I need help with myself, bad..!?

You have to get involved in AA and NA for the program to work, otherwise you never learn the 12 Steps of the program.

Growing up with alcoholism is too much for most of us and of course you were born into the disease and had a 90% chance of becoming or marrying an alcoholic because of it. Abuse is just a side effect, and since your dad uses it, so do you. Alcoholism affects the whole family, every member and from generation to generation. Your younger brother has a much better chance of living a normal life if you break the cycle of abuse and addiction in your family.

Because of NA you know that a drug is a drug including alcohol and you can't use any drugs or alcohol if you want life to get better. Telling yourself anything else is bullshit.

Bipolar is manic depression and all addicts have it, we just call it "all or nothing behavior," extremes, high highs and low lows and shrinks call it bipolar and impulsivity disorder. Anger problems? We know it's rage and it feels good, it's addictive and powerful, because it releases endorphins and dopamine and makes mothers and girlfriends and little brothers cry and tremble and give us our own way.

When you're sitting in jail (it won't be long you're not a juvenile anymore) and your girl is gone and your family has kicked you out, I hope you remember this and give AA and NA an honest try.

For the hurting--People/Parents/Bullies do mean things or lie to control. They just want the reaction so they can get high feel good from it. The words are not true. You can talk to me or Google "Emotional Abuse" and see all the definitions and see its all true. Knowing the truth is the 1st step to freedom from pain. They are the ones who have problems not you. They are weak, and its all about control. A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. Verbal abuse is hard to detect sometimes.

People who are abused need control often have-- Anorexia, cutting, OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, and hearing voices can all come from a tramautic past. Its opens doors to negative things like ideas of suicide. Hurting people want to hurt themselves.

Realizing you were really abused and they are the weak ones is the 1st step. Then later praying and realizing whos stronger (you/God will) stop the negative forces who are at work. This will help self esteem.

1. Read online-- for "Emotional Abuse"- Hurting people hurt others-"Bullies"

2. Negative spirits draw near this, so tell them to leave in your room in Jesus name.

3. Also Google " Deliverance prayers" youre going to need it.

4. Don't do Ouija, witchcraft, drugs, violent music/videos that makes depression worse.

Ephesians 6:4

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

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Source- Experience

You seem like a very troubled person, but i think that deep down your a good guy. But hey what do i know im 15, and i self harm and ****.

But if you are still in school? I think you should talk to the school counsellor or a teacher, that really helped me, im still self harming and **** like that, but its not as bad anymore.

If you are not in school, i think you should call a crisis hotline a confidential one and tell them about this, and try and sit down with your girlfriend, make sure your calm and as happy as you can get before you do this, and take deep breaths before speaking to her, explain this whole situation to her and tell her you are going to get help and tell her what you told us and that you love her very much. For punching the walls , you could get a gym membership and do like a boxercise class which is like boxing, or join karate, or judo/tae kwon do, anything that can help you release your anger.

I know from your post that your a good person , otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help.

I hope everything goes well for you, and feel free to email me anytime!

Ashleigh.

things can get better. im not sure how, it seems like you have just let yourself get to this point and cant get back up. your gf is a wonderful person make sure she knows that. take everything one step at a time. make a list of things you want to change and work on each one by itself till you accomplish it. have faith in yourself ti fix what you can and deal with what you cant. good luck. keep looking forward life is too great to let yourself be down

Don't take this the wrong way, but you really need to see a doctor about your mental health.