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Should I opt out of the Christmas gifts next year? The family all together?
My nephew is 13 and my niece is 11. Would it be o.k. for me to stop giving them gifts at Christmas if I said that I no longer wish to receive them? I never receive a thank you note or a verbal thank you. Instead, I get complaints and obnoxious behavior. Each year, I call my sister and my mother to obtain lists and buy gifts from those lists. But something always seems to go wrong and I am made to feel that I have somehow "messed things up."
This year, I bought my nephew a video game. Unfortunately, someone had given him cash and he went and bought the video game himself the day before I arrived. I would have offered to return my gift, but then he complained very vocally and constantly that I always mess up the gifts, so I decided to let my sister and brother in law figure out what to do.
Three years ago, I bought my brother-in-law a CD. Again, this was a CD that HE asked for. Apparently, after my sister caught my niece and nephew listening to it a few months later, she decided that it was not appropriate for children and called to give me an earful about it. But it wasn't a gift to the children. I figure if you don't want someone to buy you something, don't put it on a list...
Ever since the "CD" incident, my gifts have been received with verbal assault. "I wonder what he bought THIS year..." as a running joke. Well, the joke is a little old.
I don't feel much like continuing to buy gifts if I am going to be mocked for doing so. And after this Christmas, I don't much feel like giving cash or gift certificates either. My brother in law and my nephew both insulted my mother over the gifts she had bought them (gifts that they had asked for, but that they really didn't want. In all honesty, the insult to my mother was the last straw.) In fact, I think I would rather stay at home for Christmas and not drive 12 hours to be with my sister's family.
Should I opt out verbally, or should I make excuses next year as to why I am "busy."
9 Answers
- wendy gLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Wow. If I were you, I'd absolutely STOP the gift giving. Period. No more. They don't deserve it. Any of them. What jerks, and sorry about how they've trashed your generosity.
Don't make excuses, simply tell them around Christmas next year that you will not be attending, but have other plans. When they try to start in about the "lists," cut in and say, "Oh no, I won't be there, remember?"
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Wow,I have the same situation going on with my Niece & Nephew too!
My Niece is 19 and hasn't been to our Family Christmas in 2 years now so I've decided not to buy her any more gifts and letting her know I don't need anything either....(I never get anything from her anyway though)...My Nephew sometimes shows up at the party so I keep a fast food gift card handy for him; he's 14...My Bro in Law divorced their Mom 2 yrs ago...
I think the final decision is ultimately up to you as to what to do,but if I were you I'd opt out rather than put yourself through that humiliation...Its sad that kids today can be so materialistic anyway....
>=)
- DeadLineLv 61 decade ago
Wow, that really IS crummy behavior toward you. In my opinion, those kids ARE too obnoxious to deserve your generosity - anyone's generosity! And insulting your mother, when she's elderly? What were they thinking?! Especially the brother-in-law... he's an adult, after all! But the kids are old enough to know better, too. Reading about your dilemma is making me feel so bad...
Anyway, if I were you I'd opt out of it for sure for 1 year at least. See how they respond to it. Don't give them any reasons until they inquire you about it. Then, tell them what you've just told us and try to make them understand why you're opting out. Don't try to lay the blame all on them for it'll surely start an argument, but just tell them in a reasonable manner that X-mas isn't all about gifts - it's about family and friends - and that they ought to appreciate gifts instead of bashing them because it's not all your fault that things go wrong - after all, you're only buying them what they've asked for! It's not like you're buying them something they REALLY don't want!
Oh, and I agree w/ the above answerer - give them a card at the very most next year (just so that a family feud won't occur), but don't waste your energy and generosity on ungrateful ppl like them until they apologize and learn to become grateful and appreciative.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Your family members seem rather ungrateful and rude! I think you should still send a card but do not give them gifts! If they enquire as to why you have not given them gifts tell them that you do not apreciate the way that they have responded in such a negative way in the past, and suggest that you decided that instead of causing them the bother of reciving an unwanted gift you decided you would rather spend the money on yourself or for a gift of someone who will appreciate their gift! Don't feel pressured by them it is your money to spend and not theirs!
Hope this helps!
Source(s): I have equally ungrateful friends! I used to think really carefully about their gifts and buy them each something really special (I have a group of 12 friends) and personal to them! I then realised that they didnt really apreciate it and that the gifts i recived in return did not take much effort (chocolates that i don't like, soaps and sprays i am allergic to often bought from pound stores). Needless to say my christmas buying list quickly got shorter! - Christmas FanLv 61 decade ago
Wow, it sounds like a Festivus celebration (with heavy emphasis on the airing of grievances). At the beginning of the Christmas season, I was asked why I didn't eat more and didn't I like the food. Now, I am told that I am overweight. Your sister really needs to talk with her kids. This scolding by kids is way out of line. OTOH, the kids might have learned this behavior from their parents. I am tempted to suggest that you give each ungrateful person a bundle of twigs telling them that this is part of "European" tradition (Father Christmas does this to naughty kids) or the traditional American/British lump of coal. You do need to have a talk with your sister about this inappropriate behavior (calmly, if possible). However, I am not really optimistic that anyone is going to change.
- Sweet n SourLv 71 decade ago
Yikes, I think you should get them a pillow with a picture of a horse on it, and a card that says never look a gift horse in the mouth. And then, let that be that.
You have tried hard to get them what they ask for, and they are still critical? Unbelievable.
- 1 decade ago
Sorry about your ignorant and rude family members. They are ungracious and ungrateful for the efforts you put into your gifting. Get them a card and consider them lucky they got it from you. That would be the end of it for me. I treat others as I would be treated, but I won't be anybody's doormat. Up to you.
Source(s): I am working - Miss QLv 61 decade ago
Sorry about your ignorant and rude family members. They are ungracious and ungrateful for the efforts you put into your gifting. Get them a card and consider them lucky they got it from you. That would be the end of it for me. I treat others as I would be treated, but I won't be anybody's doormat. Up to you.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
just don't buy the brats anything. let them read this.
