the funniest joke will receive 10 POINTS!!!!!!!!!!?

Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!'

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick!

So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'

JAHEESUS!' said the lifeguard, 'Mate. The potato goes in front!'

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,

"If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try.

Your a blonde!

Now give me back my dog.

ha ha cracks me up! : )

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? ( anyone)

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: What?! I'm Sam Wan ( someone)! And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

this farmer goes to the farm down the road, and asks that farmer if he has some roosters for sale. that farmer says "sure, I got roosters for sale" so the first farmer says, I will take as many as this $200 will buy. as you know this was a bad year for crops, and this is the last of my money. so the 2nd farmer tells him for that cash I will sell you ole roy. the first says who the heck is ole roy, the 2nd replies thats my prize stud rooster. well I need as many roosters as I can get to impregnate all my chickens to sell the eggs to the market. the 1st says well you got to trust me, ole roy can get the job done. you can take him home with you tonight and if by the next morning your not happy with ole roy, you can bring him back and I will sell you a bunch of these other roosters. so he takes ole roy home and decides to give him a chance to show what hes got. so he puts him in the chicken coop and shuts the door. ole roy just goes crazy, he gets all the chickens in there in 5 minutes flat, busts out the door, runs down to the lake and gets some swans, ducks and the goose. the farmer chases him down and puts him away to sleep for the night. the next morning he wakes up and is all happy about all the money he is about to make from the chicken eggs at the market. as he looks up in the sky, there is a bunch of vultures flying over the pasture. he wonders which of his animals is dead. he walks out further, and sees its ole roy. he stands above him, and is all upset about this tragic event. he says, gosh dang ole roy, look what you went and did, you went all crazy last night, trying to impregnate all the animals on the farm, and you went and gave yourself a heart attack. just then ole roy peeks one eye open, and goes shhhh, thems female vultures and their about to land!

Did you hear about this man who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs?

He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

A golfer hits a ball at the golf course. He misses. He says," Oh crap! I missed." A nun walks by and says," Don't talk like that or God will punish you!"

The golfer swings again. "Oh crap. I missed."

The nun gets angry. "Don't talk like that or God will hit you with a lightning bolt!"

Suddenly a lightning bolt strikes the nun. God's voice booms through the clouds.

"Oh, crap. I missed."

I made it myself and it is so stupid!

What did the cookie jar say to her husband the cookie while they were TTC?

Come inside me!

And a little dirty too!

A little girl walks up to her mom and says

mom why am i named tulip?

The mom says

when you were little a tulip pedal dropped on your head and we thought that was a good name.

The little girl said thank you and ran away

The little girls sister walks up to the mom and asks her

Mom why am i named rose?

The mom says because when you were born a rose pedal dropped on your head and we thought that was a good name

The girl said thank you and ran away

Finally the third girl comes up and says

derrrrrrrr awhhhh

"Shut up Cinder Block!" Says the mom

what did the matress sheet say to the other matress sheet ?

hey! did you hear the gun shots last night.

why did the golfer wear two pants?

cuz he had a hole in one