I have no reason nor motivation to live. What should I do?

I ashamed to say I have no future, I've been given many opportunities in life, so I could have a future, but I lack any desire to have one.

I come from a very middle-class background. My older sisters were over-achievers and have a lot going for them, and despite us attending the same prestigious all-girls (public) school, I don't.

My father left last year, and I, being a typical fourteen-year-old with too much optimism in life, was in a state of shock. I don't particularly know why, he wasn't much of a father anyway. And my mother, she means well but I just don't like her. I don't like either of my parents. And I don't mean "OMG, I ******* HATE MY PARENTS. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME," as any normal teenager would express dislike at their parents, only to be soon reminded, that in fact, they have an unconditional love for their parents. No, I genuinely do not like my parents for who they are. If ever I feel any bit of love for them it is purely out of guilt of not liking them, because loving your parents unconditionally is always expected. Don't misunderstand me, they never abused me or anything, I just don't like them, and I would have nothing to do with them if they weren't my parents. And this passive dislike also fits my relationship with my sisters. Have you ever heard the saying, "Friends are the family you choose for yourself,"? Well, I always reverse that to suit my own situation, "family are the friends you didn't choose to have."

Enough about my family, they are only the start of my problems.

I have no friends. Not that I really want friends anyway. Well, I associate with a couple of people from my class, but we have nothing to do with each other outside school hours, and I know that they don't like me they're just too afraid to tell me to get lost. My social life is truly non-existent.

Which brings me to my next problem: I think I have a personality disorder. Possibly Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia of some description, or Paranoid Personality Disorder, or better still, a delightful combination of all three. Not to mention Hypochondria.

On top of that, I have secretly struggled with an eating disorder for the past two years (since I was 13). I don't want to get anybody else involved, they think eating disorders are all about vanity and blame it on the media, when my eating disorder has nothing to do with anyone else but me. Which is why I am recovering, alone. Well it's not entirely secret, the only people that don't seem to know are my family. I seem to have a habit of broadcasting my eating disorder, probably because I am so narcissistic. Don't misunderstand narcissism, Narcissus did not fall in love with himself, he fell in love with his reflection. Meaning that, the only way I have any self-worth is through everybody else's perceptions of me.

I'm trying to recover from my eating disorder, but for some reason I don't want to, because I will have nothing to hide behind when I am mentally stable, and nothing to blame for my eccentric ways.

And just to ensure that I am a complete failure in life: I am a pathological liar. I lie in the same way as any other Narcissistic person does. I log onto the internet to be myself and to tell the truth, yet I always seem to find myself lying again. I get a thrill out of lying, I lie at any chance I get without any shame at all. I am an excellent liar, though I lie more so to fool myself rather than to fool others, as a form of escapism you could say. Sometimes the lies get to be so much I cannot separate the fact from the fiction, which generally, I like because I don't feel any guilt and I can never be proven wrong.

I also have to mention, probably as a result of my eating disorder, I am asexual. That doesn't mean I reproduce by myself like a strawberry plant, it means that I have no sexual desires whatsoever. Which could be problematic in this undeniably sexualised modern world, where everything social is sexual.

And to top it all off, I am extremely cynical, and I have no hope in myself or in mankind, I am extremely pessimistic. Global matters affect me on such a personal level that I have very little time for my own worries, except for my occasional rant, i.e., now. I spend hours just thinking. I'd like to paint about my feelings but I now that my mother will want to see my work and she would not be pleased. I hate my own generation, who seem to mill around with no real purpose. I cannot stand that; I have to have meaning. But while I have nothing to live for, I also have nothing to die for, so suicide is out of the question.

Please don't tell me that someday I'll wake up and the sun will be shining and everything will be bright and happy and lah-dee-dah! I can't wait that long, I've been like this for quite some time now and I'm definitely giving up hope. No material thing could ever change the way I feel, nobody could ever make me happy.

But I would have some short-term happiness if you spared me the story about when you fou