command him. “I don’t think Gaila will be too happy if you kill me and then eat me or whatever you plan to do.” He sniffed proudly.

“I think I can handle my own little sister,” he assured me. There was an evil glint in his eye that made me stop with the empty threats.

“Please,” I pleaded pathetically. I shrieked as something chiselled into my head: the rocks. I tried to move my head up, avoid the rocks but it was no use. They were too rocky and high, wherever I desperately swung my head, I hit them. I trashed around wildly. He didn’t appear to have even noticed. I screamed as a large gash appeared on my forehead. The red blood oozed everywhere and I tried to stop its flow. Evan opened a door and pulled me harder. I kept limp now, looking at the floor. People passing by gaped at us. “She’s human,” one of them muttered. He took large bounds up a marble staircase. I decided to put all my energy into keeping my head off the floor. My hands were cut and scraped and there were several smaller cuts in addition to the large slash on my face. We rounded a corner and stopped. Evan knocked twice on a large, wooden door with a gold frame. He walked back and threw me carelessly into the corner. He sat an ivy covered bench and yawned. I saw dark, grey bruises under his eyes. Every now and then he peered over at me and smirked but he mostly kept himself busy reading a book in a language I couldn’t understand. I was breathing raggedly,