Ladies, I need your amazing advice. I fell in love with my best friend...10 months in the making. Story inside?

Question

This is a long story. I’m sorry about that. You do not have to read it. It’s the last 10 months of my life summed up with this girl that I fell in love with. If you decide to read and give some advice, THANK YOU SO MUCH. If not, that’s okay. I still appreciate you looking at my question. Also this is in the Wedding section because the advice everyone gives her is amazing, whereas people in the Singles/Dating section are immature and write you off.

I’ve posted about this girl quite a bit, but this problem I’m having is new. Anyway, if I had to describe the last 10 months in the quickest way possible… We went to college together for 2 years, she transferred, visited last November, we’ve talked EVERY DAY since then, send each other mix CDs and little gifts in the mail quite frequently.. I’ve told her that I have feelings for her. She started to develop feelings for me, too (much more actually) by saying things like “you’re the only guy for me, luke”, telling me that she wishes I was laying next to her while she watched TV before bed, and sending me texts that said “I miss you” at 3:30 AM while out partying with her friends. She said that I made her happy, that I was the first person she thought about in the morning… She would send me texts randomly with just a smiley face attached, and I knew that she was thinking about me. She made me feel like we were best friends and I was so happy because we are one and the same. I fell in love with this girl and… well, I was on cloud 9 just about. So one day, she tells me that she is coming to visit me at the end of the month (we live 4 hours apart) and had already bought her train ticket. I was so excited. I went out and rented a kayak (one of her favorite things to do) and bought two Taylor Swift tickets (we both like her, and she mentioned to me once how T.Swift is always playing on her iPod whenever I text her). I figured that I would pick her up at the train station, take her out to dinner, see Taylor Swift play, and then move on to our next activity. I kept all of this a surprise, though.

Then, out of the blue, we stop talking so much. I wouldn’t hear from her until the end of the day. It stayed like that for a few weeks. The night before her visit, I sent her a text asking what time I should pick her up at the train station. Keep in nind, most of this “relationship” has been through text. Very lame, I know, but she is a text monster and doesn’t like talking on the phone. Wasn’t much that I could do about that. Anyways, her response was, “Oh, I didn’t tell you? I’m not coming. I had to cancel my trip because it’s my brothers 30th birthday and apparently it’s some milestone for him. So I just said “ok” and let it go because I wasn’t about to make a big deal over it, despite being left with 2 concert tickets and a kayak that all went to waste. Inside, I was heart broken. It was the worst week of my life. My chest felt like it was going to sink in and I felt as though I could never love or get close to anybody ever again. And the weird part is… we never dated!

Anyways, I decided that I wanted to talk to her over the phone because I was fed up with texting at this point and my messages were bordering 6 or 7 “pages”. I felt that it was too important to do through text, so I needed to talk to her. She ignored my calls and texts. It was then I realized that I would need to do it through text. So I poured my heart out to her and asked her why she would do such a thing. This girl was a great friend in college and we became really close over the last 10 months. I considered her a best friend and potential life partner. And I thought she considered me one, too, based on what she would tell me. All she could say was sorry, that she never meant to hurt me, and “I don’t know what you want me to say!” I was pissed at this point.

So after a horrible, horrible week, I decided to stop texting her for a while. She caught on and got pissed. I told her that she wasn’t a priority of mine anymore, that I was trying to focus on school and my future, and friends. I told her in the bluntest way possible that she really hurt me and that at this point, I didn’t care if we remained friends or not, but if she wanted to still be part of my life, she would have to make an effort and change. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I wasn’t trying to be a *****, but she has put me through so much in the last 10 months. I had real feelings for her, and she toyed with my emotions. My own best friend. Can you believe that? In the beginning, when her ex boyfriend was making her feel bad, I was on the phone with her at 2am while she cried and cried. When her friends ditched her, I was on the phone with her saying it was okay. And when she missed her mom (bc she died of breast cancer 7 or 8 years ago), I would sit on the phone with her for however long and just listen, even if I was at work! 

