What are the things you should discuss before marriage?

Question

Me and my fiancee are getting married next October. We have discussed children (we both want them, a few years after were married, and I will be a stay at home mom, as we both feel a traditional family structure is the best way to raise kids). We already have a pretty seamless financial plan, which we worked out before we ever moved in together. It has worked well for us for years, is changeable as life changes, and is fair to both of us. We have also discussed how finances will change after we have kids and I stop working. Neither of us have any debts, we paid for college as we went (which took much longer to finish), we paid for our shared car cash, we haven't bought anything ever on credit, and we don't have credit cards. We set up a high yield savings account a few years ago, so we have a good chunk of money waiting for a down payment on a house when we're ready for one. We both carry health insurance, have car insurance, and renter's insurance. Our wedding will be small, and we can more than afford to pay for it up front, without having to make payments.  We have discussed our individual future goals, and touched on the subject of a retirement fund. We work out our disagreements respectfully and productively and never ever go to bed mad (a bit of advice from my parents, who have been happily married for 37 years).

I think we have the big issues in life covered, finances, children, future goals. We're going into this debt-free, so we won't have to worry about that. We love each other, and we can work through anything life throws at us (we started dating when we were both at the lowest points of our lives and worked up from there together, which wasn't easy, but we made it). We just wanted to hear some advice from both sides, those who have been happily married for years and those who got divorced. You can learn as much from other peoples mistakes as their successes. This is a HUGE step for us, and we want to make sure in the remaining months before our wedding to iron out anything else that may become a big issue later on. What other types of things that we haven't discussed should we before we tie the knot?

Thanks :-)

MarieS · Accepted Answer

Dear Kiwi, after reading your post I can honestly say that you seem to have covered all the main bases really well.  There are no guarantees, however, that success will be yours no matter how much discussing and planning you do.  But you certainly have given this the kind of mature and thoughtful planning that it takes to be successful in marriage and I applaud you both.

One thing that did not seem important to me as I married my first husband was faith.  It became a huge issue in years to come and played an important part of our failure in marriage.  It is important to believe in the same way and to agree what faith your children will be brought up in beforehand.  In addition, it would be nice to know in advance who will be responsible for what task.  Will you handle the finances or will he?  Who will do the majority of the chores in the upkeep of your home?  How will major purchases be handled?  Where will you be spending the holidays? 

I really do believe that you have a very good handle on the situation.  You both sound ready and I want to wish you the very best in your future.  If more couples were like you, there surely would be less divorce.  

Have a happy life.

Tonja K · Answer

Have you discussed your children plans beyond the yes we both want them stage?  For example, traditions that are important, religion if any you want your children to participate in, each others views on discipline, etc.  These are important things that throw a monkey wrench in a "perfect relationship".  Also, since you have been to college and have a career, being a stay at home mom may not be as wonderful for you as you hope for, in the event that you decide you do want to go back to work, is he ok with that possibly happening?  I have been a working mom and a stay at home mom, currently I am a stay at home working mom (I do daycare at home) and I totally love it, I was not happy at all just being home though and I really thought I wanted that.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that living together before marriage is your honeymoon and your marriage won't be any big deal. 

Just remember to stick together no matter what life throws at you. Everything sounds good what you wrote, just remember that its a lot of hard work and both people have to work. If one person loses direction and focus and strays...then the marriage is over for both.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like you have everything planned out.  The funny thing about that is, life never lets you stick to a plan.  How well your relationship will work depends on how you handle all the things that aren't part of the plan.  Good luck.

greybeard · Answer

This is a copy of the agreement my wife and I made 36 years ago just before we were married.

Some time after we were married, we became Christians through accepting Jesus as our Savior, and have used the Bible as our guidelines and rule book not only in marriage but in everything we do.

I would encourage you to accept Jesus as your Savior and do as we did there.

We have enjoyed a good marriage even though we have gone through many trials together.

We vowed, "For richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; for better or for worse" and through the years, we have gone through all of these, but we always stood by each other through it all.

We do give God th glory for all of it. May our Lord bless you and yours in your coming marriage.




First, there will never be any such thing as divorce.
Matthew 5:31; 19:7-9;      Mark 10:2-12
(For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do we part.)

 Second, there will never be any raising our voices at each other in anger. 
 whenever we have a difference in opinion over anything, we will sit down and calmly discuss it and that we both will have to be able to give and take a little and that we will never go to bed angry at each other.

 Third, There will never be any physical, verbal or psychological violence of any kind. Eph. 4:31-35

Fourth, Infidelity of any kind will not happen by either of us and that we will both show respect for each other in every circumstance. 
Eph. 5:3;   Matthew 5:27       (Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?")

 Fifth, There will be no such thing as lying to each other about anything.
Eph. 4:25

Sixth, We will have to be one rather than two individuals. everything we have will belong to both of us equally; we will only have one joint checking account and joint credit cards and savings accounts and such.
Mark 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.ï»¿

Trending News

What are the things you should discuss before marriage?

5 Answers