Has the poor economy lead to more etiquette blunders due to poor budgeting?

"Wedding Etiquette" has not always been around, nor has it always been exactly the same. Etiquette is the practice of something that is done through authority or social conventions. Not everyone practices the same things in the same way. Personally, I find etiquette to be more of a set of guidelines and rules, usually made by people with something to gain/acquire.

I also don't believe the economy is the main reason why people choose to do their own thing. It may be part of it, but people are learning that it's ok to expand their views and horizons and to do what they feel is best. Just because someone else may not think that something proper, doesn't mean that it is actually terrible. Most people I know (including etiquette experts, wedding consultants, etc) agree that things are changing and that most anything goes now. It's usually just advised that people be aware of the "normal etiquette" that they are disregarding as some people may not understand or agree.

If you don't like what people want or are having, then don't attend their wedding, answer their question or whatever else. It isn't about you, it's not your choice and you have no idea what the people who will be attending their day want/expect/need etc.

I am having a wedding of about 150 guests I wish the list could be cut but me and my fiance both have large families that we are close to so there is no getting around that. Our Venue is a local Elks lodge which is perfect the room for the wedding is huge and they have a beautiful waterfall (outside) that I would love to get married in front of. They will have very good food since the people who cook for the elks are excellent cooks, and there will be more then enough food to go around. Me and my mother are making my invitations ourselves and they are not the ones you get from a package at Walmarts and just print from your printer. We are having center pieces and favors and my mothers best friend is doing a candy bar, she is hand making all of the chocolates they will be individually wrapped. My dress was about $650 and it is my dream dress I bought my veil on ebay for $23 and got my toasting glasses and cake cuter for 50% off. I am sure that you will not like the fact that we will be having a cash bar but there will be soft drinks and water available for no charge but if they want to drink and get drunk I refuse to pay for it. They will have everything else that is needed I really don't think giving people the chance to drink all they want on me as a necessity. Some may not like it but that is how me and my family feel (even the one I am marring into) We are all big drinkers but if they want to drink they can buy their drink (and the elks has the cheapest alcohol I have ever seen) And we will have champign for toasting but it will be in momosa form since that is the only way me and alot of other people I know will drink it.

"Tradition is optional, etiquette is not" That's all well and good but what you seem to have neglected to mention is that tradition and etiquette are subject to many things such as country, class and even ancestry. Bad budgeting is one thing but coming down on people's head because they are going outside of what you know as tradition and etiquette is another thing all together.

Yahoo is international and people are asking questions from Tokyo to the west coast of America. People who answer should take this into account and instead of being rude etiquette nazis who demand that brides do things like hand-write the address on the envelope (true story), it's the envelope for crying out loud!

Where I grew up a cash bar is seen as the norm and does not breach etiquette in any way. If there is an open bar it's a pleasant surprise but we do not go to a wedding expecting free booze, other than some champagne for toasting. And if a bridal couple does want to save that money for better food or a bigger hall or whatever then why condem them as being tacky?

We asked for cash gifts because we emigrated right after the wedding. Why is that such a bad thing? We would have loved to get traditional gifts but 1) could not afford the shipping or the needed electrical changes and 2) could not register in our new country because the exchange rate is ridiculous and would have meant that people would have to have paid more. Sure, we could have simply not mentioned gifts but I didn't want to risk people buying us things that we couldn't take with. Imagine how that would have made them feel.

Since all our guests were close friends and family, they understood this and were happy with our request. A few of them asked me if they could buy us something and I asked them to remember that we were leaving so it had to be something that could fit in a suitcase.

To me having a registry or gift list is not begging for gifts, it's making life easier for guests who want to buy something.

And lastly, people seem to forget that both tradition and etiquette change over time. For example. back in the day the invites were hand-written and hand-delivered, nowadays they're generally not. So why can you accept that but not accept people who don't want to pay for guests to drunk?

This makes me feel chagrined because I have always striven to be gracious to others and make those around me have a nice day, but out of ignorance, some things were...overlooked.

I had an Emily Post mom, but she died before my wedding. My family was not happy about my marriage because I was pregnant and only 20 years old. My dad wasn't hostile and in fact said he'd write the checks and I could do everything else. I chose not to push the envelope on his generosity, plus I had about six weeks between engagement and wedding.

I took out the Emily Post book (an engagement present from my aunt and uncle!) and tried to do all it said with the ceremony, which from my part went well. It was in a beautiful private garden, abundant with all kinds of flowers and foliage, which to my part cut down on the need for decorative flowers.

I asked the rental place to bring white chairs and they brought brown.

Because of some people not RSVPing there were not enough chairs for everyone.

For a 1:30 wedding, 2:30 reception, I had rolls with elegant cold cuts, punch, coffee, tea, fresh fruit and cake. I'm reading a lot about quality food here and feeling really guilty.

I had a keyboard brought in and an excellent jazz pianist playing for the reception which was the only entertainment. No centerpieces or other decor for the reception aside from paper tablecloths in my teal color, but we were in fact in a garden paradise.

I tried to get around to talk to everyone and it seemed that everyone thought it was beautiful in its own way. We gave hugs as appropriate in the receiving line and most people got a photo with the bride and/or groom.

No wishing well or other money grab things, we cut the cake but didn't do the face shoving thing, no garter or bouquet toss because I found the garter thing distasteful and wanted to keep my bouquet.

