my husband has cheated we have been together 17 years and have a 6 yr old son. He says he does not love me?

this relationship is over, once a man says that its done. dont hold on to the relationship because of your son. You have move on.

If you have a son, then I think you should at least try to repair your marriage, but don't expect miracles overnight. You may find that counselling helps, such as you get from Relate (formerly known as the Marriage Guidance Council) in the UK. Even if a couple don't reconcile, such counselling helps them understand the other's point of view and grievances and makes a permanent separation less traumatic.

I think a lot also depends on whether your husband is still seeing the woman he cheated with. If he isn't, no problem. However, some men insist on still seeing the other woman, while they "make their minds up what they want to do". Most of us would call that wanting to have your cake and eat it ! If your husband is saying this, then tell him calmly but firmly that this is unacceptable and either he leaves the other woman and gives his full attention to repairing the marriage or he leaves the home.

I do sympathise with you, for this must have come as a terrible shock to you, but it might be an idea also to ask yourself if maybe you contributed to his falling out of love with you. Babies and young children can be very demanding and so you might have sidelined your husband a bit without even realising it. A lot of men do have rather fragile egos and when this happens, they can get involved with someone else, simply because it makes them feel better about themselves and more appreciated. If you have been wrapped up in your son and feel you have maybe given your husband less attention that you should have done, admit this to yourself - it will you a starting point from which to operate.

Good luck and God bless.

Men these days. How can he cheat when there's a 6 year old boy in your lives. This is unacceptable. The best thing for you, is leave him.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. But the best thing for your family, is counseling. He needs to understand that this is not just a problem between you two, but also the baby. He needs to understand that having a kid with you, it is also his responsibility to take care of the child and be a good father figure. There are so many kids out there with no fathers. Does he know how important it is for a child to have that fatherly love while growing up? Speak with your husband. Counseling is a must.

Your husband had cheated on you, & communicated to you that he does not love you BUT wants to try and love you again.

That has Jerry Springer written all over it.

You've been married 17 years - the current situation that you are in did NOT happen over night. Nor will the resolution (if there is one).

Do what ever you have to do, to ensure that your child doesn't suffer. Protect them from harms way.

But it seriously sounds like you've got some choices to make. And I do mean YOU have to make. There isn't anyone in this world that knows your circumstances like you and your hubby does. I would recommend that if you can't find a resolution from within yourself and your husband is willing (and you can see past him cheating) seek professional marriage counseling. From the picture you've painted - it seems to be the only option available if you want to work though this terrible ordeal.

I have to say I've been in a same situation, only I was the child here. By the time me, my mom and my brother were ready to move out of the country and join my sister (my dad was supposed to come later), we figured that my dad has been cheating my mom for quite a while. My mom wanted to forgive him because of 17 years of marriage, but we (particularly me) pursued her to get a divorce. After my dad visited us a couple of times, my mom was convinced that the best way is to get the divorce. In short I believe you should leave a man who doesn't understand your worth and doesn't appreciate you. Your son will suffer more if he sees the situation goes on (and believe me even though he's young, he can understand it perfectly). So I suggest you save yourself and your son before it's too late. Then you can bring your son up so he won't be like his father and that's really good (when I see that my brother has become the complete opposite of my dad, I feel kinda proud that we're living while I feel sorry for my dad who didn't worship such a good family). Sorry for the really long answer.

how bloody patronising...'he wants to try and learn to love you again'. has he not upset you enough by having an affair. Well it's up to you hunny, if you still love him and want to make things work then make sure he does the running and trying, tell him there will be a few changes around the house, you go out once a week with your girlfriends even if it's just to their house for coffee, he can look after your son, he has to make dinner once a week etc etc. OR you can tell him to leave and try and make a happy life for you and your son, i'm not saying it be easy because it won't but you may look back after a yr and say wow you know what i'm actually happy.

Moving on may improve the relationship between the two of you. I'm sure it is terrifying after 17 years to think about being single again. But If he has told you that he has cheated, and that he does not love you anymore than he will cheat again, and again. You will end up hurt over and over, and your son will think this behavior is ok. I hope you can find the strength to make a better life for yourself and your child. good luck

Only you know if you want to try and work this out, if your strong enough to handle his infidelity.. i say because you do have a child , a young child at that, that if your husband is willing to own up to his mistakes and put 100% into this marriage and try why not atleast get some counseling and both make a big effort to try atleast if in the end it doesnt work and u go your seperate ways, you both know your gave it your all when your son grows up asking "why didnt you try".. which is a common question that children ask their parents when they are divorced that and "why"..

Recovering from infidelity isn't easy. The pain of betrayal, the lack of trust and the tearing apart of your heart often makes divorce an easier, and apparently less painful answer.

However, on the upside, some couples take the experience, learn from it and can not only survive, but have a BETTER relationship because of the lessons they learn.

Infidelity on the surface is nasty, painful and downright ugly. But, if you drill down to the core, it is a coward's way to get their needs satisfied. Instead of broaching the topics of your needs calmly and openly with your spouse, a person goes elsewhere.

My wife and I took our infidelity experience, learned from it and became CLOSER because we were forced to uncover the core issues that caused it, not the results of it.

Since you have kids. You owe it to these innocent victims 110% of your effort. My wife and I took over 2 years to recover from the infidelity and it was the best path for us to take. Not only for our family but for ourselves.

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I'd make an apt with Relate

Your husband's head is somewhere else and he can't think straight

I don't hear you saying that you want to kick him out

so

it would lead me to consider that at the very least you have quite a lot to talk about

best to do it with a professional

Could just be the best decision you ever madeWatchha think?

lots of people will suggest counselling...which is a option, but at the end of the day, you can t make someone love you..the only thing you can do is to try and figure out what it was that he fell in love with in the first place and try to rekindle that magic/spark...try new things, new hair, go out together for a special night out, somewhere new and exciting that you havent done before, and make him realise what he would be throwing away if your relationship ended. hope this helps...good luck.