What gift can you give your wife that equals a vow of celibacy?

A vat of Oil of Olay wrinkle remover or a girdle. Two (2) months of celibacy if you include a spatula or trowel with the 1st choice or a crowbar with the 2nd since it's bad enough to imply she's old (wrinkled) or fat but the spatula/trowel or crowbar just ad insult to injury.

Any appliance that goes in the kitchen or a broom closet should do it. Weight loss products are a surefire way to end up on the couch, too.

Oh, and don't forget crotchless panties. Wives just love to get stripper clothing as a gift.

You should probably be asking a jeweler.