How and when do you tell a child that their father is not their biological father?

okay first of all he is his daddy in every single way that matters right? and on the birth certificate there is no name right on the passport you could of stated unknown as well.....I would recommend having your husband adopt him legally, it is a fairly simple process. and I would recommend not telling him until him until he is a little older about 9 or 10 and able to fully process it.. and I would send him to a few counseling sessions so he can have someone to talk to and complain to and who is impartial and can tell him it does not make him any less of a father... because you and your husband can say it all you want but it will be more believable to him from someone not closely involved. When you do be sure to tell him how much he is loved and tell him together...I am saying this too you from experience my sister who is 11 years older than me was adopted by my father when she was 3 months old.. and they told her when she was 10.. because my parents felt she had the right to know.. and she did.. she never really had a desire to have contact with her real dad but she did talk to him once or twice when she was like 18 and she realized sperm did not make him a a father or man...he had abandoned her and went on to marry another woman and have other kids...who she also chose not to have contact with.. Your son will now who his parents are although he may be curious who is father is and you will have to be able to handle it if he wants to meet him..because it is his right to meet the man and judge him for himself and decide if he wants a relationship with him when he is older... it does not mean he loves either you or your husband any less... good luck

U and ur fiance need to go talk to his father and see where his head is at before telling ur son.

If he is still on drugs and a loser then u don't have to worry about him b/c all he is thinking about is when the next time he going to get high not ur son needs but, then u have to think about down the road if he get himself together and decide that he want to be in ur child life then he have every right and will take u to court for visition and if ur son finds out this way it will tear him apart worst then u telling him the truth now. People think that kids don't understand at this age which is not true.They r smarter then u think they r.The sooner the better for the child.

If u wait any longer then it can make him feel a lot of resentment towards u and ur fiance for not telling him and he will feel that his whole life have been a lie.

U and ur fiance need to sit him down and explain this to him together.

Just say it like this, U know that we love u and we will always love u b/c we care about u but,u need to know the truth about something.(Fiance Name) isn't ur dad, and we both waited for u to get older so u will understand. If he start to ask question about his real dad u have to tell him the truth. What ever question he have u have to be ready to give him a answer. The only answer that u can't give him is why his did chose not to be in his life but, u can let him know that his father life style wasn't safe for him at the time and u felt that u had to protect his well being so he will grow up in a good stable home and loving family. Don't try to give him any answers that only his father can answer for himself. I don't think he will ask to many question about him now but later on in his life he my get curious and this sudject will come up again. Make him feel as comfortable as possibly when u talk to him so when he start to feel that he need more answers later that u will always be open to him to talk to u and ur fiance. I don't think that he will feel no different toward ur fiance b/c he is all that he have known. Most of the time boys don't want to meet there dads after so many years of them not being there but if he ever decide that one day he want to meet him and his other family then u have to grant his wishes and let him do so.

Oh yes you must tell him the truth. I would suggest not giving him to much information, because of his age. I think maybe you could approach it like, what a lucky little boy you are, you have two Daddy's. Or maybe reference other children in the family who have step parents. I think if you do it now and not make a big deal about the "not really your Daddy" issue. You might be able to get the information to him without upsetting his world too much. Seek council with others in your family and you may want to start adoption procedures.

Here is how I see it; the one who cares for you, loves you, helps you with your problems, is there when you need them is your father/mother. Just because someone is your parent biologically. doesn't mean that they are your parent. (If that makes sense)

I don't think his bio father is coming back into lives. If he dose, it doesn't mean you have to take him back. He walked out on you, and you have a child and a finance. You have a family, unless you want him back. If he dose show up, maybe give him some advise, show that you have a family and don't need him, and try to get him out the door.

Your child has every right to know, but it's a hard subject to explain, especially to someone so young. Doing it now would be good, if you explain it right.

I say give it some more time!

Your son is 5yrs old, he's still at the age where he'll be confused when adults explain things to him. You start telling him that his dad is not is real dad and he'll start asking numerous questions that you as a parent will find hard answering to a toddler. Tell him at a age where he'll be old enough to understand and some what easy to explain.

I suggest not waiting until he's 13 and older, teenage hormones is not a good thing to mess with lol

If you tell him now he can proceess it and adjust. He calls him dad now and at 5yrs old is very unlikely to change that. Actually there are not 2 dads here, just one, the stepdad.

If you wait omg will he be pis.sed at you for holding the info.

You're nuts to wait a minute longer!

it takes less than 30 seconds to a father

it takes a life time to be a dad

as your son gets older you will no when the time is right

its a bit soon yet for him to grasp the full extent of your situation

but you have to tell him before he figures it out him self also any attempt by this other man to meet your son should be by your rules .