Type in a joke and i will give best answer to the best joke!?

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours

and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.

One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."

The other man replies,

"Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken."

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says,

"Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"

Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says,

"I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."

So the man humbly

returns to his friend.

"So what did she say?" asks the friend.

The drunk responded,

"She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather $hit in her pants."

$7.00 Sex

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says,

“There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He thanks them for coming and wishes them good luck,

He charges them $50 and says good bye!!

The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says,

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask.

Just what are you trying to find out???”

The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married and we can't go to her house.

I'm married too, and we can't go to my house ".

“SO…….we come here because”…………

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50

and I get $43 back from Medicare

A blonde went to get extra money. She went to a house saying she can do a paint job. The guy gave her a paint brush and paint. He told her to paint his porch. He knew she would be coming back for more paint. An hour later she comes back saying she's done the job and did a second coating. Then she says, "By the way, that's not a porch it's a Honda."

ok so two rich guys walk out of a store. the first guy the second guy "says to what did you get your wife for christmas?" he answers:"a car and a computer" the first guy says why did you get her a car and a computer? the second guy says "so if she doesn't like the computer she can return it an her new car. then he asks the first guy "what did you get your wife?" he answers a diamond bracelet and a vibrator" the second guy says "why a diamond bracelet and a vibrator" he answers "so if she doesn't like the bracelet she can screw herself" hee hee

i think a might have messed it up sorry

This joke is about a blonde:

A guy was watering his grass when his blonde neighbor came outside to look in her mailbox. The blonde looked inside her mailbox and scratched her head, she was very confused. She then went back inside her house. A couple minutes later, the blonde came outside and looked in her mailbox. She went back inside and then went outside several times. Finally, the guy neighbor told the blonde," Today is Sunday and we don't get mail today." The blonde said," My computer keeps telling me, YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

One day this man was driving for hours through the country side and needed to go to the bathroom urgently. He sees an old store off the side of the road, pulls up and proceeds to the bathroom. When he was done dumping his captains log, he looked around and noticed to his shock there was no toilet paper and a sign on the wall - "Sorry, there is no toilet paper, but if you wipe your **** with your index and middle fingers and stick them in this hole they will be licked clean." The man thought to himself that that was nasty and that he was not going to do that. So he sits for a further hour trying to figure out what to do, and eventually realizes that although its nasty, that he would do it. So he wipes his **** with his fingers and sticks them in the hole. Then a man on the other side slams two bricks onto the mans fingers so hard the unbelievable pain causes him to shove his fingers in his mouth.

Onions dont make Chuck Norris cry

Chuck Norris makes Onions cry

a german, irish, and american were on a plain (all men) and the irish says "i had sex 3 times last night and in the morning, my wife said i was great!" the german says " well i had sex 5 times last night and in the morning my wife said i was amazing" they ask how many times the american had sex and he replies "once" they chuckle and ask what did she say in the morning, he says "she said dont stop!"

Yeah i know it's cheesey but i think its funny:

Q: What happens when you punch a clock in the face?

A: You break its hands!

this is a blonde joke. so pl no one get mad.

there was a bar and inside the bar there was a magic mirror

if you told a lie it would suck you in.

so one day a brunette walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

the next day a redhead walked into the bar. she walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.