I am sitting here at work on the verge of tears. I have no one else to ask. My ex husband and I have been?

At the heart of your depression is a man who gives little in the way of emotional strength, yet you cling to a hope that this will change. In your mind you run through the list of what could be wrong, is it you, is it his mid life crisis, all the while stabbing your confidence in life and self esteem over and over again wondering what you did wrong!

While in this state of limbo you deny yourself the satisfaction of believing you are an individual with needs and wants just like any other human, all because you hang on to one thought: Maybe he will come back! It's also possible your sub conscience is not allowing you to be a survivor, rather it's holding you hostage to being a loser.

There's only one direction for you at this point and in a way I think you already know it. No matter how you decide to treat the relationship with your ex you need to start repairing your life immediately. I would start by expanding your yoga experience into some advanced form. Whether it's going somewhere to practice in private or helping a beginner, you simply need to block time that is private and for you alone, in other words don't tell your ex what is happening at that time, simply tell him you are busy that it's "you time" and something for your life no one else. Stop answering your phone, the anticipation for a productive call from him is killing you and is not going to happen so stop fooling yourself, let his calls go to the voice messaging. You don't need to hear his stories especially since they are only designed to help him.

Start making you the best you can be (if you think you are, your not, your question is prof). Start reading or forcing yourself to read motivational books there's tons on the shelf and they won't break your budget. Making you the best you can be will open up the natural social actions you need to become an active member of society again. You've put yourself in psychological prison now it's time to escape but you have to do with out the person who once said they would honor you. In fact, your pain comes from someone that's lied to you and wants to have the security of your friendship, but is not willing to share the responsibility. And he's good at convincing you that he has the problem and needs your help.... I can only tell you as a distant answerer that you are killing yourself for no reason, I know you don't have a good reason to believe me but again, you probably already know you are grinding yourself down to nothing and eventually there will be nothing left except some guy that lied to you and wants to lean on your shoulder because you've allowed it.

Take back the life you gave up eighteen years ago, get back to feeling the splendor of being someone who matters, give yourself the gift of being human, and be someone who is willing to share their comfort with someone who is willing to share back with love and emotion that we all need. Start learning that the purpose of life is to have a life of purpose, and waisting your time is no longer an option.

I guarantee you that this will upset the man that pretends to be your friend, he will start to insist on knowing what you are doing and maybe even get angry, but don't give in it's about you and your life. Perhaps the time may come that he will beg you for companionship as you will be showing confidence he is not able to have but don't count on it. Go out and take on the day and continue to repeat that you are a "beautiful person and deserve the best" You can only be pushed into the mud if your standing next to the puddle, start moving, start living and get the best of this one life you have to live.... Good luck:)

I think you need to move away from your divorced hubby for good. it's not worth continuing if he constantly hurts you. I can't tell or say where you should go, but you need to start over, a new leaf. Make sure he's never in your life again, because he ain't worth the trouble. You're stressed out and such. I say, sell your place, transfer your work into a different part of the country, do something to relieve yourself so this thing doesn't bother you again.

This is not a short process, but it is a start. I would start a new leaf, start a new life, and go from there. Who knows, along the way, you may come across another man who would keep as his soul-mate. All you got to do is make it that choice and do it and support it 100%.

You have to believe you can do it and I know you can do it. You've been strong for so long, and you can continue that strength far far away from him.

Good luck in your life... hope is better than the last one.

First I must say that you are being a typical female right now. I think you need to really read what you wrote back to yourself and realize how you are enabling your ex husband to still control you. He has been off doing God knows what for how many years while you've been following in his shadow living miserable. Don't ever cry over someone who won't cry over you! I was in a horrible relationship for over four years and Alot of the feelings you convey i have once felt. It was incredibly difficult to get past the idea of letting go of someone i cared so much for. The bottom line that I eventually came to was that I deserved to be happy. The whole time i was trying to make things work with my ex i was making myself miserable while he was out not having a care in the world . At a very young age we are taught to study the past so we don't make the same mistakes in the future. You should look at all the crap he's put you through and seriously think if there is any sign that things will change in the future. You said it yourself you are a good looking woman, why would you think you can't get a better man. Even if you don't want to find someone don't you think you deserve to be happy? I really hope that you realize how important it is to make yourself happy first, so that you can have a happier healthier life.

You dont need all the drama this guys bringing you, toss him to the curb!

