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Is beauty in the eye of the beholder... c/c?
Plum Beret
To complement her knee high boots
In shade of rich, dark purple plum,
She bought a beret, mix of wool
With knitted gloves made by her Mum.
At only thirteen years of age,
So gifted with artistic flair,
She aimed at making cute design,
To make her friends just stand and stare.
With crystal beads and diamond shapes
She glued them lightly into place
To form a perfect flower head
Which, sparkled bright against her face
Illuminated, clear, pale skin
A gleam inside her pool black eyes
She looked a picture of delight
Her aspect rivaled starlit skies.
And off she went her chums to meet
A stylish swing of violet cape,
Her charm and beauty left behind
And all that stayed had mouths agape.
HH - This young girl was a natural beauty, who had enhanced this further by the beaded decoration on her beret. When she left the room, everyone was remembering her charm and were quite bowled over by her looks. No pending disaster here. It was a friend's daughter - sorry if you didn't get it. Happy New Year to you and thanks for checking in
14 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Love the 3rd stanza.
A perfect ending.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Oh that is too precious, and the FLOW from start to finish was impeccable! (so if there are any umm, 'peckers' out there, you best back off, cause it is as i said IMPECCABLE!)
had to add a little humor. but It is going to get a star!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I love high boots. Spent the better time of my life - wearing them. The last two lines - leave a question - as to meaning. ♥
Her charm and beauty FOLLOWED behind
And all that WATCHED had mouths agape.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I like this one, and it reads and flows very well up to the final stanza which if you left out completely would enhance this poem. However, If you feel that it is necessary
I see it like this:-
And off she went to meet her chums
With a stylish swing, of her violet cape
Charm and beauty left behind
For those that stayed with mouths agape.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
"Her charm and beauty left behind" -- does this mean her style ruined her natural beauty or everyone remembered her, or she got hit by a car or she only dressed like this in secret or what?
I am one of the mouths agape, because I have no idea what is meant here and things like "stand and stare" and "pale (bloodless?) skin" and "violet (violent?) cape" foreshadow some disaster IF read that way, but are completely innocuous if the ending is just how charming she was.
So you have left me behind, and I wasn't hit by a car!
Happy New Year!
- Semp-listic!Lv 71 decade ago
I am not a critique by any means. I loved this descriptive poem. Is she your daughter?
- neonmanLv 71 decade ago
Cute poem with fixed meter and end rhyme. My only petty critique would be to work on flow more. An example would be S1L4 try 'with some knitted gloves made by Mum'. 'By her Mum' tripped my tongue. Perhaps just me. Overall though, a delightful read and as a father, I would want a chaperone for her! lol
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You've painted a vivid picture and the meter is absolutely terrific... done to perfection. You have the gift of the narrative poet, whether you write in rhyme (as you have here) or not.
- ?Lv 71 decade ago
It is lovely,I can imagine all eyes on her as she walks into the room.Happy New Year Cassie.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It sounds as though she did not need "adornment" to wow her chums but played with fashion as a way of dressing a doll. Written to perfection !
