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Please read. What do you think?
From Page 110 of my novel (so you'll have no clue what's happening)
Ice always ruins it.
James turned to look. Ice was in the doorway.
He laughed hysterically after seeing James' face.
"Looks like someone finally beat you, and it wasn't me! How sad..."
James growled before wincing.
"I hope he busted your f***ing jaw! Maybe you can shut the f*** up now. With my luck, probably not..."
"I can f***ing talk just fine!"
"Damn."
"Get out of here!"
"Go away, Ice!" I cried.
"Oh, so it speaks? Look how she clings to you. Trusts you with her pitiful life. So easy to end..."
"Shut your f***ing mouth!" James pulled me closer to him.
"I'm not dealing with this lovey-dovey s*** today. I'm feeling destructive and a good beating is overdue for the both of you."
"You're not touching her!"
I was beginning to freak out.
Ice studied us carefully. "Fair enough."
I knew that they were going to fight.
"Don't get in the way," James said quietly.
He pushed me aside and I screamed.
The first punch was from Ice. James dodged and tripped him.
"Son of a b****!"
I couldn't watch. I ran into the kitchen, not knowing where else to go.
Shouting, yelling, breaking stuff. Loud and scary.
A few minutes later James stumbled in.
My eyes got huge.
"F***er had a knife."
A knife... sticking out of his chest.
I cried out in horror. "I need to call 911!"
"Pull it out..."
"What?! No!"
"Please, Jayde..." He leaned over the counter. Blood trickled down his shirt.
I shook my head. "I can't! I need to call for an ambulance!"
I got the phone and dialed. I told the emergency operator that I needed an ambulance. I gave her my address and told them to hurry. She told me to stay of the line but I hung up.
I turned back to James. He was leaning over the counter, both hands on the edge. Blood dripped from the knife handle and splattered into a small, red puddle.
"Pull it out," he begged, "please..."
He turned away from the counter toward me. My eyes watered as my hand closed around the bloody handle.
"Do it." He braced himself, eyes closed and teeth grit.
"I can't... I don't want to..."
He opened his eyes. "You couldn't hurt me, just do it."
I tugged on it. It slid out easily. I felt sick.
Blood gushed out of the wound, soaking his shirt. Blood covered my hand, holding the knife. Blood was everywhere.
I dropped the knife, it clattered to the floor. I slammed my hands over the source of the blood.
"Why did you make me do that?!" I cried, putting pressure on his chest.
"I wanted to see..." Blood came from his mouth, I wanted to cry. "...if you would do it for me..."
"Why?!"
"I was to scared to... to do it myself..."
Blood slipped through my fingers, my hands did nothing to slow it.
"You're going to bleed to death!" I cried.
"Not today, Jayde." His breathing was ragged and he coughed up blood.
I started to cry so he hugged me. I just kept pressing my hands to the place where the knife had been. My shirt soaked with his blood but I didn't care. I cried as he ran his bloody fingers through my hair.
It must have been my bloodiest moment... And it wasn't even my blood.
So, what do you think? (Just so you know he doesn't die)
teenage guys cuss, it's what they do. But yeah.. I don't really like it cussing either. It just happens
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Wow, brilliant!
I loved the dialogue i thought it was great.. but maybe you could include a bit more description... although i think the short and snappy sentences show how frantic and scared she is, which is great writing!
I really would LOVE to read the 110 pages leading up to this scene, and anything more you've written! Please post more, it's great stuff :)
x
Source(s): me. myself and I - Anonymous4 years ago
I heard approximately something like that. yet i think of the domicile had exits. and not basically staircases that as quickly as to nowhere yet doorways that did not open or did not lead the place you theory they could. Even one door on the two or 3 tale that became a drop off too the backyard. i think of it became on a television tutor yet i don't submit to in concepts extra advantageous than that. possibly in case you googled haunted homes with some others info you ought to discover it. Sorry i'm not plenty help
- Lydia16125Lv 61 decade ago
I like it. Makes me want to know about the story more.
Nicely done, only problem that I had was you used the word Fook to much. I don't mind the f bomb but not that much. But other than that I really liked it. Keep it up.