I don't have any friends at all.... :'(?

There are some of us naturally prone to having a huge social circle; people flock to them like mothes to a flame and those people always have a million Facebook friends, and a million options of where to go on a Saturday night. I am not one of those people, and neither are you. The little known fact is that there is nothing wrong with that. Some less social people are intillectuals, others introverts, and some just don't like to be around a lot of people and prefer to be alone. I've always said that if you're happy, don't change for anyone, but you don't sound happy, so maybe it's time for a change! Keep in mind, though, that you're family is often the greatest group of people to have on your side, as is God (and people doubt their Faith sometimes, it's only natural. Let yourself doubt God, it's healthy and will make your relationship better and stronger.) I think we all have people who care more about us then we realize. For example, I have a friend I haven't spoken to in years, but it's unintentional. I still love her dearly, and I'm sure many people love, care, and really respect you in a similar way, it just doesn't feel like it sometimes. Like with the friend who texted seeming concerned and then never seemed to actually care about the cause, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. He could have been at a loss for words or something, but either way you know he was concerned. Let that be of a great deal of solace to you.

Also remember that the first year of college is h-a-r-d. It's hard in so many ways, academically, anxiety-wise (after all, you're away from your family for the first time ever! Even if you still see them a lot or even live with them it's a huge change.), but most of all it's near impossible socially. I understand, believe me, but remember it's hard for everyone, you're not alone. I think the worst part of being in college (and also the best part, in some ways) is the fact that you're treated like an adult. That's wonderful, in so many ways, but it's also terrifying. Adults have lots of friends, they navigate through the social world with ease and never have the same problems you did in High School, right? Wrong, but that's the impression given. My point is, don't feel like you're the only one who feels a little out of place, and is struggling with adapting to the social responsibility.

Joining clubs or sports really doesn't help a lot, I agree, especially if you're shy and don't do well when meeting new people for the first time. Instead, let yourself be comfortable with the fact that you are shy and don't have a lot of friends, and the minute you're comfortable, you'll be confident, which is what attracts people most, don't you think? Easier said than done, though, I know. So my suggestion is, instead of emersing yourself in events teeming with people like clubs, sports, or parties, how about working on a relationship with a somewhat-friend you wish you were closer with! There's less pressure that way. Oh, and another little technique I've picked up over the years? On your first day of class next semester, search out the girl who looks terrified. Go over to her, say "hi", and I guarantee you'll be off to a great start.

Good luck with all of it, I wish you the best, and hope, hope, hope it works out for you, as I'm sure it will. Until then, enjoy the quiet of being alone on a Saturday night. It's magical if you try hard enough.

Be well :)

That is annoying when people ask you about something, you answer, and they don't care after wards. I know what you mean.

I've never been good at making friends. I've made an okay number of "school friends", but since I've graduated high school, none of them really count anymore. I have lots of facebook friends, but I never see those friends anymore, either. All I have are about 4 good friends and my boyfriend. I have been friends with one since I was 12, and the rest I've met through her. Making friends is hard for shy, introverted people like me. And being that I'm not in college, I don't really have any opportunities to make new friends (not that I need them so much, I guess...but still).

I know it's really not the same, but I went through most of elementary school without real friends. So I can understand how you feel. I don't really have any advice for you though, other than joining clubs and all that, which you don't want to hear, or talking to people in your classes, and if you have a job, making friends out of your co workers. And just like you said, it does take a long time to make a really good friend.

You seem like a nice person. I'm sorry you have no one to lean on right now. A lot of people seem to like you here, though, so I'm sure anyone would be willing to, at the very least, talk to you, and let you vent if you need to. And I'm sure you could make lots of friends IRL if you could find somewhere to do it.

Best wishes.

I have always been like this and I'm in my 40s now...moved around a lot and went away to college, then to grad school, crisscrossing the country back and forth several times, and with each move it takes me a while to make new friends. You have only had one semester of school. Unless you are happy with having superficial acquaintances, which it sounds like you are not, finding good friends that are suitable for you requires at least some history of shared experiences. Chances are when you start attending smaller classes you will get to know people with similar interests on a more personal level. Think about friends you had in high school and why you got along with them.

Meanwhile it's not the end of the world pursuing things on your own. For me, I like the freedom of doing whatever I want whenever without having a consensus first; then when someone comes along with enough similar interests who's fun to be with it's fun sharing. I also have several really good friends that I keep in touch with even after I move which makes transitions easier...as well as family members (they count too). There will always be a few people who find this independent behavior odd, but many more who seem to admire it.

