Am I going crazy/insane or is this depression?

Question

I'm tired of life & my existence, is change possible?  The world changes, people change,  so why can't I?  I'm stuck in an existence that is unfulfilling.

People walk by & my social behavior is beyond unimaginable.  They see a looney individual, due to my poor mannerisms and behavior, or lack of, they point their fingers and laugh, but in return, through my eyes, I'm pointing my fingers and laughing right back at them, as though living in my own world, within my mind, and not really caring how the world views me, but only caring about my view of the world.

Is my mind closed off to the reality of this world?

I'm almost oblivious of the fact that I carry myself this way, until supposed "relationships," with fellow individuals that we label as "friends" pointed out facts about myself.  I guess it may be due to the chemical imbalance in my brain, but yet that maybe just another excuse, one of many, that I conjure up just to make it through life.

I am a chameleon, in a sense that I disguise myself and my emotions and tell lies just to "let them hear what they want to hear" to make them, what I believe, is the "right answer," so that they can be happy and so that I may avoid conflict all together.  

I'm a shy guy, but consider myself VERY NICE to the point of literally, "giving the shirt off my back," and being pushed over quite often, I have lost my "righteous" view of the world, where I believe in the goodness of others, but after hearing about albino children being slaughtered by Africans, due to lack of knowledge, this world has always and will be Darwin's theory, Survival of the Fittest.

Lately, I would drift into my own world, unsatisfied with reality, and going about life in "stand-by mode," and always imagining what the world could or may be, yet these foolish fantasies in my head have gone to a halt, with reality being the next bump in the road.

I have self diagnosed myself with Social anxiety disorder, yet I have not seen a psychiatrist/psychologist/m.d.  I know that self diagnosing yourself, can be really bad, because if your mind thinks you have it, and you keep thinking you do have it, eventually you will have it.  

HELP ME?!?   how you might ask?  I don't know, I just need to know that there are people out there that somewhat think like me, or am I the only one?

Beth J: Pray for Hooch · Answer

Mike. No you are not the only one. And you really need to find a group of people that are like you so you can work through your problems and issues with them, while a person trained to help you is there in the room.

You already know there is not one person on Yahoo that can give you what you need or are looking for. I have a feeling you asked here because there is a certain safety net in talking with complete strangers that you cannot see. When they cannot see you, they cannot judge too harshly and if you define your problem for them, they will not be so inclined to look much further. 

Mike you already know the only real solution for you is to seek help from a professional. I am sure you know your sessions with a psychologist will be totally confidential. I have worked with a lot of people that define themselves precisely as you do, so you are really not alone. But I can also tell you that everyone of those people had someone in their lives that really cared about them and wanted them around for a long time. Sometimes they would say there was no one, but there always was someone. 

Please go and find someone to talk to Mike. Do not allow yourself to sink any lower into the abyss.
Good Luck and since you remind me so much of someone very special in my own life...  I will be thinking about you.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't jump to heavy medication. It sounds like you are depressed, which is typical this time of year. There is such a thing as seasonal depression. I'd be interested to know when you noticed the change in personality. 

I think we all go through dry spells. I go in and out of them all the time. I find that talking to a friend, writing in a journal, etc help. Do things that do make you happy and FORCE yourself to go. Avoid things that frustrate you too much. Stop reading the news. **** happens in the world, but you shouldn't let it get to you. YOU, personally, didn't do anything wrong. You can feel remorse towards the tragedies but the world needs happy people to balance out the horrible things people do. You can change yourself. You just need to be willing to grow. :)

I hope this helps. Keep living life. Watch happy-g-lucky movies, eat ice cream, pig out...and then...once you get that off your chest...then do something about. Seek an outlet. 

You can do it. I know you can. Seek a counselor and talk it out. Figure it out. Don't resort of medication straight away. You may need it but try to talk it out, if that's what you need.

hockeyplyr99 · Answer

You are not alone. Personally, I think the "Survival of the Fittest" idea is a sham. Consider the fact that in order for us to evolve in the first place, cells had to JOIN TOGETHER COOPERATIVELY. Or how about the old saying: "two can live as cheaply as one"? That, my friend, was Darwin's blind spot. I have realized now that Darwin was wrong. Unfortunately, our world is becoming somewhat like the world that he envisioned, but not all is lost. I'm going to include a link to the website of one of my favorite authors. The man offers a lot of hope for our world.
http://www.brucelipton.com/

Tjb · Answer

You got to learn to be more hateful to all the pricks around you that don't give you any respect. People are dickheads and you have to treat all the cocky people you meet like they are horseshit and not let them take advantage of you that's a rule I live by. I think you have kept all these feelings pent up inside of you and it's starting to show now. I would say just change your self into what I have mentioned above and you will feel better. As for taking medication I would try what I have mentioned above and then try medication if this doesn't help. I personally like to solve my problems without medication but that's your call. Hope this helps.

Catie · Answer

no you are not crazy and no you are not the only one out there who is like this. there are many other people all over the world who may be facing problems like yours too. and i believe that what you describe may be depression but i'm not a doctor so i don't know for sure but try to take a relaxing vacation or do some fun activities that you like and see if you can cheer up. if not then see a doctor because you probably do have depression and they have treatments that can help you. hope this helps =)

Anonymous · Answer

trust me, a lot of people are like that and everyone goes through these depressing stages.  and life is definitely not like 'survival of the fittest'.  there are a good percentage of the world that spend their time saving and helping those in need.  maybe in the future (u seem to have a deep concern for the alibinos being slaughtered, etc...) u could help people like that.  and, in addition, u'll fulfill ur life's purpose.  make friends with people who have a good sense of humor and have a respect for you, there aren't many people like that, but they're there.  life isn't all that sad and pathetic, u just have to look closer.  and life is that way, their are horrible and depressing things but there are also unbelievably beautiful things.  look closer ;)

bernauerk · Answer

You aren't crazy, and you definitely aren't alone.  Thanks for helping me out, too.  I feel like I should be giving you the same advice you gave me; relax!  
If you ever want to talk/vent/whatever you can e-mail me (bernauerk@yahoo.com)

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Am I going crazy/insane or is this depression?

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