Is this good for a 13 yr old 2 write?

Question

You could call me a stalker. I wouldn’t mind because that’s what I am really - if you think about it. I followed him around school, I took secret pictures of him, and I even sent him anonymous love letters. He was all I ever thought about and all I ever dreamt about. I called it love but it wasn’t really, it was more like a…obsession. It was an addiction. I was addicted to him. He was like my drug, whenever I thought about him, I became happy but after a while I became sad.

I’m not skinny. Or pretty, or even remotely good looking. I’m ugly and fat. And that’s that. She was pretty, by god she was pretty. And skinny, like a stick – like a twig. Sexy. That’s what he called her, sexy Stacy. Whenever he sat close to her – so close so that he was breathing on her neck – those were the word’s that would come out of his mouth. It made her smile. It made me sick.

I skived off school so I wouldn’t have to see him. So I wouldn’t have to see him sitting close to her, playing with her hair. Kissing her lips. But then I’d feel guilty – that’s the stupid thing – like I was letting him down or something. It was confusing, I didn’t understand it, but what I did understand was that I had to get back to school. So I did. I apologised for being late and watched him as I walked over to my chair. After a few seconds I turned away. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I saw her making him smile, making him laugh. Making him happy. 

I wanted to be the person to make him laugh and smile. I wanted to make him happy. But it would never happen. Not in a million years. 

And then I got the card.

I love you too xx

I just stared at it. I’d locked myself in my room and just looked at it. It was a card, an anonymous love letter - except I knew who it was from. I’d found it at school, in my locker: a pink envelope with hearts all over it. 

To Katie

I opened it there and then. I couldn’t wait until I got home, I just ripped it open – was this some kind of joke? There, hidden inside that envelope was a card. Red and covered in roses with the words “I love you” written all over it. I opened it slowly, with much more grace and care than I did with the envelope, and read it. 

Unexpectedly, a loud ringing noise filled my head and I was surrounded by a mixture of noise and people. End of lunch. Hurriedly, I stuffed the card into my bag making sure no one saw it. It was a secret – my secret. Walking into class, I did my usual habit of looking at him and feeling sad. But today was different. He was alone. He wasn’t with Stacy, laughing or stroking her hair. He was alone – just alone. I looked round in confusion. Wasn’t she here today? I’m sure I saw her. And I had. She was sitting at the back of the room with a sad look on her face. 

A million thoughts rushed through my head. Have they dumped each other? Is he single? Oh my god, I have a chance. Suddenly, a small smile that had slowly grown on my face vanished. Like I’d ever have a chance, why would he ever want me? God, sometimes I’m so stupid. As I sat down, feeling sad and angry, another thought hit me. What about the card? Those word’s “I love you too” appeared in my head. And the smile came back.

The whole of the lesson I stared at him. And he stared back. I just couldn’t believe that he’d noticed me – that he wanted me. I was definitely not his type, if anything, I was the complete opposite. So why did he like me? That question stayed in my brain as I came up with a million answers. It didn’t matter though, the fact was that he liked me, it didn’t matter why or anything else. He liked me and that’s that. The minute the bell went for end of lesson, he came up to me and kissed me. No words, just a kiss. I nearly fainted. His lips on mine, even for that split second, felt like the best feeling in the world. 

I didn’t know what to do; I just stood there; frozen to the spot. All of a sudden, I felt scared. What if he thinks I’m stupid, frozen just because he kissed me? I can’t lose it all now, it’s just begun. But to my surprise, he smiled – not an “I’m laughing at you” smile – a comforting smile. An “I love you” smile and I smiled back. 

“You do know that I dumped her” he said as we walked to my house hand in hand

“Ye” I replied with tingling feelings over taking my body. Oh my god, it’s really happening, he loves me. Not her, me.

There was a moment of silence while we both thought our own thoughts. I hesitated for a second but this new found courage kept me talking.
“Um…why” I mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear

He didn’t answer. Immediately, I was filled with feelings of dread and despair. Oh, no, I’ve said the wrong thing. Stupid courage, I’ve just blown everything now.

“Because I love you more,” he whispered, interrupting me from my thoughts

He squeezed my hand gently as a huge smile grew on my face.

Soylent Twilight Is Buffy FanFic · Accepted Answer

I often will bag on people's horrible stories.  I'm not going to do that, because yours reads true. You don't make the mistake of reaching too high.  You're telling a story in "your voice" or at least the voice of a 13 year old.  That is what makes it good.  
          You aren't nattering on how he has chestnut hair (as if that is something people see a lot of these days) or giving a flowery over-wrought description of how you feel.  You're writing straight out feelings.  It is a first person narrative, which will always be one of the easiest, yet strongest forms of the novel.  Keep it that way.  Keep the dialogue spare and realistic.  The moment he starts spouting love poems, it is over unless you can have your character react honestly.  

