Help...how do I build my self esteem and body image back up?

Don't all of you women out there beat up on me too quick.

It's your problem and there is nothing he can do to solve it for you.

I didn't say he has no guilt in this problem. I'm just saying he can't give you self-esteem. He did something which opened a wound you already had. It would have been great if that had not happened, but that is not what destroyed your self-esteem and body image. He violated your trust and your disappointment should be focused on his bad actions, not what you did or didn't do to cause it. I can assure you of one thing though: his action affected you, but is was not about you. Your body is not the direct cause of his behavior. How many of those celebs with "perfect" bodies are in the news over failed marriages? It would seem a perfect body is no assurance of fidelity or longevity. Don't take your body to task over this one issue.

Try to work through this with your husband. He knows he hurt you. He will think you are over it way before you are. It will not be because he does not realize how much he hurt you. It will be because the he does not tie his action to his relationship with you. He wasn't looking at these pictures because of being disappointed with you or as a way of displacing you in the marriage bed. He was looking at them because they were visually exciting and appealing. He can separate those two things in his mind. It's a male thing. I am sure you find it difficult to believe he has an intimate attachment to you at this moment, but he does. This is why I think men can look at porn or other women and not feel they are violating their relationship with their wife or girlfriend. "She means nothing to me. It was just a one time thing." I think the disconnect that allows this statement to ring true for them is that they have no feeling of intimacy toward that person or image. They are not emotionally invested in the relationship. They don't feel about them like they feel about you. "You and I still have something special, she and I don't." I know that's kind of warped reasoning, but I think men are capable of reasoning it out that way. I'm not saying it justifies anything, but I think it is plausible for the male psyche. That doesn't make it any less painful for you, or make him feel any less guilty or remorseful for doing it. It does however, I think, make infidelity of either a mental or physical nature easier to commit. "I love my wife , this isn't the same thing." A stiff pr*ck has no consience. That's one man's opinion anyway.

I would venture to say that the bodies of 85% of us go to hell by 35-40 years. Age and gravity are against us. Bad diet and lifestyle compound the process. Even if we don't get fat, we will wrinkle, our chins will sag, our skin will spot and thin, excess hair will grow, essential hair will thin and on and on. My point here is we cannot keep looking 18-25 forever no matter how hard we try. I don't think it's fair either. It then becomes our personal challenge to accept and deal with advancing age and the physical changes that come with it. Advertising will always feature the young and beautiful. Movies and television will do the same. They are not the cause of your problem either. They are just a reflection of what it takes to sell all the stuff we don't really need.

I am going to be brutally truthful. I enjoy looking at a firm, trim women who looks fit. There are more of them from 18-25 than elsewhere throuhout the general population. It has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with a ditsy, drunken, airhead student on spring break who has no idea about passion and mature commitment. It's about appreciating the female form in a state of surely short-term perfection. It is what our society has to come to choose as desirable beauty. We American's choose to view the form of master art work of physical beauty over the finger painting equivalent of the same. For that matter, how may Roman and Greek statues were done of "mature" figures. Stick with me here.

It isn't fair that this is the way it works and I am not using this argument to justify your husbands behavor. I am merely pointing out that "it is what it is." We can't change the social fabric overnight so we have to find a way of working within the fabric.

My refrigerator has never had a Renoir, Picaso, or Rembrandt on it. They do some of the world's most beautiful work. However, it has had a lot of fingerpaintings on it. The artistic quality has not been the highest and the sense of propotion and color usually left something to be desired. But, they were always looked upon with love and pride and compassion . Many of them are still preserved 15-20 years later. I still look at the work of those other guys too, but I have never felt compelled to put a print of theirs on my refrigerator, let alone keep it in a drawer in the bedroom for 20 years.

I can't take away the pain and anguish many of you ladies feel over this issue. One of the best and worst things God did was mak

1

I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. Men are visual creatures, they like to look. It doesn't mean he loves you any less, or wants you to be like those unrealistic porn chicks. It's good the line of communication is open, and that your sex life seems to be very alive. Be happy he is with you, and not out boinking someone else. He loves you, and has chosen to be with you. The self esteem issues you have are normal for most women. Try not to let those issues run your life. Hope this helps....

I've found that exercising helps me feel stronger and over all better about myself. You might also want to splurge and purchase a few new "bedtime" items.. a cute nitey, new matching bra and panties in pretty colors or patterns that make you feel special. Your confidence level should start to go up and he will likely start seeing you in a different light. Try not to get hung up on asking about past relationships, as that is generally not productive, Concentrate instead on renewing the relationship between the two of you. It sounds like he really does love you, but sometimes our romantic lives need a "booster!" Best of Luck.

Thats hard, but it is about you now, not him if he is genuinely trying to work it out. I suggest doing things for yourself, finding a hobby or talking to a professional about it. Its normal that you feel the way you do though. It will take time and patience. Just know that he is married to you because he loves you and cares about you. He must think you are still hot and sexy otherwise he wouldnt care to work on anything.

Half those pictures are enhanced. You are being too hard on yourself. Work out on something on your body unique to you that you can be really proud of like great legs or abs. I wouldn't let his sickness seep over into your sweet mind and affect you.

the best way is increase your esteem is to KNOW that you are beautiful and have complete confidence that your husband thinks so also. remember that he is a man and they will look at a pit bull in a skirt if the skirt is high enough......but those are all images. when he lays down with you he knows he got a living, breathing, beautiful woman, who he adores.......

Let me tell you this, "STOP WORRYING ABOUT HIM!" Stand up and get your life back! If you stop looking at what he's doing and start enjoying your life. Then, he'll see the change in you and try to run after you. But don't wait on him to change, pick yourself up and hold your head up high.

Honestly, it is something u have to find inside of yourself. you have to 1st be able to accept who u r and wat u have to offer to him and the world in general. in order to know wat pleases him and turns him on, u have to pay close attention to him and u have to ask. u two have to communicate with one another anyways. i mean u have to go outside of being close minded and open up yourself to knew possibilities. it may be things he wants to try that u should really consider. however, don't go so far out of yourself that u lose who u r. apparently he fell in love with u b/c it was something u were doing right and he respects u enough to stop doing what bothered u. i think that u should just talk to him and really understand where he is coming from with everything.

dont lower your self esteem please

this will only cause you to lose your self and this cant be good;

accepting who you are is the first step into having any healthy relationship

dont feel that your body is lacking anything; why cant he feel that his body is lacking and makes you feel insecure