A problem with the woman I was seeing ex-boyfriend and is it wrong to ask for a car back?

Question

I purchased a car for the woman that i was seeing, and she recently posted a question on here saying I was wrong for asking for the car back that we purchased. The title is all in my name.  The problem I had is most of her responses to her post were  that I was a jerk.  She didn't really tell the real reason.

When we got the car, it was understood that she would make payments and that never happened. I ended up getting stuck pay here car payments and insurance that comes to about $500 a month.  All that she did was pay for the first insurance payment.

What happened another man moved in with her that happened to be her ex-boyfriend, and to this day they still together.  Originally, he told her that the place he was renting burned down and he needed a place to stay for a few weeks.  She asked me about it and I said if it was for a short time that is OK.  What happened is that they have now been living together for about a year.  If I call her when she is home, she won't answer her calls.  She does everything to avoid letting him know that she sees me or talks to me. I think that is very wrong. Now, I feel that see made the choice to be with him over me.  Also, the man she live with has sent me pictures of him sitting in the drivers seat, and he claims to drive the car.  He will get drunk and text message me thanking me for the car.  

Recently, I even rarely get to see this woman. I may get to see her once or twice a week for a few hours at a time. She avoids staying out long because of the problems that it causes at home. And when she does come out, the man she lives with gets drunk and demands her home by calling and texting me and her.  This guy has said that he wants to kill me and that he will rape my mother. 

If she continues to put herself with an abusive person and isn't able to leave her house with out problems from him, am I wrong to ask for the car back and move on with my life?  Am I so wrong to not want to support a woman that chooses to live with someone else?

? · Answer

Wow , sounds like a tough one.When her ex moved in were you guys friends? Are you still friends with this girl? Did she know you were going to want the car back if she was to see other people? I'm asking because if she is/was your friend I don't see anything wrong with helping her out.Her b/f sounds like a real nut case but maybe he's just jealous.

It almost sounds a little like you're trying to control her?.As in, if she was to throw him out or whatever you would have no problem paying for the car.Does she have another car if you take this one back? Can you make some other arrangements with her?

Sorry for so many questions but things are not always black and white and I have a friend that recently went through something similar.

In the end you have to be honest with yourself.If you care about her , even as a friend let her live her life and try to live yours.Sounds to me like you are more fortunate then her in which case there is nothing wrong with helping people out.

Bob the Helper · Answer

look, you already know the answer to this but you don't like the answer... yes you should have never bought the car for her.  yes you are being an idiot about the whole situation. yes you bought the car with the understanding that the two of you would be together, and you were even nice enough to make the payments that she originally agreed to because you and her were together. yes shes sleeping with her ex, and shes only able to hide it from you because you are a really nice guy and you dont want to see it.

the car belongs to you. the car title is in your name. yes, she is laughing at how she is getting away with taking advantage of you. yes the only one logical solution to the problem are going to be annoyingly painful for you.

1. go get the car, drive it to a used car dealer with the title, and sell it on the spot even if you take a loss. 
2. stop making payments on the car, screwing up your credit, and hope someone will repo it soon.
3. continue to be laughed at and be played by this woman who will only give you enough sex and or attention in order for you to keep making payments on the car.

with regards to the abusive drunk guy she lives with, call the police station for the city they live in and ask to make an appointment to speak to a detective. make a police report that he's threatening to kill you and rape your mom; get it on paper!  file additional reports over the phone any time you get a text or phone call threatening you from him.  this guy has had trouble with the law for a long time, he's not going to touch you if he thinks he's going to get caught. and he's going to know he's going to get caught if you make reports.

both of them are feeding off your fear/weakness, and destiny is trying to teach you a life lesson.

anonymous · Answer

You have all the right to asking for your car back but if you could in this process of moving on from her recommend that she kick him out of her house and have her move on as well. Make it clear that you care but no longer want to be apart of her life if that man is in it. Also explain that taking the car is making sure that that is your way of moving on and no longer being involved. Hope this helped.

Anonymous · Answer

Get. The. Damn. Car. Back. IMMEDIATELY! Her ex is CRAZY! Get your car back, it's yours, you deserve it, and if the guy threatens you anymore, call the police because you are scared and you don't know if he really is gonna do those things! My bottom line! GET YOUR CAR BACK AND FAST! Or you'll regret it BIG time!!!!!

Anonymous · Answer

Jesus Christ get it together and get that car back.

ASAP!

GOOD LUCK!

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A problem with the woman I was seeing ex-boyfriend and is it wrong to ask for a car back?

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