Could you take a look at my coursework & tell me what you think and how i can make it better?

Hope you like hospital food!

It was a cold dull day in early November. The sun was hidden behind thick grey clouds and was only managing to cast small sprays of light. The trees stood naked and tall; with each gust of wind howling through their skeletal like bodies. The area surrounding me seemed as though it was cloaked in a thin narrow mist, blocking out any other sight. As I was eager to arrive home, I accelerated what was remaining of my route and did not stop until I had reached my destination. You might wonder: ‘’why so eager?’’ well I was coming to that. It was that time of the year again and I did not wish to waste a second of it. Bonfire night had finally arrived, and this year, I was more excited than ever.

I quickly wrapped my left hand around the icy door handle, and speedily took out my key before unlocking the door. My heart was beating rapidly, sweat dropped from my forehead onto my lips, and I began to pant like a dog. When I entered my small cosy home, my mother was sat anxiously on the couch, waiting to greet me with a warm smile. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw me, and then asked rhetorically ‘‘are you excited then? I’ve got some biggens!’’

‘’I can’t wait!’’ I replied happily. She giggled in excitement before pulling herself up and heading for the back garden. ‘’Come on then, they’re about to start!’’ she said politely. I followed her with a jog; quickly glancing out of the kitchen window to notice the daylight had already crawled into darkness, and that is when the churning feeling began to make it’s presence known in my stomach...

When we arrived in the yard I took a deep breath of cool refreshing air; it tasted humid and dry, like damp paper. We started at the sky in unison to admire other people’s displays. ‘’Haha, are’s are betta!’’ my mum said with a grin look on her face. ‘’I doubt it’’ I said sarcastically. ’’Well it’s time to find out then init!’’ She exclaimed joyfully before strolling down to bottom of the garden to light our very first firework…

whooooosh!

The first rocket blasted into the sky, lighting it up as it exploded.

Boom! Went another one. ‘’The next is a biggy!’’ my mum grasped as she fixed her eyes upon a multi-rocket one. It had at least 50 holes, all eagerly waiting to pelt out 10 fireworks in a row. ‘’You’ll love this one Ben!’’ my mum smirked. 10 bangs, 20 bangs…wham!

A sudden, unexpected gust of wind had blown over the stand the fireworks were on, and the next ten were ready to explode…straight at me! ’’God no!’’ I screamed at top pitch, my stomach feeling like a washing machine, constantly turning and turning. My 12 years of life flashed before my eyes as I drifted into a subconscious haze. I remember the sinking feeling, the aching pain that was about to hit me like a car at top speed. Everything was in slow motion; the birds flying in the cloud infested sky above; the thick smoke drifting in the air; the shaking that consumed my body in fear…I felt sick with dread, just waiting for the firework to blanket me in smoke and fire, feeling so helpless and numb, the wait seemed like a lifetime, but then it hit me, right in the stomach.

I dropped to the ground shocked. My body immobilised and deadened.

Warm saliva rolled down my chin onto my neck. I lay still, and then from the corner of my eye I saw my mum run over to me screeching concerned words and then sit beside me, nursing and reassuring me I would be fine. Then I closed my eyes, and when I next awoke, I was in hospital.

I was knocked unconscious and awoke 3 hours after my skin graft operation. And as I did, the taste of anaesthetic clogged the back of my throat, almost choking me. The bed was uncomfortable and itchy, the pillow sending my neck into an aching world wind. ‘’Argh’’ I whaled, fighting with my duvet to release myself. I peered downwards to my belly, it was covered in bandages and sent a throbbing pain right the way up my body. Then the real pain flared. An excruciating, burning, ripping pain sent an electric shock up my spine. I stood up stunned and paralysed, and then my eyes found savour in my mother. ’’Don’t move sweetheart, you need to lay down, you’re gonna be okay.’’ My mum’s reassuring voice echoed in my head. ‘’What’s happened?’’ I asked worriedly, panting in the process. ‘’You were hit by a firework and it knocked you out. I called the ambulance as soon as it happened, I thought you were gonna die!’’ My mum replied. A few minutes after, a doctor dressed in a blue cotton tracksuit entered the room holding a brown coloured board. ‘’He’s going to be fine. After 5 weeks he’ll be allowed out. But the main thing is he’s alive.’’

Uncontrollable tears rolled down my checks, wetting the dry and pale skin. My mum asked what was wrong, but my sobs washed out any other sound. I was just happy to be alive, and next Bonfire we are celebrating it safely, INSIDE!

Thanks, I know it's alot. x