Something is living in my fireplace chimney, it could be santa it could be a rabid raccoon?

Get that sorted & quick, It could well be the Anti- Santa who sneaks in & nicks all your stuff on Christmas Eve whle you're out getting hammered

Climb up onto your roof and start blasting away at whatever is in your chimney with a shotgun. If that doesn't work, you could go to your local hardware store (gun store) and get some dynamite to drop down in there. The latter suggestion might not be conducent to the integrity of said chimney.

This has happened to me before. Don't fall for the "It's Christmas...Santa could be in the chimney". I'm 99% sure it's a rabid raccoon or a hobo trying to sneak into your house.

I would use an air horn and see what falls out.....

If Santa dies in your chimney be prepared to make a statement to the public.....

If it's a rabid raccoon it WILL gouge your eyes out so wear some goggles.....

Do not make a fire unless you want to be smoked out of your home and have the stench of fried critter (or Claus) in your chimney for weeks after. Get yourself an exterminator and a chimney sweep.

j0e

I am not a hobo! Let me out of this damned closet.

You aren't thinking big enough. It is a whole family of rabid raccoons, and you should train them to be your evil rabid eye-gouging raccoon army of the night.

If it were me I would climb up and pour a gallon of hi-test down from the top and drop in a road flare.

I suggest...you investigate. Bring a magnifying glass...be like SHerlock Holmes!

I suggest you check it out. What If the Christmas Stork delivered what you've been waiting for? I think you'd rather get it while it's still al dente, rather than blackened.

A peeping Tom. He's filming you with one hand and touching his self with the other.

Find his peephole and duct tape it.