Tell your favorite joke?

My wife asked me about her breasts the other night and if I thought they were large enough.

She said she wanted bigger boobs and was thinking about implants. Did I have any suggestions how to make them grow?

(I thought, great there's $5K out the window)

So, I told her that if she would rub some toilet paper between them every night....before long they would be huge.

Are you serious, she responded, Will that really work?

Me: Well, It worked on your butt didn't it?

edit: T/paper is hard to come by around my house these days.

Yeah, she's blonde.

your 2nd one ive heard before but with, grass and a snake instead of a car and garage. but its still good! A fellow was suffering from constipation, so his doctor perscribed suppositories. A week later he was back at the doctor's complaining his constipation had gotten worse, not better. The doctor asked "Have you been taking the suppositories regularly?" "What do you think I've been doing," said the fellow, "Shoving them up my ***?" An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample." The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?" "What did he say? What's he want?" His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear." "Your drinking is beginning to drive your friends and loved ones away from you, making you wish you'd thought of it much earlier." these i think are pretty funny. lol hope you like them!

did u hear about the new tank the french designed?

its supposed to be really fast especially in reverse

this duck walks into a store and buys some chapstick

the cashier asks cash or credit

the duck says put it on my bill

these 2 cows are talkin and one says to the other

what do u think about this mad cow disease

the other cow says

what do i care im a helicopter

Q.What's green and hangs between 2 sticks?

A.A mouldy cripple!

Told to me in hospital,the same day I was told I might have to have a leg & 2 fingers amputated.

I nearly p*ssed myself laughing!

Hahaha lmao.

A woman got a tattoo of a seashell in her inner thigh, she asked her boyfriend if he could hear the sea. He said no, but he could smell the fish.

I called mine Sex

Everybody who has a dog calls him either Rover or Boy. I called mine Sex. Now Sex is a very embarassing name.

One day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for the dog. A cop came over to me and said, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a dog license and told the clerk, "I would like to have a license for Sex!" He said, "I would like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." And he said he didn't care how she looked. Then I said, "You don't understand. I had Sex since I was two years old." He said, "You must have been a very strong baby."

I told the Judge that when my husband and I separated, we went to Court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." And...the Judge said, 'Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. And he said, "Me too." When I told him that I had Sex on TV, he said "Showoff." I told him that it was a contest and he told me I should have sold tickets.

I also told the Judge about the time when my husband and I were on our honeymoon and we took the dog, Sex. When I checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my husband and I and a special room for Sex. The clerk told me that every room in the motel was for sex. Then I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." And the clerk said, 'Me too.".....I give up !!!

Haha.

A man walked into a bar

Ouch.

Whats the definition of blue tac...........smurf poo

LOOKS DOWN, HI THERE DR A.

Thats really funny!

Lmao! that's a good one :)