What things in your house were only made to mimic luxury?

Pleather furniture

I pour 1 part Sunny D, 2 parts water and 1 part vodka into a fancy Tropicana bottle I picked out of the dumpster 2 years ago, when I was drunk on Scotch and living on on a freaking prayer.

*cries*

Alberto VO5 Hot Oil Treatment, "How hair comes alive!"

When I want to feel rich and sophisticated, I like to pour a slurry of molten Vitamin E and Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate into my scalp. I mean, who doesn't?

My Member's Only jacket with a pack of Jakarta cigarettes still in the pocket.

An antique chaise longue. The most uncomfortable thing i've ever owned.

I wanted a big fancy bathroom mirror, but couldn't afford it. I just hung a large photo of me brushing my teeth in my underwear instead.

The tiles in my bathroom. I didn't realize they were only plastic until accidentally melted one with my flat iron.

Oh, and my cooter. It looks all fancy on the outside, but inside it's like a broken down old Pinto station wagon.

Ooooh do you remember wood trim on the outside of cars? what the hell was that about? I think they were trying to make the vehicles look better..buy why?

It reminds me of the Flintstones. Instead of rocks they made a vehicle out of wood..

Utensils. My children generally prefer to ignore their existence.

The lock on my bedroom door...