I dunno...I hope not to be planning my daughter's wedding with her until at least 10 years from now, but when I do, I hope we can do something with more taste.

No favors. It never even occurred to me no matter how many issues of Modern Bride I read.

I was just clueless I guess. I can't go back -- it was 1992 and I'm still happily married to my husband.

I think there are a lot of entitled bridezillas out there, but I also believe some things are done out of ignorance not malice

I agree with you. Since I have been on this forum, I have been a little shocked at how inconsiderate some people can be, and how they completely disregard etiquette so that "their day" can be perfect. I think the wedding industry has completely skewed our perception of what is proper to do in a wedding. The wedding industry says that you have to do certain things or your wedding is not acceptable, but they don't focus on wedding etiquette.

When I got engaged, one of the first things I bought was a wedding etiquette book and a wedding planning book. That way, I know things I can cut without seeming rude to the guests but still sticking within my budget. With today's economy, most people recognize that the bride and groom are on a budget...but that doesn't excuse rudeness.

For my wedding, we are doing a lot of things ourselves, like centerpieces and place cards, so that we could put the money towards food and alcohol. My aunt is making my cake, and two other aunts are doing my hair and makeup, we aren't having a limo, I'm not going to buy fancy personalized toasting glasses or a cake server, and I'm addressing my own invitations instead of hiring someone to do them. I guess some brides don't realize what they can cut out and what is just poor etiquette.

I think some people just flat out don't know what is rude, but some justify their rudeness by saying the economy is bad or saying "it's my day, etc."

The worst to me is when they hand out a little photocopied generic "thank you" note as you are leaving. It isn't even handed out usually, it's in a basket by the door, perhaps wrapped in a ribbon the color of the wedding. And then that is all you are going to get, no personal acknowledgement of the gift you carefully purchased, wrapped and delievered. Just a little poem like "Thank you for celebrating our wedding day. As we share our vows, we just want to say: These wedding memories will become a treasure, And seeing you here is part of the pleasure." photocopied on some parchment paper, is not a proper thank you note, though some brides think that they are done when that is handed out.

I agree with you, but I'm not sure if it is the economy or just poor upbringing where people are taught to be selfish.

My fiance & I decided on a guestlist, found an affordable venue and ensured we budgeted first for food & beverages for the guests. We then built the rest of the budget around that.

I may be wearing a $219 dress from eBay and not renting limos or going on a honeymoon right after the wedding, but my guests are having a dinner with full open bar and a DJ for entertainment!!

Well I agree with you in some ways and not in others. I think it is certainly sad that some couples seem to forget the point of the weddin in the first place. I myself was miffed to receive an invitation with the poem:

Kettle, teapot, we've got the lot,

So please give us money for our savings pot.

I chose not to give money but bought them a traditional greek pottery money jar!

Having said that I don't think this is the same for everyone, some people still try hard to do the right thing, even with lower budgets. We are planning a smalli (40-50) wedding with our nearest and dearest but are making sure that though the food is not posh there will be plenty for everyone. We are going to France to pick up cheap Champagne and Alcohol (though it is still of a decent quality).

Our dream wedding is for everyone to love everyminute and to make our uests very happy, but most of all for them to remember being there when we make the biggest promises of our lives.

Etiquette is certainly less thought of today, but I don't think you could say that everyone is ignoring it.

I suppose I'm uncouth b/c all of the weddings I've been too have been potluck, cash bar/guests bring their own alcohol, etc. Usually there are no invitations b/c everything is by word of mouth and I've seen dollar dances (which is a tradition in some cultures) and cash bars. No one is offended b/c that is how they roll and they are used to it or expecting it. I think it could become a problem if your family is not familiar with certain practices and you want to impose them for your wedding. I've never been to a formal sit-down wedding with the menu selected ahead of time. A matter of fact, one of the first things people do when the engagement is announced to suggest what they will bring/contribute to the wedding and cash gifts are usually expected.

Sooo, to each his own. Now I do think brides should stick to a budget and try to accommodate their guests needs to that budget. But I didn't even know that Dollar Dances were thought of as begging until coming on this board. Or that juice and punch receptions were considered trashy. I also didn't know it was considered cheap for potluck or cash bars until Emily Post wannabes started whipping out quotes. Instead, we view weddings as mini-family reunions where people come, eat, rejoice.

Edited: To the person below me yeesh. That sounds terrible. In no way should your guests not have enough to eat or drink. The whole point is be considerate. There is a difference b/w not following tradition/Emily Post and just being that kind of tacky.

I am in total agreement with you. I am shocked and appalled by some of the questions asked on here!! Some people even have the audacity to imply that spending extra on your guests and spoiling them means you dont care about your marriage!!! The nerve! Yes, the wedding is about the bride and groom but all those you love have taken the time and effort to be apart of your day. I would never think of not giving them the very best. We have over 300 people we would have liked to invite but decided we would rather have 100 and not skimp on anything. We plan to provide an open bar, butlered hor devours, a nice meal, desserts and great entertainment. I want our day to be remembered!

I have never ever used my financial or even personal issues as an excuse to exercise poor etiquette. I was taught better than that. How you treat your guests is a reflection of you and your upbringing. To ask someone to make their own meal or pay for water in 100 degree weather, as one person said, is simply rude and in poor taste. People need to learn how to budget. It is rude to expect a nice gift from someone and supply them with soda and cheese/crackers. Gross!