Please Read This!!! Just One Click Away!?

Question

I am writing a story/novel and I posted it on booksie.com and I need someone to read my story to see if it ok.

here is the link to look at the book.

http://www.booksie.com/young_adult/novel/eureeka66/another-being/chapter/


just click on the site and then come back here and tell me what you think of it. And what do you want to happen in the story?

Thanks.

Shwick · Accepted Answer

You tell the readers everything, you need to show.

RapierGirl · Answer

I liked your story.  Sounds interesting.  I think it would be better if you didn't have that much run-on sentences (is that what it's called?) or those short "I" sentences at the start.  A tiny bit of some grammar and I think a misspelling, but the story is pretty awesome.

brenna. · Answer

i thought it was okay.
i wanted to continue reading it at least.
you need some help with your grammar, and i think it would be better if you added more details. you should also make your chapters longer.
but other than that i thought it was a good start. [:

Simple Little Ways · Answer

use big words you wouldnt normally use. Its kinda choppy but I would LOVE to read more... when will you post more?

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Please Read This!!! Just One Click Away!?

4 Answers