Separation, divorce and communicating with each other?

Question

I'm separated from my wife after being together 13 years.  She cheated.  I caught her before she did anything physical with the guy and she denied it.  While her emotional affair progressed, I kept bringing up what I was seeing and pointing out the absurdity of her lies.  She kept denying it.

I finally found something a year ago and confronted her.  She admitted what was going on.  For a month, she did nothing to reconcile with me or end it with him. l caught her again, gave her a week and told her I wouldn't be ignored.  I told her she had to move out.  It's been 7 months of living apart now.

I've offered forgiveness and told her we can work things out.  I have gone to counseling alone.  She has gone alone to counseling, but less frequently.  We tried one session two months back and she said nothing (by nothing I mean nothing).  We have a son and have to talk to each other.  She wants to chit-chat about work and friends but not address the issues.  We haven't had a meaningful conversation in a year and a half.  She just shuts down.  I refuse to participate because I don't want her in my life.  If she sincerely apologized, I could be open to a cordial relationship with her.  I don't want her as a friend.  I don't want her as a wife.  Quite frankly, I hate her.  

I know that for our son, we are going to have to either get along or fake it when we are all together.  I can deal with that.  In the meantime, am I right in cutting her off?  If you have been divorced or are currently separated, please let me know of your experiences.

craig b · Accepted Answer

One - look up divorcecare.com and go to this. The 13 weeks will bring you understanding that you don't have now. Go!
Two - Get the book "Boundaries" (Cloud / Townsend) and see where you have few or don't know how to implement them. Either way - you're in pain over this stuff and you need to realize why.

virgoen_4 · Answer

Sorry David you just can't keep up the pretence let her go and find some happiness with another before its too late you found her out doing what she shouldn't there are arguments upsetting both of you and I am sure its on your mind every minute of the day don't get hurt anymore mate seperate and sart again 
In every marriage there is suspicious surcumstances and one or the other is going to get hurt so take a f ew steps backward and think what you have gone through and whsts in the future 
It happened and it will happen again mark my words but you have to live with it so its thnk hard time
I was marrried 12 months we had a wonderful courtship and enjoyed everything we did together also mixing with other couples on outings but as the wedding day was getting near I got the ring and my new suit best man everything went well for a few weeks then I had to drive a truck and stay over nights in another part of the country and it was after 12 months a friend said I should find out what was going on when I was away she was going to a pub with a girlfriend got in with a dirty guy that got her pregnant and that was the end and I walked away and started a new life in Australia

D · Answer

Marriage is like a china plate once it is broken despite the crack being repaired it will never be of the same value.  Move on and enjoy your life. For the sake of the child be civil to each other.  Once you learn to live with what she has done the hurt will subside and it will become easier to communicate.  There are two sides to every story but normally a woman cheats because there is something lacking in her marriage. I cheated on my x now divorced 15 years and on good speaking terms more for the childrens sake.

Nate · Answer

As a child who has dealt with such a thing with my parents I can tell you you did the right thing. Be civil with her and talk with her to make sure your child is being raised by the both of you, but you don't have to deal with her any more then that, and if you hadn't left her your anger would have eventually shown through and yes, your kids would have noticed. YOu did the right thing.

jude · Answer

my ex never apologized to me for leaving to be with his lover, never wanted to reconcile, the only way out of an unhappy situation like this is to seek a divorce asap, the longer u wait for her to change and do right, the more hurt u become. i grew to hate him too. she odviously doesn't want to deal with it, or go back to u, so why continue to put off the divorce if she doesn't even want to try?

janelle a · Answer

I have been seperated for 18 months i find it very hard on the kids and it upsets me to see them upset.....in time you will get over the hate .....if ny ex would fix our marriage i would but he doesn t .....just make sure that you no longer lover her

charlotte t · Answer

you said you hate her. cut all ties with her.you can make other way to see your son with talking to her.

Trending News

Separation, divorce and communicating with each other?

7 Answers