Umbridge Haters and HP Fans: How is this?

27 Ways to Annoy Dolores Umbridge

1. Offer her flies. Tell her they're good with ketchup.

2. Ask her if she's related to Trevor.

3. Follow close behind her all day, making clip-clopping noises with your tongue.

4. Ask her if she's met the handsome new divination teacher.

5. Tell her that Cornelius Fudge only hired her to scare small children.

6. Dye all her clothes black.

7. ...when she acts horrified, say you were only trying to help her, and that "black is the new pink."

8. Send her love notes, signing them as if they were from Cornelius Fudge.

9. Perpetually use the word "umbrage."

10. Remind her constantly that her "Selwyn Family Heirloom" contained the shreds of the most evil wizard of modern times.

11. Create your own Educational Decrees to contradict her's.

12. Make sure these said Decrees are identical to her own. Post them everywhere.

13. Turn all of her kittens into toads.

14. Talk in stage whispers about "army meetings," "Dumbledore," and "Harry Potter." Should she confront you, stop talking, smile, and whistle innocently.

15. Tell her you're doing a Herbology project and want to know more about the plants in her natural habitat.

16. Buy her Weasleys' Wild-Fire Whiz-Bangs for Christmas.

17. Ask her if she's read the latest edition of the Quibbler. When she says no, offer her one.

18. When she's within earshot, announce loudly that Snape was a better headmaster than she was.

19. Or if you're feeling particularly daring, announce that Sir Cadogan would make a better headmaster.

20.Offer her a free membership with S.P.E.W.

21. Tell her that you didn't do your homework because "progress for progress sake must be prohibited."

22. Ask her if she wears that mask all the time, or just when she's teaching.

23. Ponder loudly whether the title "Hogwarts High Inquisitor" sounds quite as powerful as, say, "Muggle Prime Minister."

24. Present her with a voodoo doll with an uncanny resemblance to her, but just before giving it to her, stash it away, muttering, "Oops, that one's Harry's..."

25. Buy her a pet Niffler.

26. Ask her why she didn't transform into a beautiful princess when she recieved her first kiss.

27. ...cut yourself off before you finish the question, look like you just realized something, then pat her arm consolingly and say, "Don't worry. Not everyone is cut out for love."

40 ways of irritating people who don't like Harry Potter

1. Relate everything they say to the Harry Potter books and/or movies.

2. Say they look like a Harry Potter character of the opposite gender.

3. Quote Dobby.

sorry 4th one missing....

5. Read out loud to them whenever they can't get away from you (Example: When in a car or an elevator). If you don't have a book with you, recite from memory.

6. Give them Harry Potter merchandise for their birthday and Christmas and demand that they keep it and treasure it forever.

7. Rewrite their favorite song with Harry Potter lyrics and sing it constantly.

8. Crowd their inbox with Harry Potter related e-mail and make sure the subjects are misleading.

9. Start singing a Sorting Hat song at random moments, pretend to forget what comes next, and ask if they know in a very loud voice.

10. Make them play Quidditch with you.

11. Give all of their friends Harry Potter related nicknames and act mortally offended when they don't know the history of their character.

12. Change your name to that of a Harry Potter character and start screaming when they don't address you as such in public.

13. Always speak with a British accent - especially if you aren't from the UK.

14. Refer to real places by Harry Potter names.

15. ...throw a fit if others don't use these names.

16. Draw round glasses and lightning bolt scars on every poster and picture you come across...in permanent marker.

17. Give long lectures about how the prophecy relates to every day life.

18. Give every room in your house a Harry Potter codename. ( Example: The living room becomes the Entrance Hall) and whenever someone asks you where something is, use these names.

19. Change them immediately if they figure out what the names refer to.

20. Constantly ask if they can see the thestrals too.

21. ...refuse to explain what a thestral is.

22. Say, "Anything off the trolley, dear?" in a fake British accent when offering anyone food.

23. Pretend you can do magic.

24. Constantly rearrange their furniture and blame it on indecisive house-elves.

25. Yell "Get away from me, Death Eater!" whenever they get near you.

26. Constantly compare them to Mrs. Figg.

27. ...laugh evilly if they ask who Mrs. Figg is.

28. Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move.

29. Whenever you're asked for advice, reply with "Three turns should do it" in a very serious voice.

30. Break any awkward silences by saying, "How 'bout them Chudley