I understand where you are coming from. About two years ago I got in a fight with my best friend and it didn't end well. Once we stopped being friends I realized I had no one else to fall back on, it took time but with in a few months I started to re-make friends with the people who I hadn't being that great of friends with. All I can say is you have to be a friend to make a friend. Forget about the past, focus on the positive side of things, and keep moving forward. You will make friends if you put forth the effort to call your friends and make the effort to try and hangout with them. I hope this helps. Oh and don't worry God has your best interests in mind, always. Look upon this situation as a learning expierence, that will make you a better person. Never take anything for granted! Good Luck!

Kandice,

I kind of know what you're feeling, I felt the same way a few years ago, and it really sucks and it's a real slap in the face to realise that some people who you consider(ed) friends really aren't and really don't care.

I agree though, with what the first answerer said, you do discover your true friends and sometimes they really aren't people that are that close to you, or even that you talk to regularly. My best friend and I weren't even friends up until this year but we did find out we had a lot in common and we had our differences and that really made us best friends, i know she cares, because I never find myself questioning our friendship.

I think there is a lot of time and a lot of change and maybe you're yet to meet someone who can change your life like that and someone who you *know* cares so much that you don't for a second feel like you need to question it.

A lot of people are just nosy and are only asking because they want to know the "goss" or to know everything about everyone, and those people are people you don't need in your life. Neither are ones that aren't there for you when you need them, you deserve so much better.

I know from your past answers and questions that you have been through a lot and I wish I could help you more but you can email me about anything and I'm happy to listen and give advice if I possibly can, sorry if I'm not much help with this because I'm not in your shoes and I don't really know what more i can say because i came across my true friends by chance.

Like I said, email me any time, I'm always happy to talk. :)

I am really sorry =/ Your right friends do not just happen overnight, developing a good friendship takes time. I have been in your position before and I know it sux. I mean what do you do when everyone you consider friends are not there for you when you really need them?? You know what you do, you realize they are not your true friends and you move on with your life. Honestly though most friends come and go and it is hard to find those true good friends who really do care. Eventually you will find them though.

On another note how is your friend you posted a question about yesterday??

You are one of the sweetest most caring people I have met on Y!A. You can message me if you want to talk about anything.

I was kinda like this a few months ago. Even my therapist told me the same crap about joining a group or whatever. Not my forte. Plus, I tried that when I was 17, and it sucked.

All it takes is for you to build up some confidence and talk to people. Simply starting with a compliment can lead to small talk, and eventually friends.

And you have to keep searching till you find someone that will give a damn. They do exist; you just have to keep being patient, and you will get the rewards of caring friendshipe. Email me if you ever wanna talk.

VIVA LA RAZA!

i know how it feels to be lonely. now you know who is worth your time and who isnt. when everyone has fled from youre life, you tend to be very lonely and you just dont trust too many people because you are afriad of them leaving. it does take time. believe me i know. but there are two roads in life: te past and the future. what happened in you past is done and cant be changed. all we can do is make the best of what we have for a better and brighter future. trust me it is hard and i know that. it takes strength and encouragement. it is in these times that we find out how strong we are. sometimes the support we need starts off small and then grows. but never lose hope. while i dont know you, i know how you feel. there are so many problems with my family and i have no idea if we can ever come together and make it whole again. and friends...well my friends all went away to different colleges. i started college not knowing anyone and going thru all that stress alone. i know what it is like to be all alone in this world. but while i was alone, i did learn that i shouldnt shut out the world completely just because i was hurt. there are people out there who are willing to help. if you want to talk, i know i will listen and give feedback. i love helping people. my email is guyana_gal91@yahoo.com.

College is where you meet your friends for life. I should know. I had friends in high school, but the people I went to college with I continue to talk to and no one from high school. I'm 24 so I'm not saying this from an old persons point of view. But don't you have a roommate? The people on your floor are the people you will most likely be friends with. Try chit chatting with them, you know just ask what's their schedule like for this semester. You'll find someone with your interest and before you know it you'll have true good friends.

I kind of know what you mean. I have tons of friends. but they are more like

oh-hey-you're-here-and-i-have-nothing better-to do-so-i-guess-i-can-hang-with-you friends... they care because they think they should....not because they want to. i mean i like them and appreciate them but really... currently there is one person I can depend on and we haven't talked since school let out on the 18th and i don't know why. but i know what you mean..when you need you friends there they run. you didn't really ask a question...so i don't really have anything to answer. lol. but you're not alone. and like i have said times before, if you need anyone to talk to email me. :) i actually have more close friends over the internet than I do in real life. :P so maybe you can become friends with people online. (I'm not hinting to email me..but you can if you want.)