Do you think the first chapter of my story good?

It's alright. Not spectacular, and, as an English nerd, it could do with a lot of editing. Your grammar is lacking a bit, and you've made a lot of mistakes with your spelling.

Some things didn't quite make sense to me, like the novel being name "Doorstep."

Your characters are moderately realistic, though sometimes you are too forceful with how they are feeling. Also, in some of your talking scenes, you're a bit too basic with - and then I said this, and he said that, and then I replied this, and he replied that. Try neglecting some of that, and it'll flow better.

Apart from that, it's pretty good! I'd like to see where it's going.

It goes way too fast for the reader to really keep up. The first paragraph was filled with too many sentences that start with "I". I know it's in first person, but readers can get annoyed if the book just says, "I,I,I,me,me,I..." There are some grammar issues also. But I guess that's what happens when you are in a hurry. The first paragraph needs to be split up into more paragraphs because a new idea changes every time and a new paragraph illustrates that.

Maybe you should go into how the main character had a boring or drab life before this opportunity for stardom. People always want to see a dramatic change of events in a story. There should be a fiery passion on why she should be chosen to be the star of the movie opposed to other people who applied. Maybe her mother was an actress before and she would do anything to make her mother proud. Something like that.

Another suggestion is to buy the book How to Write a Damn Good Novel by James N. Frey. It's a great investment. I have one and it really helps me with writing my novel.

Good luck in your endeavors to write novels. Just keep writing! Don't ever ever ever give up!!! The hardest part is to reach the finish line. The story in this is very original. Have a lot of fun!

Hi!

I enjoyed reading your chapter. It sounds like you have the bases for a good story here, but your execution could use a little work. The begining paragraphs read like a recipe - step by step what this character did in the morning. It is not as important as telling us what is going on in his head. Maybe you should ask yourself what the story is really about, and if these details really add to it (checking the alarm clock, etc.)

The dialogue is your strong point, but you should look at some novels and see how they have structured their dialogue. Usually it is not like 'ping pong', there are paragraphs of description in between.

I am intrigued by your story and I think with a little more work you could have something there! Good luck, and keep writing! I understand it is difficult to share your work with a bunch of people you don't know, but you are very brave indeed!

I like it! A few mistakes here and there, but not a big deal. The only thing I would criticize is that all of the hours go by so fast! It seems like every hour is about 2 minutes long. Maybe you should slow them down and explain the important details more. You're really good, and I'd totally read that book!

Hope this helps! :D

I'm sorry but I just couldn't read the whole thing.

"I woke up. I got dressed. I went to the bathroom. I did my hair."

You don't need any of that. Start in the middle of the action. Something must be happening right away to hook your readers, whether the conflict is internal or external, you must immediately present your character with a problem.

Detail is great but you really don't have to describe your characters every move and gesture.

Example:

We got down the road and I decided I had better check my phone to see if someone had called me. We stopped so I could get it out of my backpack I flipped it open to find I had a new message. I checked the number and it was the same number I had seen on the contest entry website.

My edit:

We got down the road and I decided I had better check my phone. I flipped my phone open to find I had a new message. It was the same number I had seen on the contest entry website.

You see, I said the same thing you did in less time. Readers don't want to read 100 sentences of your character walking down the street just to ge to the coffee shop.

Good luck and happy writing.

One more note: Never start a story with someone waking up, someone waking from a dream or nightmare or with someone running away from something. All of those beginnings are overdone and corny.

hi im an ametuer wrtier also and i think it is good

you need to check punctuation and things

but i think you speed it up too much

to get a good novel you have to really describe things

you hvae to put the reader in your characters world

instead of saying she walked into school and sat down

descirebe the corridors and the people she meets on the way

hope i helped

Hey. It actually is good (: I wanted to know the rest of the story. Its a good idea and everything, but some of your vocabulary was pretty limited and you didn't use punctuation too well.

it needs to be longer. use more descriptions. theres also some grammar errors. also u shud make a teaser cuz i have no idea what ur book is supposed to be about

Uhh... not to be mean, i like it, but it kinda goes by fast!

i like it! KEEP WRITING NO MATTER WHAT HATERS TELL YOU! THEY ARE JUST JELOUS! WHEN IT COMEOUTS OUT AS A BOOK I WILL BUY 16 COPIES OF IT AND WOULD YOU SIGN THEM? HAHA ITS GOOD!

Please answer mine! I REALLY NEED HELP

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=200906...