some help with an assiment!!!!?

a man bought a camel from a shop keeper. as the man was about to go off on the camel, the shopkeeper said,

"to make it go say few and to make it stop say god."

so the man went of on his journey. He was coming to the edge of a cliff when he forgot the word to make the camel stop. he prayed

"oh god, oh god please help me" and the camel stopped.

"phew!" he exclaimed and the camel went over the cliff.

hope this helped :)

An Irish chap did not have a lot of money but he

badly needed some transport to get to work each day.

He was passing the car sales one day when he saw a

sign which said `Ostrich and trap for sale - Cheap`

so he enquired about the price and it was £50.

"Can I take it for a trial drive" he asked "Certainly" they said.

Off he went the big legs of the Ostrich going quite well.

He comes to the motorway and thinks "Why not"

As he turns onto the motorway he flicks the reins

and the Ostrich responds with quick acceleration.

At fifty miles-an-hour the Ostrich,trap and Paddy Zoom

off the road and end in a big heap.

Paddy phones the garage and the mechanic comes out.

After examining the trap and the Ostrich he says to Paddy

"Very sorry mate but your big end has gone".

it's not really a joke, but it is funny and a little heartwarming.

Puppy Size

'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to

This animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since

we started all of this,' the mother told the volunteer.

'What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked.

'Puppy size!' replied the mother.

'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.'

'I know... we have seen most of them, ' the mom said in frustration...

Just then Danielle came walking into the office

'Well, did you find one?' asked her mom. 'No, not this time,'

Danielle said with sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the

weekend?'

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed

'You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's

always a supply,' the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. 'Don't

worry, I'll find one this weekend,' she said.

Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her.

They both felt she was being too particular. 'It's this weekend or

we're not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration.

'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday

morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the

section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of

the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could

see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted.

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to

take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held

each one.

One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.'

It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup.

The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up

the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.

'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!'

She screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'

'But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the

last few weeks,' Mom said.

'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,' she said.

'Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!'

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know

whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did

a little of both.

'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home

from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the

right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said.

Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves

me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. and think of all the puppies she looked at :DDD

It's clean but a little bit rude!

UNETHICAL DUTIES

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said "Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you're the first..."

This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, "... but they probably weren't veterinarians...!"