The "bassoon"? What's that?

GOD yes, if I had a dollar for each time I've had to explain what a bassoon is, I'd be able to splurge on a huge, thick-walled bubble to hide in - something that keeps out all of these ignoramuses (or is it ignorami???)

I get so SICK of having to explain it. Sometimes I just describe it as "that thing that you can see sticking up near the back of the orchestra" - strangely, that does the trick. On occasion I've tried to describe it as a "giant oboe," but that usually doesn't get me far, as the oboe seems to be the second most obscure instrument around the place.

I've even referred to the bassoon as the "f@rting bedpost."

Once I got so fed up I just said, "You REALLY want to know what a bassoon is? It's a *%@#ing Old World monkey with a bright pink @rse!"

And try describing what a BAROQUE bassoon is...

A fun question, despite my expletives!

Hafwen x

PS. MissLimLam and Schumiszt - great answers! Poor you, MissLL, having to describe the lute all the time. I play krummhorn, too, and I now just describe it as a "flatulent umbrella without the brolly bit." My best friend plays hurdy gurdy, too, and he now just refers to it as "a thingie with a wheel that sounds like blowflies."

PPS. Schumiszt - seriously, you are the funniest man on this forum! Ever considered stand-up comedy? H x

I get a couple of responses to being a cellist. One is "I love that instrument", the other is "Is that umm like a big violin??? [insert GWB eyebrows]". Then there are the unending comments "that's a big gun in there" or similar, so I get where you're coming from.

Maybe you can just say "I play bassoon, it's like a bass oboe but massive, with a double reed and everything!" If you're really struggling and get the question "what's a double reed" maybe you can take the approach "haven't you ever been into a sex shop?" or "you want to come over and I'll show you sometime?"

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Noone has mentioned the rest of the oon family yet....

It gets exhausting. Not to mention frustrating. For the most part, I've given up on trying to explain it.

Like at family reunions. I no longer try to describe WHAT it is I do. I tried to desperately the first year I began playing, only to come back having 40+ non immediate relatives ask me, "Oh right, you play the oboe, am I right?" I've even lied before and said I played Clarinet before just to get the conversation over with.

I don't know if you have a facebook, but I'm in a group called "If you call my bassoon an oboe one more time..." It's more or less a support group for us overlooked bassoonists.

Hahah, this question made my day.

Always have I had to explain this to people. I usually use the "stick like thingy in the middle. It is a double reed and one of the most versatile sounding instruments around. Then I walk away. The only time I stick around to explain is if it is a small child. For some reason the bassoon fascinates them.

I am not a bassoonist, but I can imagine that this must be annoying. Although most people I know, know what a bassoon is. (I will star this question, and hopefully Hafwen will answer - she is our "resident bassoonist." Sorry Hafwen, I couldnt think of a better description!)

I get the same sort of response when I say that I want to learn the lute. People say what is that, and the only description I can give that they understand is "Its a really really old sort of guitar." If they are slightly intelligent, then I can go on to say that it usually has between 6 and 15 courses, that the strings are made of gut, that it is "bowl" shaped etc.

The response my friend gets when he says "I play the hurdy-gurdy" is hillarious. They think he is joking but then he gets it out and plays it.... Their faces... Ah that made my day!

Sorry that I didnt really help.

In a speech for a college course, I explained to the entire class what a bassoon is, and what it is not. I get so furious when people say I play oboe, but not as furious as when people clap in between movements. You can totally tell that the song isn't over.

The reason they could tell it wasn't an oboe was because I had my bassoon with me. It was fully assembled, and I even played it for them. I hope they can pass this tidbit on to their friends.

Hahahaha!!! That gave me a good laugh!

Yep... I've always been atacked... "Ohhh!!! You're playing the violin!"

Then I have a tantrum...

"No!!!!!! It's a VIOLA!!!!"

"Oh... Whats that?"

Then I throw something at them... [Usually the viola itself...] Perhaps a nearest lamp?

Another thing is the oboe... "Oooo! You're playing the clarinet!"

Another tantrum...

"No!!!!!!!!! It's the OBOE!!!!"

"Oh... What's that?"

Then I spear them with the oboe like an Indian warrior.

Curse for life...

--Schumiszt

EDIT: AHAHAHA!!!! "flatulent umbrella without the brolly bit"

Absolutely hysterical!

Oh! The krummhorn is my favorite stop on the organ, or at least some krummhorn stops (on some organs they just sound like... Well... A flatulent pig...)

Whenever I play the organ and I have people standing over me they always look at the stops...

"What's a crumbhorn?" (Krummhorn)

"What's a dia, um... die-A-pa-soon?" (Diapason)

"What's a... Oh... Do you say that poo-sun?" (Pusane)

"What's a gamba? Sounds like some sort of African thing..." (gamba)

"What's a... umm... Flag-geo-get-a?" (Flageoletta)

"What's a... Oh... What is that? A Nae-zard?" (Nasard)

"What is a... Coo-pel-flo-tee?" (Koppelflöte)

AHHH!!! Then I have to stop playing and show then just about every single stop on the organ and explain what it is and what it sounds like.

...Not to mention teach them how to actually pronounce them...

Trust me... This is way worse than trying to explain to somebody what a bassoon is.

Bloody frustrating!

I've never had that response to a Bassoon per se, I like the the idea of describing it as a bedpost with keys.

I think if you really want to see their eyes glaze over, tell them just about the bocal.

.... so, what's a Piano?