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Disclosing mental illness when dating someone you met online?
I've been talking to this guy online and he wants to meet up. Im wondering if I should tell him about my depression and related mental health problems before we meet up?
If it was someone I met in "real life" I wouldnt disclose in the early stages and let the person get to know me not my illness etc. But as this is kinda of a different situation is it best to give the guy a chance to back out now if it puts him off rather than going ahead with a meet etc.
Be good to hear people's experiences of disclosing mental illness when dating.
Thanks for any replies x
Lucky Bamboo-Thats a very good point, thanks. He lives in the same city as me and it's a small place.
16 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
The way I see it, you don't have to tell him yet. You are you, you are not your illness. You are not under any obligation to 'warn' this guy about 'what he is getting into', you should take each other at face value. You are not 'damaged goods', there is no reason why you should have to tell him in advance about your illness. Get to know eachother, and if you fall in love then that is great. When he does find out about your illness, if he is a decent person, he should be able to realise that you are still the same person and you just happen to have an illness. It just seems wrong to me that you should have to start out on the basis of 'by the way, I have a mental illness, do you still want me? Good luck.
- 5 years ago
Yes, as long as they live within 40 minutes of driving. After 2-3 emails, you should meet for a coffee date or lunch date at a halfway point. 45 minutes of light & fun conversation and you're done. Anything after that is no different than if you met them in the checkout line at the grocery store. Just don't talk about exes or marriage. No heavy topics. There are 4-5 reputable sites for dating. Remember: If the dating site is free, you are not likely to get your money's worth.
- Anonymous5 years ago
Think out of the box when it comes to dates. Do things that are unexpected and fun. You want her to feel like when she’s with you anything is possible. Learn here https://tr.im/J3OGy
She’s been on plenty of dinner-and-a-movie dates. Do a little research and find interesting places and things to do around town that’s out of the ordinary. There are hidden gems in every city. Also, get to know the owners of small restaurants and business. When your date is known by the people in the establishment, it feels more like you’re being invited into his inner circle. Just be aware that there’s a fine line between being impressive and showing off. Make sure that you make your date feel like you’re inviting her in and sharing instead of being a douche. It all goes back to intentions.
- 1 decade ago
I am and always have been open about my mental illness. My bf knew, it was on my myspace! And that's where we met. For him, it actually made him more comfortable, knowing that I was so open about it. Made him feel that I would be more accepting of his. He has OCD, but hasn't told many people. I haven't noticed any problems with letting anyone know I have BP, but from what I have heard, I have been lucky in that. Some people are always going to judge you negatively based on what they think of your disorder. I choose not to give a s*** what those people think. I have known too many good people with mental illnesses to do that, and won't put up with it from people around me.
It's basically up to you, though. I am very matter of fact about it, I don't look for or ask for any special treatment based on it. I want people around me to call me on it when I am getting bad, and they do. I am extremely thankful for that!
Source(s): BPII for 18+ years - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- frostbiteLv 61 decade ago
I wouldn't say anything, you might not even like him in real life and then you've disclosed such personal information. I would consider it a great way to get out of the house and maybe a new start. Tell him if he's still around in 6 months!!!
- 5 years ago
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I wouldn't tell him anything yet as it might scare him off. See how the meet works out first. When there is a relationship there - then is the time to be open.
- 1 decade ago
Be honest and go with the flow. Remember what we are learning every day. If you tell this guy about your illness and he backs away then he´s not the right friend for you.
I´ve got a question for you ..... Tell me exactly how you define "real life".
- 1 decade ago
umm well if this is a "serious" question, i think maybe u should let him get to know u for himself....if someone i met online told me that, i would already be looking for "mental" signs the minute i met them, and thats if i even went through with it. I ask if this is a serious question because im sure ur gonna get alot of sarcastic negative feedback.
- MouseLv 41 decade ago
interesting i found some of the answers good there i agree wait and meet him i would also print out the answers so if the relationship does get serious when you come to tell him, he will see that there was no deceit intended on your part as you sound Pretty honest to me.good luck