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What should i do? break up with her or leave her?
We've been together a month. This is a message I was going to send her, but decided not to.
"Look...I really like you. I'm pretty sure I love you. But this relationship...It's not right anymore. It's been great. You make me happy. Very happy. When I look at your pictures, I no longer see the beauty I once did. Even the one I like best is no longer cute to me. It's been a good 4 weeks. I've realized I'm not even ready for a long-term relationship. I just don't see how I could be with the same person for the rest of my life. I mean, doesn't it get boring? Even though a lasting relationship is what I've always wanted. It kills me hurting you like this, but I can't go on knowing that I'm confused. You're an amazing person. You're so cute. Your voice and singing is that of an Angel. You're perfect. Just...not for me. I'll miss you. I wish it could've worked out. Everything I said was true, never a lie. Believe it. I do love you. I just...for some reason...can't fall in love with you. I'm going to miss your touch, your laugh, your kiss, your hand around mine...everything happens for a reason. Remember that. I know you'll wake up tomorrow, excited that we've been together a month, excited to see me. You'll try to text me, call me, I won't answer. You'll get home, realize that I left you. You'll start crying. But I want you to be strong. Yes, I love you. But these feelings are not as strong as they were, and still are, for my ex. Yes, she hurt me more than all of my ex's combined. But I'm still in love with her, a year later. Actually, maybe it's just the memories that I miss. Not her. I wish you could replace those memories with you instead of her. But that's not going to happen. I was hoping we'd be able to go to the dances this year, at least one. I was really excited to take you to prom. Or maybe I was excited about actually having a date. It looks like somebody else is going to have the pleasure of taking you possibly this year. I'm so very sorry. I love you. Goodbye"
Yeah...I mean every word of that. I'm so confused. We're both in high school, I'm a senior, she's a sophomore. She went somewhere where there is no service, so we haven't talked for about 30 hours, and she's going to be gone another 15 or so. Every time I think of not being with her, I want to cry, and my heart sinks. I'm worried that may be because I'm used to always having a girlfriend, and the past year, she's only the 3rd one I had. The last one I had was in January. And before that, it was July. I don't know. Help? Sorry this is so long.
No, I don't want to break up with her because I still love my ex. It's because of the fact that i realized I don't love my girlfriend as much as my ex.
and no, i don't have feelings for another girl. there's nobody else.
i really do love her. but i just...i keep worrying about the past. i've been pulled in, blinded by love, and then hurt. it's like they were doing it on purpose. so many times has my current girlfriend said she's not that way, she could never do that. she is different. but she could be just saying that, like all the others did. i really do wish i could cast those memories aside, and i did for a while. then i started dating her, and i got worried.
i agree with those that say the relationship needs time. maybe we should just go one day at a time. see what happens.
jessica-i am being honest. completely honest. its not BS.
about my ex, i do not plan on getting back together with her. we don't even talk anymore. the point is, i love my ex more than i love my current gf. my ex dumped me all the 8 times that we dated in between february and july of 2008. for reasons that include us fighting all the time, so she says are the reasons. i fell in love with my ex the minute i seen her, but we didn't date until a few months after meeting. but the same thing happened with my current girlfriend. we met on the internet, but she lived in the same city. she sent me a couple pictures. we met in person on the 28th of june, and my heart started beating really fast, i got butterflies, and my mind was blank. that same day is when i asked her out. i don't think i'm going to leave her.
kc-i was pretty much saying that i love her, but im not in love with her. at least i don't think. it's so confusing.
jodie l-i get what you mean. and i didn't think of it that way. i don't think i'm saying those things, looking for help.
The Jenilynn Rush-i've heard that saying before. but my ex, i thought about her every second of every day, too. and she's still in my heart. but i gave up on her. she ended up not belonging there. even though she is still there. but my current gf, she's always in my heart and thoughts, as well. i'm not sure if i want to break up with her.
Ashley-i think my ex was my first love. i've heard that you never totally get over your first love. it's been over a year. it should be easier than this, though. i wish i could get over my ex. i thought i was over her. for a couple months, i actually hated her. then i started dating my current girlfriend, and the memories started popping up again.
Carolina-i do love her. but something just doesn't feel right. and why would i tell her i'm leaving her for my ex if i'm not? i meant everything i said in this letter. i'm not heartless, insensitive, or lying. i'm quite the opposite. if i was lying about the whole thing, why would i be posting it on the internet and asking for help??
