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Are The Images In These Verses Understandable Enough To The Average Reader?

I’m trying to write this narrative poem while avoiding as many cliches as possible. But there is always the danger that metaphors and clever turns of a phrase will not be understood by many readers. So, seriously, is the message clear enough here?

(This is from a poem called 'In This Unreal City.')

*

And how can we not mock

a city so foolish

as to squander a once grand and noble profession,

trading art and integrity for a third Rolls-Royce,

while convincing the world the puppet is more worthy

of our attention than the play, or the manikin

on the runway is a significant second choice?

Thank God there are a few

visionary mavericks

who eschew the celebrity dribble to address

the Wallace Beerys of the world found in all of us.

(I realize many won't know who Wallace Beery was and am thinking about this alternative version for the last two lines. Which version do you feel better gets the point across?)

Alternate version:

who eschew the celebrity dribble to respect

the wonders of cinema for all the rest of us.

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I get very clear images from this work, although I do follow the alternate version for the end much better. I wouldn't change the term mavericks. Even if the meaning is slightly different for many, so are most words. Words are a personal interpretation & are the main reason a poem may paint one image for some & be different for another.

    Trust me Doc, if I can follow this, most can, LOL!

    Many Blessings!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I prefer the alternate version, for the reason you mentioned.

    Also I suggest you find a synonym for 'mavericks' because this word has multiple conno- and denotations following the 2008 presidential campaign and its aftermath.

    Otherwise, I enjoy your poem.

    I have an MA in English with a Concentration in Speech and Theatre, and I'm 200 years old. LOL

    Hope this helps!

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