Now it could get horrible if it continues as a hundred pages of wish fulfillment, but for that first page it sounds good.  It sounds honest.  Personally, I'm hoping he rips the heart out of the main character.  Gets her pregnant and dumps her, douses her in pig's blood, or takes a few naked photos and makes her the joke of the school.  Pain, humiliation, and more pain.  Some real adolescent horror show that will make every young girl who reads it mistrust every 13 year old dreamboat they ever meet.  Eh, maybe that tells to much about when I was 13.

Anonymous · Answer

Pretty good, interesting story, but...it's not spelled "ye". That is a different word. It's spelled "yeah".
I was a little confused at the beginning. I thought Katie was in love with Stacy, not the guy who you left unnamed. Just make that a little clearer. :)
Just one more thing, your story is moving a little fast. That's one thing I definitely struggle with. Just add some more details (like, maybe a chapter?) before he breaks up with Stacy. 
I love this story, and you write well, too! If you have more of it, I would love to read it.

Anonymous · Answer

dswa;gifwafbklner;itgf;lsdjgfbvzn.dsjgalsdfjcij;bv/

This can't possibly be a real story. Please tell me you are not writing more of this. I would be very sad for the human race if you were to write more of this.

You've even destroyed the most delicious thing, ice cream, with your horrible story. I can't even look this ice cream in the eye anymore. I just feel dirty. A week of showers is not going to clean off this horrible story.

Oh god, everyone around me is exploding in fire. The four horsemen, zombies everywhere. It can't possibly be true -- The Biblical Apocalypse. You've brought it upon us all you filthy harlot. I swear when I see you in heaven, I'm going to punch you so hard. 

You can't possibly imagine the pain and torment I'm going through at this very moment. Even now, I'm wondering what I have done with my life. Knowing it's going to end so soon and all because of this story, I ponder my fate. The ice cream has been melted, the fire around me is growing, even the four horsemen are appalled that this story could even kill the likes of Death. You've brought upon The Biblical Apocalypse, and then you cancelled it midway as every mythical and evil creature took a look at your story. They've died, again. 

Think long and hard about what you have done to the Earth. Think about the destruction of nations that you've brought upon us all. Think and repent. Repent and sacrifice yourself to save the Greater Good. 

Also, dongs.

midnight adrenaline · Answer

Is the evil twist that she wakes up and it was all just a dream? Or did he and Stacy organize that for fun? To embarrass her?

And I think I wrote better than that when I was 13.

"Kissing her lips." The word "lips" is useless here. We can assume it's her lips, if not ::then:: you precise that it's her neck or whatever.

Ye=
ye 1 |yē| pronoun [ second person plural ] archaic or dialect plural form of thou 1 : : gather ye rosebuds, while ye may.

PHRASES ye gods! an exclamation of astonishment. ORIGIN Old English gē, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch gij and German ihr.

ye 2 |yē; ðē| adjective pseudo-archaic term for the : : Ye Olde Bookshoppe.

Yeah= Slang for yes, got it?

Rashyboy · Answer

It would be good for a 20 years old talk-less of a 13 years old. Wow! it is good - the narration, the descriptive words, the plot and layout and the love story - all are excellent. Nevertheless, I want to suggest you introduce a scene between the time they were in love and the time he came for you to form a plausible link. Good luck.

RosethePython · Answer

One of the things I acutally read on here. Good for your age. Not my taste in books though.
"Ye” I replied with tingling feelings over taking my body
did you mean Yes?

adozenredroses12 · Answer

It's absolutely brilliant!!! 

Hope you post the rest of it up on here when you are done.

I'm trying to figure out how it might end:

- Are they setting her up? 

- Is it all in her imagination? 

- Does she find out he's dull and not want him anymore, leaving him like the love sick puppy that she once was?

I'd love to find out what happens =)

Anonymous · Answer

That is really good! wow!
Only 13 yrs old? I couldn't write that well when I was 13!

I would definitely read more of this :).

Anonymous · Answer

I really like it and I would love to read more. Just go back and edit it and it will be even better. Best of luck.

Anonymous · Answer

That sounds like one of my stories! Take it off Yahoo though, someone could plagerize it because it isn't illegal because it's not copywrited.

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Is this good for a 13 yr old 2 write?

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