Australia or hang on in there.?

I think she's probably right.

The problem here is that all the issues regarding your affair haven't been dealt with, and until you do there is no moving forward.

She obviously still has a lot of anger and pain over this and what you've tried to do it cover it over for these last years as opposed to repairing it.

I hate to jump on the 'counselling' bandwagon but it helped me and my wife through a very bad time, we had to do a lot of honest talking which hurt a lot and cleared the air.

The counsellors do not tell you to stay together, they facilitate the discussions and help you decide to what's the best thing to do.

Leaving the country or even moving around the corner is simply running away from the problem, it will still be there when you get back in a month or even 5 years later.

She will imagine (as you will with her ) your having a great old time, sleeping around, etc, etc and it will only cause more damage.

There's a problem to be solved, deal with it now or it'll be the end of this relationship.

Hi

From what you say it seems your relationship never truly recovered.

Before you make a final decision about going to Australia I suggest a few things to consider:

1. Do you believe the relationship is worth saving? This really is the most important issue you have to deal with.

2. If you want to try again you must communicate with your wife, perhaps a letter explaining how you feel and asking how she feels about the situation.

3. Depending on the response you receive (if positive) then listen and accept her feelings.

4. At this stage I think some form of couple counselling (Relate) would help.

Again it all depends on your response to the first question.

Also going out to your brother may provide the break you both need.

HTHs

2.

That depends on what you value most.

Your reputation as an OK guy (who has an affair within a year of marriage)

Your freedom to gad off to the far side of the world OR

Your marriage,

If 1 or 2, go or not; it hardly matters.

If 3 Apologise to your wife, go to Relate together and work on the relationship.

Having an affair is not just a 'mistake'; it is a conscious act of betrayal.

She wont let you live with her and wont let you live without her! I'm sorry but that is not good. I'm sure finding out about your affair was hard to deal with and it still hurts but for as long as she holds onto the past she's gonna continue to make sure you're miserable too. Remember, she chose to take you back. She can't have it both ways - as much as she thinks she should. Nobody has the right to fool around with someone else's life. If she wont go to some sort of counselling and wont make a decision within say a week I'd say get yourself onto the first plane. Good luck.

I'm trying to figure out the discrepancy in your question "my wife has kicked me out" and "my wife says if I go there will be nothing to come back to" Which is it?

It doesn't sound like there's much left in your marriage to come back to anyway. Once trust is broken, it's pretty darn hard to get it back. You might be best to call it a day and go to Australia. Hopefully you have learned from your mistake and realize what the consequence is of making "mistakes" like that......although adultry isn't really a mistake! It's a choice.....a bad choice!

Stay and try and work it out. Give it a bit of time and reassure her. Don't use the fact that you could go to Australia as a sort of bargaining chip - she will resent you for it and it will make her feel like you don't care. Also, take the time to really think things through yourself and talk talk talk to your wife! Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel.

If it doesn't work out after a reasonable length of time, maybe go to Aus. New start and all that?

without knowing all the fact .....its been 8 yrs and i dont think she is going to get over it ...

you have to sit and talk properly to her and be totally honest thats all you can do ..and say give it 6 months then start a new life

life and relationships are hard

only you can make this desision

good luck x

sorry but i think your best not taking advice from people who dont know the ins and outs of whats going on i think this has to be made completely by you. but i will say if it happened 8 years ago and she isnt over it yet will there ever be something to go back to