My husbands EX wants her new boyfriend to adopt their 9yr old son! My husband is distraught! Help please?

Question

My husband and his ex split 6yrs ago, when their son was just 3yrs old. Although there is no formal custody agreement his ex always said she would never stop my husband seeing his son. He would get first refusal over birthdays and christmas (over her family as he and them didn't get along) but that didn't last. She would allow my husband to visit and call. He would visit at least every 2-3 months (300 mile journey) and call every 2-3 days. Then my husband met me! In the beginning the ex seemed fine but then it started, she would change her mind on when we could visit, if at all. But when she met someone visits resumed just not as frequent. My husband and I found out we were pregnant and of course we wanted his son to know asap. With that news his ex not only stopped visits to every 6 months (birthday and christmas) after a chat with her new boyfriend, they decided that it would be best for my husband not to call his son anymore. So phone calls every 2-3 days went down to nothing! What was my husbands son being told???? 2 years on his ex has had a baby and has another on the way and to top it all off wants her boyfriend to adopt my husband son. We both know that the only place this is going to lead is to my husband having no contact with his son. If he says no to signing over his parental rights she will make it impossible for my hubby to she his son, saying "If you don't sign your rights away you can't see your son!". Then on the other hand signing them away tells his son he doesn't care or love him anymore! Which is ridiculous! We have followed suit with his ex every step of the way to avoid the very thing we are now facing head on, contact ceasing! My husband is in a lose lose situation! What rights does he have and should we go through a custody battle now? I advised my hubby to try and get his ex to allow him to have some time to talk to his son alone! But only being granted contact on 3 separate occasions in the last 2 years my husband and his son are strangers, but not for want of trying on my husband part. I have never seen him so upset and he wont talk to me about it because he is hurting so much. How can his ex be so heartless as to think this wouldn't affect both father and son! She has created the divide between them all because my husband has played ball and done as she asked and stayed away, visited when allowed and not called, she will now use this against him by saying he didn't try. He doesn't have her phone number just her mobile and she doesn't answer when he calls and very rarely will she reply to a text message when all my husband is looking for is reassurance that his son is ok never mind when he's trying to request a visit. I feel like tearing my hair out. I feel we have played right in to her hands and now she has my husband over a barrel. She wants to meet in a neutral place to discuss the adoption, my husband says no way. He is not traveling anywhere to talk about giving away his son, and I am behind him 100%.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He better not sign anything over like his parental custody rights God forbid something happens to the mother who then will care for his son? I think he needs to get to court right away, I hope he has some form of child support records for his paying support of his child,it will sure help his visitation schedule. No court will ever deny a parents right to visit there child. He has to sign away his parental custody rights and he would regret it from the moment he did it.I feel bad for the kid he must be really confused

Anonymous · Answer

There is a very simple solution here.You guys are obviously misinformed about his rights.

First of all, why has your husband allowed his ex to use his son like this? the kid is how old and he hasn't been in the picture? Obviously his ex is a crazy women not caring about her child since she wants to shut his father out of the picture.


What your husband needs to do A.S.A.P. (like he should get on this tomorrow) is go to court and file for visitation with his son or better yet, joint custody.He should have done this when then broke up.Once a visitation order is established, the child's mother cannot dictate whether or not the child's father gets to see him or not.If she goes against the court ordered visitation agreement when it is his time to get the child, she will be found in contempt.

Obviously your husband loves his son and doesn't want to give up his rights...so tell him not to sign ANYTHING from her or OR anybody representing her.Don't have any contact with her until this is settled.Don't let her use you  or the boy anymore.Be aware that she has probably brainwashed the kid by now.

Good luck.

Robin · Answer

I think we are missing something here. Why was there no formal custody agreement? Does your husband pay child support? If he does he needs to go to court. He should have had a custody agreement in the first place so she could not jerk him around. He has completely played into her hands. He needs a lawyer ASAP. And he should not sign anything. A neutral place should be his lawyers office.

Hannah · Answer

Don't sign over any rights and this other man cannot adopt the child without the biological
fathers permision. The only way this is likely to be resolved is though a custody battle, maybe it's worth telling her that he's going to go for full custody of the child and then she may be more reasonable. Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Your son is an adult now as he is over 18. Your parental rights are done as far as any of that is concerned. I think that he can legally change his last name to your ex-husbands but that still has to go in front of a judge for that to happen. Have your ex go to court with him so that the judge knows that he is okay with the change. I don't know that he can be legally adopted because of his age now. The only special circumstances that would change this would be if your son was disabled.

Stinkerbell · Answer

Well this has deffinetly gone too far to be able to discuss it with her, it is time to contact a lawyer.  To be honest I would have dont it two years ago.  This new man will not be able to adopt his son unless he signs these papers but his ex is obviously not going to allow more visits if she has gone this far so yes, its time for a custody battle and I would consider moving home so you are both closer to his son.

Greeneyed · Answer

go to court, she can not keep him away the way that she does. I don't really understand why he is just letting her call all the shots. She cannot legally do that . Your husband needs to go to court nad get court appointed visitation rights and phone contact even if it means getting the son a cell phone just so he can call.

e-mama · Answer

if you and your husband love your son and step son, fight for him. she cant take his fatherhood away from him. he has equal rights in a court of law unless he is regarded as unfit to care for the child which i highly doubt. get a lawyer asap and tell him or her what a struggle it has been to see your son on the mothers part. fight to have him holidays etc etc and make sure you have been paying child support as this could effect things in some states not sure which. if your husband wants to have his son in your lives then you will have to fight for him, the mother is being a complete douche unfortunately. very best of luck to yous:))

bigdaddywhosscared · Answer

if he is paying child support she can't stop him from seeing his boy go threw the courts and he will get all that back

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My husbands EX wants her new boyfriend to adopt their 9yr old son! My husband is distraught! Help please?

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