Can a virgin marry a non virgin and still feel special?

I would say if you feel comfortable enough speaking with your minister, pastor or preacher might be in order. If not, perhaps a spiritual counselor that neither of you know. Perhaps they can help you work through it or show you that the reason you are uncomfortable is because you are settling for something less than what you really want. You can't take back what he's done in the past of course and we all have to forgive, but I don't blame you if you feel that this isn't something you can live with. In the end you need to do what's right for you. It would be truly upsetting if you married him and gave your virginity to him and weren't completely comfortable with the situation. Virginity is a very special and precious gift and saving yourself for marriage is done for a multitude of reasons. If you aren't comfortable then you just aren't and there isn't anything wrong with that.

Life is not always fair. You can't control the actions or past of other people, you can only control your own choices. You have the choice of whether to marry someone who is not a virgin OR to look for someone who has also saved their virginity. No one is forcing you to be with someone who has been with other people. If you feel that you can't handle your future husband having a sexual past, then do not date guys who aren't virgins! Though you say there were other things that bothered you about this guy. It may be that if you truly fall in love with someone you will be able to let go of their past. I understand that you want things to be "special" in that way since you have worked so hard towards that goal. My bf and I have been together 4 years and are planning to marry. Neither of us have had other partners and I would be sorry if we had.

I believe too that it is unfair that you saved your virginity to your special someone and your special someone is an idiot who lost his/her. Everyone makes mistakes, yes, but a mistake like this can be easily avoided if you don't indulge in evil in the first place (sin doesn't start big it starts small and gets big gradually). I also believe that it's not about forgiveness but about being comfortable or not w/ someone. A person can only do two things, stay or leave... Do they still see the relationship working out until they get married, get old and die? (because what's the point of being in the relationship if not for that?) if yes, then stay. if no, then leave.

I was a virgin when I got married and my husband wasn't. We are both Christians. It was a similar circumstance to what you are talking about, where he was sexually active before he became a Christian and afterwards, he completely stopped doing all that. We were pure in our relationship with each other when we got married, and I think that's what counts the most.

For him, he does feel like he is changed, forgiven, new, to the point that it was nearly like his first time again on our wedding night. He felt it was incredibly special because it was with his wife in a committed marriage, and nothing like the cheap sex with a casual girlfriend. I can't read his thoughts, but he has said that it is a completely different thing and that he doesn't dwell on his past or engage in comparisons. I actually think he might appreciate it more because he has seen what sex is supposed to be and what it's not supposed to be. I am still "the one" to him.

For me, obviously it was special because it was my first time. I didn't feel awkward or less valuable because his sexual history was really not on my mind in that moment. He was. Expressing our love was. Before we got married, it would bother me that he wasn't a virgin and I had some concerns and insecurities about it. Honestly talking it over with him helped. But after getting married, it hasn't really been an issue. I know his previous experience is a separate thing from a distant past that has no comparison to our actual marriage bed. But you do sorta have to let go of the past, and choose not to beat him up about his bad decisions or feel insecure about yourself. If you don't think you can ever let it go, then you're right in not continuing the relationship.

Of course I wish we had both been each other's "firsts" but life isn't always that perfect, you know? And sometimes it did seem a little unfair. He regrets his past and really felt guilty that he couldn't be my first-- I think he felt worse about it than I ever did. I agree with you that there are consequences to people's actions... But I think God has redeemed our situation and allowed us to experience the joy of married sex as it was meant to be.

virgin marry virgin feel special

Well, from the looks of it, you feel very strongly about the fact that you have saved yourself for this person and he has not done the same for you.

My question for you would be... Are you will to give this guy up for any transgression that he committed before he met you?

It just seems to me that you may be being just a little bit harsh, I am sure that there have been many fruitful, and fulfilling relationships that were started with one partner or the other being a virgin, while the other was not.

\I am Christian and i understand. The thing is...you have to remember not everyone is lucky enough to grow up in Christ and if the one you love found them after making some bad choices think about this: Christ has forgiven them of their sins ( including sex out of wedlock)...and Christ has forgiven you of yours....now if you are wanting to live in the image of Christ shouldn't you adopt his attitude of forgiveness and unconditional love and realize that this person (you love) deserves to be forgiven of the things they did before they found Christ?

That doesn't necessarily answer your question, but it gives you something to take into consideration...

****I know it must feel awkward, but dont you think they feel equally as awkward and better yet, unworthy? They are a person too, regardless of whether or not they are legitimatly a virgin. If you love them all you should really feel during your sexual moments is that love you are sharing....It is just as special to them as it is to you...don't think it isn't.

I am a Christian male and I am still a virgin at 19. When I am looking for love in my life one thing important to me is that the women I met is a virgin too. I want her to be the one special person for me and I want me to be the one special person for her.

I understand where you're coming from, and know exactly where you're coming from. When my husband and I married, I was a virgin, he was not. What really helped me was thinking of it this way.

My husband had a life before he came to his faith. When he repented of his sins, God literally forgot them. Whatever he did before that, and whomever he did it with, God has forgotten. I understand you understand about forgiveness, and it's not about forgiveness. But if God's forgotten it, I should too. Remember, God forgives whom he will forgive, but of us it is required to forgive all men. I also realized that anyone my husband may have even loved before I came into his life takes nothing away from the love he felt (and still feels) for me. In some ways, it even adds to it, because he's experienced something completely different. He's even said that those he was with before me (and yes, there were multiple women) those relationships were a weak imitation of what he's experienced with me. Granted, we've been married for almost 21 years, but he said that when we were first married.

I find it interesting that you're viewing this as he's getting all of you but you're not getting all of him. I honestly never looked at my relationship with my husband that way. His past is in his past, and what counts is what we share today. I loved him enough, and knew that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, that I honestly wasn't too worried about his former girlfriends. I wonder if you're also worried about being compared to someone else in the bed--I know I was. Again, making love with your husband takes that all away--the 2 of you build your own relationship, it takes a while, but it IS just the 2 of you in that bed. I've never ever in my life felt there was a 3rd person in bed with my and my husband, and I've never once felt that I was being compared and found lacking in that area of our lives.

I can tell you this as well, he can't change his past for you. You need to either accept him for who and what he is, or you need to move on and find someone that lives up to your standards. However, my sister in law did that 3 times, tried to find someone who would live up to her standards...she's 54 years old and has never been married, and wonders if she let her chance for happiness slip by because she was holding men up to an impossible standard.

Look at your fiance as the man he is today, don't focus on the mistakes he's made in the past. If you cannot accept his past, then you won't be able to have a future with him. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but it's true. Either accept him as he is, or let him go. It sounds like if you let him go, it might be the biggest mistake you've made in your life. Good men are hard to find, even if they made a few foolish, youthful mistakes. Don't measure him based on stupid things he did when he was younger, measure him on what he's like today.

Good luck!

Maybe you can argue with yourself about how he didn't save himself for you, but everyone makes mistakes and everyone repents, so dont blame him. Plus, he didn't know you before he had those sexual relations with that girl. As long as you're sure he'll be faithful to you when you're married, then you should have no problem with it....