How do you Communicate with a Mother who Hears only what she wants and spins things more than a politician?

I'm at a real crisis. I realize that she hears what she wishes to be true. Like she doesn't get along with my wife, so if I mention that we've had a fight, then she doesn't listen to the reasons or even the fact that we've made up, she operates on the assumption that my marriage is on the rocks, because she would prefer that it was. I mean she even stays in touch with an ex-girlfriend from high school as if she's preparing things for when things go wrong with the woman I've chosen instead of the one she had chosen. It's an especially sensitive time to be confronting her about this devious behavior, or even anything too emotional as my father just died this past year and she's alone now, but she's been acting so... well, so... She says one thing and means another, she has ulterior motives for the things that she does, she doesn't speak her mind, but expects people to read between the lines and when she reads between the lines of what other are saying, she's making up fiction that nobody said. What's most infuriating is that it's been all of my life, and I've been conditioned since I was a baby to fall for all of the tricks and now that I'm grown, I can't help but notice it in every single conversation. but at the end of the day she's my mother and I still have to deal with all of this and love her, which of course I do. But how to communicate. Do any of you relate at all?