Sweetie, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think you realize what a toxic relationship this is for you. He's been your ex for 3 years and is giving you all the signs and reasons you need to remember why he is your ex.

All of this is happening only because you choose to feed into his drama. You're around to be his "friend" and listen to his lies. You've had constant indications he is cheating. He has no interest in you physically. In a nutshell, he's stringing you along and you're allowing him to.

Think of how this all looks to your daughter. Is this what you want her to see as an acceptable relationship?

You simply must break away from this man completely. It's going to take a lot of strength and determination, but its the only way to save yourself and your self esteem. Talking to someone will also help you see what behaviors you can change to avoid going back into that same situation. When you've worked on yourself, other relationships that are more worth your time will come to you.

Good luck.

I saw your other message, and am a little lost by all this.

In my opinion, you are infatuated with him, and he is not feeling that way about you.

He wants to date, he does not want a wife. Everything you are saying sounds like a wife or somebody who wants to be a wife.

So, repeat this -- HE DOES NOT WANT A WIFE

Or even, it seems a serious girlfriend.

He would like to be a friend to you, maybe a FWB, or maybe even a casual bf to you, but NOT SERIOUS, and not only that but you have to accept his lifestyle choice and realize that he is not into spending money, having dates, or anything of the sort.

If you want to date him, make him dinner on his boat, hang out at the docks with him, bring him a dvd to watch together. Don't expect lavish dinners, expensive night clubs, etc unless you are treating him.

If you want to be loved by him, you have to give him all the space in the world, and in the meantime realize that he may NEVER love you the way you want him to, and even if he does come to that point you must ALWAYS give him space, let him make his own decisions, and in all ways live like an independent bachelor.

If you can deal with all that, I think you two can have a relationship. If not, be his friend, hang out and smoke his weed if you like, but expect nothing more than that.

If you are pretty like you said you are, you can find a man that will be interested in making you happy and that will care for you. Cut all contact with him, that's why you divorced him. He's obviously not that in to you, he probably just talks to you because you're always there for him and you are his punching bag. Start to have some dignity and respect for your self, if you don't do it for your self no one else will. Good luck to you, but the only voice that matters here is yours so make think what's best for you and be a little selfish for once.

I didn't make it through that whole thing (it's not too long, it just needed some paragraph breaks) but the problem is obvious. You divorced him in your head, but not your heart, and now you're stuck in the rut of a married woman worried about her husband's affairs. You never really explained, from what I could tell, why you divorced but never moved on.

Please get some counseling. You don't say much about your daughter (which, in itself, says something) and she's being shown a very unhealthy worldview of man/woman relationships. And you're miserable. Both can be fixed, but it's gone on way too long.

hi there..

first i want to say that i am so sorry for what ur going through and i feel ur pain! second, i have to be honest and say that u need to let this loser go! he is using u for security, comfort and well u name it! he doesnt love u and most importantly doesnt respect or appreciate u! this guy is preying on ur every weakness and knows u r vulnerable! when someone loves or cares for u, they show affection and build u up. this walking hormone of a man for hood rats is putting u down! u r insecure but within urself! u can fix that! and of course ur insecure with ur ex because his heart and mind isnt in it! honey, u need to focus on u! right now, JESUS would be perfect for u! He is all u need and wont ever let u down! we women r to dependant on a mans company and hun this one is playing u like a fiddle! he knows every string to pull and dance around, he was with u for 18 years! u r worthy and precious, beautiful inside and out, take care of u! this jerk has put u through enough and u need to wipe the tears and wash ur hands of him! and dont ever look back! u deserve better! u r still young and whose to say u cant get a hottie half ur age? come on, its possible, didnt u see THE COUGAR? have fun, work on u! seriously it will get hard and lonely and dont give in to him!by the way sometimes u need to listen to the emails and messages, God gives us intuitions and sometimes they are clarafied by others! praying for u! u should read, LOVE MUST BE TOUGH, by dr. james dobson!

Dear Dark Angel,

I feel for you. The guy is a rat. Can you find a way to rise above his short comings, get a breath of fresh and and move on?

There are many guys that would love to have a loving relationship with you, to honor you, respect you and worship you on a Pedestal.

For more thoughts you might want to get back to me.

Anthony

You already know the answer to your question, because you answered it in your writing. Leave. You will never have a high self esteem if you continue to let him walk all over you. If a person doesn't touch you at all in a relationship somethings not right. He sounds selfish and foolish. If he hangs around people who do drugs send him packing. You know the saying," Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are".