So she texted me last Thursday and got pissed again because I wasn’t talking or responding to her

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

wow im really sorry to hear about this i would be crushed!! But anyway hunn you did the right thing by cutting her off!! You dont want someone that you have to chase forever or be in constant confusion with the person,, you need to find someone who at any minute of the day would want to be with you or talk to you on the phone whenever(not through text)!! By texting and not answering when you call and what not is just a little childish!! I know if my boyfriend (love of my life) callled me i would answer in a heartbeat!! You seem like a very nice guy and like you could have been dedicated to her but if she really cared about your feelings she wouldnt have shut you out like that or played you for stupid by using you only when she needed someone to talk to or only because her and her ex werent talking. Me being a girl i know how us ladies can be,, I.E. if she broke up with her boyfriend and was maybe a little torn up by it on the inside then she is going to look for the next best thing to comfort her either while theyre broken up or just in general even if she has no intentions on being with you she still felt comforted by the things a nice guy(this means you) would tell her. You dont want to have soooo many feelings for someone when they might not feel the same so the best thing to do is either cut her off completely or explain to her that you will be her friend but she needs to understand that she is DEFINATLY not a priority in your life anymore, and if on a day you decide not to text her back quick enough or whatever,let her know that she once had you head over toes and now everything you ever felt has faded away for her. You may not like not talking to her or sometimes be a little crushed that yous have lost everything that was once ther but Im telling you that you will find someone who you love unconditionally and they will love you too,, it takes time but get out there and see what other ladies may light your candle!! :) Hope this helps!!

Harmony19 · Answer

I am not a lady but I can give a sort of answer to you since I have gone through a similar situation. Of course it is not entirely same. My case had a lot of negatives attached to it but in your case t should not have been like this. of course some girls like texting more than talking and this is a real problem. Texting can never express the whole story like you have found out in your case. The only way out is to talk openly to sort out things. But if she is not willing there is nothing you can do. My feelings that she is not into you emotionally but she want to retain the friendship. Probably she values your friendship for the same reason you have quoted. She is not able to comprehend that the friendship may break because of the present situation. this may be the reason she still continues to text you even after you shun her. I can sympathize with you as well. It is not a great sin to fall in love with your friend. Love is just an extension of friendship. Ask yourself if you can be her friend alone. If yes is an answer go ahead and keep it up that way. If no is an answer then tell her and stop communicating with her. You can avoid a heartache for you.

Menley · Answer

Okay, you know in the television shows and the movies where there is that sweet, nice guy who's the best friend of the girl, and he listens to all of her troubles and cares for her... and he's secretly in love with her?  And yet she breaks his heart over and over again by dating "bad guys"?

This is you.  Except, unlike the movies, in real life the girl rarely falls for the guy.  She continues to treat him like crap until he's finally had enough and she moves onto another "nice guy".

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you need to re-read what you've written from the perspective of someone outside your situation.  You carry on a relationship through text messages - which is the least involved way to talk to anyone.  You say that you want to be friends, but you've planned this secret surprise outing for her and that you still think she's the one.

You're not friends, and you'll never be friends, because you want far more from her than she is willing to give you.  And frankly, this girl sounds like she is a piece of work.  You probably deserve better.

You're on the right track by removing her from your phone, Facebook, etc.  Keep it up, find ways to occupy yourself with friends and family in real life (no turning to the internet or texting!) and move on.  She's not worth it.

Maddie¯`·.¸¸-&gt; · Answer

ok i may be a hopeless romantic but you sound like the nicest sweetest guy in the world. I seriously want to tell you to get a plane ticket or train ticket and go see that girl. Tell her how you feel.  Tell her you love her and that everything that has happened has crushed you. Try to do it in a romantic way and not in a creepy stalker way though. Ask her if she will just talk to you because you think you at least deserve that and tell her ask her what happened. It sounds to me like you love this girl or at least like her and she may just be waiting for you to make the first move. If she tells you that she doesn't want to see you anymore or whatever then go home and i suggest counseling because it's going to be hard. It sounds to me like this girl is confused about what she wants and you just need to show her that your their for her and what she means to you. I'm really sorry and i know how you feel about having your heart broken. Good luck with everything :)

*Foolish* · Answer

maybe it is good if you waited and then called her in a few weeks but if things between you guys are still awkward then its probably not meant to be (and its proabaly not worth it, there are pleanty of fish in the sea). . . sometimes things don't always turn out the way we think they are meant to be no matter how much we want them to turn out that way

if im not making any sense im sorry i just really hope that this helped and that things start to go better for you 

Hope i helped =D

Darling J · Answer

Christ!

Okay... I'll keep it simple:

A) You have to TALK with her. Texting is BS.
B) If you love her, tell her. If you just want to be friends, then tell her that, too. Women don't like to be kept guessing.
C) If you want her to do something specific, like tell you how she feels, ask her. Don't assume.
finally

Sounds to me like though you guys have done a lot of texting, you're really bad at communicating. Either way, you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel and what you want, which I hope you know. (And, for the record, passive/aggressive tantrums aren't very conducive to a long lasting relationship.)

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Ladies, I need your amazing advice. I fell in love with my best friend...10 months in the making. Story inside?

6 Answers