Have you ever been audited?

This may have been posted before but, it is so doggone funny, I just had to...

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his

attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no

full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money

gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about

a

demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own

eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite

my

other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,

with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six

thousand

dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that

wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in

between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and

decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so

he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he

strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the

other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major

loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told

me

he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars

that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be

happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!