Joke's you wont want to miss?

Best Feature ****

Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that he has nothing under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!".She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these breasts! they are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"

Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming - That was me!"

Newspaper Ad ****

A woman posts an ad in the newspaper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

Who's the Boss *****

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss.The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, he should be boss.The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss.The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss.Then the *** hole applied for the job.The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the asshole became mad and closed up.After a few days the brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, the eyes got crossed and unable to see.They all conceded and made the *** hole boss. This proves that you don't have to be a brain to be boss.....

..........Just an *** hole.

Who is Jack Schitt *****

The lineage revealed:Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Soon you will be able to handle this situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner in law firm, Knee, Deep & Schitt.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, the twins Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull Schitt. Against his parent's strong objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt married Mr. Scherlock and, because her kids were living with them, decided to keep her previous name,hence, she became known as Noe Schitt-Scherlock. Dip Schitt moved south and married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son and named him Chick Noe (after his grandmother) Schitt. He became known as Chick N. Schitt for short.Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse Schitt. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa. Their only son, Tough Schitt, became a professional wrestler and later moved to Minnesota to pursue a career in politics.Now when someone says that you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

Help Wanted ****

"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, t