JANEY-if i seen her with another guy, i'd probably break down.
misty-I didn't realize that. i know i can't, and i know it's not right. she told me she wants to marry me a couple times. she only dates those who she really truly likes. i feel more strongly to be with her than not.
Lovee<3-Wow. I don't do weed or any drugs...but yeah, that seems really similar. I was at a point where I was suicidal, too. I hope my girlfriend does the same as you-proves it to me and sticks with me no matter what. she actually already said she'll be with me no matter what, unless I do something and can't explain myself enough. And i was going to do it in person, i just had to write it down on here for people to read. My gf says she loves me and won't hurt me. I really hope she means that.
Ok, thanks everybody. It really helped. I've come to the conclusion that I really do want to be with her. I thought I came to that conclusion a couple times before, and then ended up confused again. But I hope this is the end of it. I love her too much to let her go. She's perfect. I gave her my heart, and the power to destroy it. I just have to trust her not to destroy it. I really hope she doesn't. She doesn't seem like the type of person to. But that doesn't mean anything. I think I was blinded the times I got hurt, so I kept going back cause I didn't believe they could do that. But this time, I'm ready. I'm going to take it day by day, creating memories with her, learning about each other. She's not allowed to date until she's 16, and she's not turning 16 until January, so we have to pretend around her parents. But we're allowed to hang out every couple weeks. As we hang out more, her parents will be more comfortable with it. And I'll meet them soon hopefully an see I'm a nice guy.
28 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
ohh damnn well u know what ur a really good guy beileve it or not but u are :) ur not like evry other guy who breaks a girls heart and wont give a s*** but i UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY im actualy going through a lot of this right now with my bf..so here i'll try and help
my boyfriend was hurt soo bad from many past relationships they realyy f***ed up with his head and now hes really and i mean really paranoid and its not even the weed we should blame on this its all him well some weed has to do with this but not all i TRY and TRY and convince him im not like those other girls pretty much what ur girl is trying to show u...i been hurt 2 times really bad b/c of past relationships and it really sucked i never understood how any person could hurt someone that bad and not care best thing to do right now is get over all the girls u need to im sorry i jus kinda got confused of how many girls u love not ur fault mine i was multi-tasking but once ur every girl start off fresh with an open mind
heartbreaks hurt and feel like ur dying very slowly :( but think of it like this the more girls u date and dont work out(yes it will hurt when it comes to breakup) but its the closer ur getting to the one
If u dont wanna lose ur girlfriend tell her how U REALLY FEEL that wayshe could understand where ur coming from and can talk and work on it from there
most girls really arent like that and thats what im trying to show my bf and right now i know its hard for him to fully fall in ,ove b/c its hard for hi after all his ex's fuc** with his head to the point where he became suicidal :( but im gonna prove it to him and stick with him through everyhting maybe what ur girl is trying to do...
If u dont wanna lose ur girl u dont really have to u know it hurts more to rush in a relationship when ur not over someone no one should be the rebound for anybody :) i think u should tell ur girl u need some time to relax and chiill with the relastionships but u dont wanna lose her but the only way u can do that is breakup with her het over ur ex's and then when that happens and ur ready for all that rrlationship stuff ask her back out or start datin agin
besides if u keep getting scared of getting hurt then how are u ever gonna find someone??
getting hurt, rejected, loosing a loved one is all apart of life....unfortunately:( but u have to go through it trust me it makes u soooo much stronger in the end :D
the text message was good but DO it in person
and think of it like this u and ur ex broke up for a reason prolly cause it wasnt meant to happen and if u are meant to be then you'll get back together some way and God prolly has better things planned for u...a girl who loves u for u and wont hurt u and means it when she says it...jus becareful who u fall in love with and make sure shes worth the fall :)I know ur confused and dont know what to do but breathe in breahte out and relax and whatever happens happens for a reason just like u said :)
but for now jus relax :)
Source(s): Life </3 - 1 decade ago
that message is not something that you should send. If you are going to break up with somebody, then you need to do it in person. This message is a bit dramatic and cheesy, she may not know what to think. Especially this part: "Remember that. I know you'll wake up tomorrow, excited that we've been together a month, excited to see me. You'll try to text me, call me, I won't answer. You'll get home, realize that I left you. You'll start crying. But I want you to be strong. Yes, I love you. But these feelings are not as strong as they were, and still are, for my ex."
That is not a good way to tell your girlfriend you have more feelings for your ex. First of all, you are basically saying, "oh yeah you're gonna cry and miss me and feel so hurt that i love my ex more" it sounds cocky and self absorbed, and you don't want that.
