How can I get my 7 yr old to listen to her step-father?

I'm a step-mom, and my step daughter listens to me way more than she does her dad. But I think its because when I moved in (almost 5 yrs ago), I had standards on how a child should behave. And to be honest, my hunny being a single dad for 2 years, had let her run the household...it was not going to stay that way. So in the end, I do most of the disciplining and it didn't put a strain on our relationship, we still hang out all the time, and I've never gotten the "your not my real mom" bit.

I don't agree with the comments that step-parents aren't real parents. That's BS. Being blood related does not automatically make someone a parent, that makes them a sperm/egg doner. A real parent is the one who sticks around to take care of the child. Sorry, but that's how I think about it.

From what I'm getting, it sounds like he doesn't do much of the disciplining. It sounds more like you come to his rescue when she doesn't listen, and that's were I think its gotta stop. If she doesn't listen to him, he's got to discipline her. Even if it means she gets upset with him, and possibly throws out one of those "Your not my real dad" moments (she'll get over it).

Right now she is looking at her stepfather as a friend and playmate rather than an authority figure. It's good for them to be "friends" but she needs to learn that he still is the parent and she still has to listen to him. So try this: next time you want something done, leave the room and have your husband ask her. If she says no, he'll tell your daughter that if she hasn't done x by the time he counts to three, there will be a consequence, whether it be a time-out, loss of privileges, a spanking, etc. Then have him follow through. She may fight the first time, but it'll work wonders.

Put up a united front.. sit down with her together and explain to her how things will be. It doesn't matter whether it comes from you or him that she will do it the first time she is asked. If she doesn't, EG her toys will be collected and stored for the day/week until she shows respect the first time. Also tell her that you both love her very much. finish it off on a positive note. Remember to follow up the consequences or it will all be for nothing.. don't let her push her luck.

The only right thing to do is come clean with a little honesty. Be prepared though, for the man that has been acting as your son's father and been paying child support all of this time, has every legal right to not only sue you for re-payment in full of every dime of child support he paid if it does turn out he is not the father. He can also request to continue with visitation. Explain the situation to both men and ask that they both submit to a paternity test as soon as possible. Please do not consider leaving things as they are, your child has the right to know his biological father and what if your son needed a bone marrow transplant or something and in testing for the perfect donor the man who has been paying support finds out, that is not his son. Honesty will always be the right policy! Good Luck to you

I have raised my step daughter since she was four, when it is just me and her she will do whatever I ask/tell her to do. When her dad is here with us she will ignore me or make me say it five times before she gets up and does it. I think she thinks she can get away with it when her dad is around, but he's even stricter than I am. Maybe she feels since you're around she doesn't have to listen to him. You both need to help eachother, if your Husband asks her to do something and she doesn't then you need to tell her to listen to him each and every time. You also need to talk to your daughter and tell her that it doesn't matter if you ask her to put away her toys or he does, either way she needs to do it.

Personally i don't think any kid should have to listen to their step-father or step-mother. They aren't the real parent of the child and therefore should not be in charge of telling them to do anything at all. Also did you ever think you daughter really wants both you and you ex-husband back together and really does miss him, just doesn't want to or know how to express that to you? I have seen that in many kids, they are scared. She might also be starting to develop a issue with male figures in charge. Since it seems as if there was never a stable male figure during the majority of her life, maybe if it gets to a point as a therapist about it. It's best to confront and issues with people in control as soon as the arise, they tend only to get worse in time. With the child discovering more and more ways to disobey. Good luck, hope any problems are resolved :)

It sounds like he does not discipline her. Let him take the lead in correcting her negative behavior and giving her directions (like announcing bed time). If she does not comply, then don't say a word -- let him give her a consequence/punishment for misbehaving. If she then looks to you, nonchalantly tell her that it is out of your hands because he is her parent too.

She seems to really love him (which is wonderful), but she is acting disrespectfully toward him. This makes me wonder if she is looking for him to set limits, which would make her feel more secure.

Make him discipline her and not you. He has to let her know he is a parent figure and she does have to listen to him. You just need to have him have her do things instead of you asking and back him up 100%. It would also be worth a try for him to have a talk with her.

Your little girl thinks that because he is not her real father she does not have to listen to him.

and she is being very cheeky, she probable want her real father back and is at a age where she feels that every one hates her and all she want is for ever thing to go how she plans.

you need to make her understand that you and your ex will not get back together but just in more understanding language that will apell to her. You need to talk to her more than just sender her to her room or yelling at her because she is wining, because you had to step in, she is learning nothing from you two to just yelling at her, you all need to sit down together (yourself your husband your ex-husband and your daughter) to explain that she must listen to him and her real father needs to tell her that and don't just let her win if she starts yelling in a strong voice you need to tell her to stop because you are letting her win.

I hope i have helped

from lillian

GINA is RIGHT