Best Joke Ever..........?

your face is so ugly that when you looked out the window you got charged with attepted murder

Mommyall the kids at school say I'm a werewolf Is that true

No of course not. Now shut up and comb your face

your face is so ugly that when you looked in the mirror your reflection ducked

Three people were sitting at a bar: A Russian, an american, and a blonde.

The Russian says, "Ve vere the first vuns in space."

The American says, "Oh yeah? Well we were the first ones on the moon!"

So the blonde says, "Well we are going to be the first ones on the sun!"

The Russian says, "Vhy, you cannot go onto the sun! Your ship vill burn up!"

The blonde rolls her eyes and says, "Duh! We're going at night."

What is the ideal weight of a republican? 2 and a half pounds including the earn.

The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed.

He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tlts and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"

"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.

"Nothing, but then you felt my pussie and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open.?'"

What do all tickle me elmo dolls recieve when leaving the factory????

.......two test tickles. Best ever?....no......clever?......mabey......only one I can ever remember?..........yes.

what did one blade of grass say to the other?

nothing. grass cant talk:)