It is so dramatic and cheesy she may not take it seriously. With the short sentences like, "Yes. I know. I love you. It's hard.... but, it's the way it is. I'm sorry." Its just so cheesy I'm sorry lol
Great job trying. I see that you mean well, and I hope I'm not too harsh. But break up with her in person. Please.
- 1 decade ago
you said it right. just speak from the heart and be prepared for her to hate you. Its high school after all. if you get this one wrong you will remember next time and do things a little different. thats life. It never gets easier. I have found that for me the most effective way to get over a guy is to have him disappear. And if you really care you will give her the same courtesy. Its sucks, it hurts, its torture, but its over much faster in the long run. The pain goes away faster that way. Good luck babe.
Oh yeah...be prepared as well for her to tell you that you have not given her a good enough reason to push her away and she knows you well enough to know that this is not what you really want or need and she refuses to let you chicken out....and maybe that wall ur ex built around ur heart will melt.
- 1 decade ago
Hurting someone is never the answer, it's a hard thing to say goodbye. But your being honest and I admire that your not being selfish if your not already seeing someone. Don't ignore her though, if you love her you'll still be her friend and be there for her to let her down easy. It'll take her time to get over it but if she's mature enough she'll look at it like your not being selfish you don't want to hurt her by lying. So I believe your doing the right thing.
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- 1 decade ago
Your trying to replace your ex with her. You can't do that. And you thinking to much and WAY to fast. You don't need to be thinking about Love right now, specially if youve only been going out with her for a month. You can't pick up with her where you lost with your ex. This is a new relationship completly different. You don't plan a long term relationship it just happens. You plan to fall in-love it just happens. Your phycing yourself out. She's only a sophomore so i dont think shes thinking about spending the rest of her life with you. And if she is you guys need to slow down. shes only lived 1/10th of her life. I don't think you should leave her/break up with her. just slow it down. and stay in the present and not worry about falling in love with her. If it's meant to happen it will. But if you strongly feel you shouldn't be with her, then you shouldn't. But don't breakup with her through a message! She'll never for give you, and probaly end up hating you. You need to do it in person, be a man. She might be mad at you for awhile, but not nearly as much as she would be if it was through a message. And if shes optomistic she'll relieze the respect you gave her choosing to tell her in person.
- 1 decade ago
I know this may sound weird
But as a girl .. if my boyfriend said any of that l would rather he was less nice
and there are things she doesnt need to know
How you are in love with your ex .. in a non mean way you seem to say them things so it helps you. To give you someone to talk to about it. Maybe you should say the things in the first few lines. The nice ones and then leave out the rest. Its to much for someone who is breaking up wit her!
- 1 decade ago
Your such a jerk! you say "Look...I really like you. I'm pretty sure I love you." Then go over and over about how you do love her and that you miss her and then you say you don't you want it over... Make up your mind but if you don't want to be with her then don't tell her that you love her, don't tell her that you miss he and don't tell her anything from this letter just tell her your leaving her for your ex and that your sorry. Don't send her this letter. I don't even know you and I'm offended and hurt from this letter! It sounds like your leading her on and then your just describing your ex and that you don't mean anything that you wrote in this freaking letter.
I hope she finds someone much greater then you because you sound like you've been leading her on and that you are a heartless, insensitive, lying guy.
- 1 decade ago
Hey man, don't do that. If the girl before this one is your ex, there is a reason for that. the relationship ended for a reason. if she left you, why would you go back when she didn't love you in the first place. and if you left her, what makes you think she will take you back for breaking her heart. if you two do go back out, and i doesn't go out well, you will only be more hurt than you were before.
remember this, "love is like glass. its best to leave it broken than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You probably don't love your girlfriend as much as you loved your ex because you two haven't been together as long, and possibly because that was your first love??? if you miss her when you're not with her, you shouldn't be breaking up with her. you need to just get over your ex.
It may be hard, but you have to give it time. You're not going to just wake up one day just because you're with someone else, and that love be gone.
I wish you the best of luck!(:
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well,it doesn't matter if it was long or not,I took my time to read it,and it was sad. If you think you should break up with her,then do it. It seems like to me,you need time to think. If your so used to having a girlfriend,then slow it down...give yourself some time to think,before you get another girl. Instead of saying you don't love your girl as much as your ex,say I need time to think to myself. Hey,everybody needs time alone. She'll understand after you say that...
