i dont even know what do anymore.?

Hi Lex.

Been there long time ago. I would stand up for my mum, but she wouldn't allow me. I hated his very guts. I withdrew to my room, to friends did everything to stay as far away from them as I could. No way I could stand being in their presence and allow him to have his way with her and me. I left my home when I was 17. They were glad to see me go. I struggled with that relationship for many years but when I look back at it now I think he was just a narcissist pig and my mum was a co-dependant. I even managed to slip in such a relationship later in my life, but now I see why (he modelled me for it) and I see the parallels.

Believe in yourself. I don't know how old you are, boy or girl, but Free yourself of their influence as soon as you can. You can become a better person.

Feel free to mail me if you want.

When someone as close as a parent hurts your feelings, it often happens that you feel great resentment towards them. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Every situation varies so it's hard to tell you what to do. Your age will have a lot to do with how you deal with things. I also don't know how hurtful the things that your father says are. Does he mean it or is it just his way of communicating? A lot of people that don't know how to vent their feelings turn to hurting the ones that are around them. It's a self defense thing, if you criticize or hurt people around you, you don't have to deal with your own anxiety, frustration or anger.towards yourself.

You say you hide your feelings. That might just be what your father is doing too. I used to hide my feelings and I know how hard it is to actually open up and tell what's weighing on your heart.

Believe me, I know it's hard to talk about your feelings, especially with a parent. I've been in the same boat! I didn't communicate with my father much, I didn't like the way he sometimes spoke to people or how he looked at things. One day my father got seriously ill and he passed away. It took me a lot of courage to talk about things and I believe I should have opened up to him more than I did.

I see things in a different perspective now he's gone. A primary instinct of a parent is to love and protect their child. Try to have a little faith in that and a take a very brave step: talk about your feelings. If he says something hurtful to you, tell him calmly that he hurt your feelings.

Also, talk to your mother. Is she hurt with the way your father talks to her? Ask her why she doesn't speak up. It is both your mother's and father's responsibility to take care of you and to make you feel welcome at home.

Your father should not speak to you or your mother in a hurtful way, I'm not saying his behaviour is acceptable. But hopefully, it is resolveable.

If neither of you feels safe and secure enough to speak about their feelings the only other way is to get some professional help. There are numerous sites on the net, just use a search engine with the terms problem, parent, helpline and you should be able to find someone that can give you some advice. Helplines are very professional, have experience and you can talk anonymously about your problems. Most helplines do not charge any costs if you ring them.

I know it is a great burden to be so angry with your father. The only way to get out of this is to step up and speak or look for help.

Good luck with everything and know that you are not alone out there!

Don't let him win! You ask how do you do that? Miserable people love company. He wins when he gets to you and no matter what he says or does it's important to remember that life has beat him down and all he wants to do is bring you and others down with him. The bitterness that spills out of him affects everyone around him and he won't be satisfied until he see's you and your family hurt.