My 15 year old daughter refuses to end a forbidden relationship she has with a 20 year old.?

Question

Two months ago my daughter introduced us to a boy who claimed to be 17.  He seemed very respectful when I first met him, so I allowed her to go out with him.  One week after they started dating, my daughter who clearly knows our rules decided to refuse to come home and stay out all night.  I called the police for advice and when she came home I made sure to get his address and his mothers telephone number.  I decided to call the mother to find out if my daughter was at her house  overnight or if he did the same thing to his mother by staying out all night.  I found out that he was not 17, but 19 going on 20 and had been in a lot of legal trouble.  I forbid my daughter to see him, as well as told him he could no longer see my daughter.  Between staying out all night and my daughters behavior, I grounded her and took her phone away.  Two weeks later, when checking on her at 2:00 am, I discovered that she snuck out of her bedroom window.  I called the police, and they stayed nearby so when my daughter & the boy arrived back at my house, they were able to apprehend and arrest him.  He was charged with contributing to a minor, obstruction and sexual contact with a minor.  He is out of jail on bond, has a "no contact order" & is awaiting trial.  Even with all of that, the few times my daughter has gotten her phone back they have immediate contact. Or she straight out will tell me that she uses her friends phones at school to talk to him and theres nothing I can do about it.   My daughter has been in counseling for about 4 weeks and unfortunately no break throughs, she insists they still have a relationship and when she is 18 she will marry him. 
Listening to her, she almost sounds brainwashed.  I feel like I don't even know my own daughter.  We have always shown her love, supported her emotionally and financially, and have been very involved in her life.  She has become almost impossible to talk to - constant outbursts and also constantly lying to us.  Therefore she has been grounded for a little over a month.  She is currently begging us to turn over custody of her to another family member because she says she can't stand us or living in our house. I just don't know what else to do.  I'm constantly on edge and barely sleep for fear of her running away.

1DisneyNut · Accepted Answer

Don't back down. Being a 20 year old girl myself I respect all that my mom had to go through with me at that age. Everything she did I know she did it because she cared and wanted the best for me. Your daughter doesn't understand that now but hopefully she will later on. This is probably her first major boyfriend and what she thinks is love is really infatuation. She probably thinks it's cool to that she's dating this 20 year old guy. If he's been in trouble with the law don't get to know him. Your daughter is better than that. You do what you can to show her that you are the boss and you mean what you say. Nail her window shut. Get an alarm system that she doesn't have the code to so if she tries to leave then the alarm goes off. If you feel like you have done all that you can then send her off to boarding school or something like that. She wants to be in control but don't let her think that she can be. Once she thinks she is she will use that against you in every confrontation you two have from here on out. She may not like what you are doing now but hopefully she will understand one day. And tell her, as you probably know, her butt couldn't be sent to live with another family member just because of a situation like this. Mothers a paralegal and she laughs when she get cases when the child wants to live with someone else because the child wont get their way at home. Good Luck. Do what you got to do to protect your kid.

Reikka · Answer

She still has 3 years before she can legally marry him.

Try to get proof that he's breaking the no contact rule and show it at court.

She breaks curfew or anything of the sort, call the cops.  Let them take her to jail or juvie whatever it is, maybe it'll knock some common sense into her.

She's going to learn one way or the other.  If she's not already sleeping with him she will be soon and could very well end up pregnant.  And then when he wants nothing to do with her anymore she'll come crying home.  Sometimes you just have to let your kids learn the hard way.

Girl &lt;3 · Answer

I did this to my parents when I was 12 he was 18. They hated him and did all the things you are doing to your daughter to get me away from him. I think if they would have just let us see each other we wouldn't of dated for so long because I just wanted to rebel against them and show them I would still see him regardless of their thoughts. Counseling only made me feel like I was crazy. I did run away with him but my parents didn't call the cops I came home 2 days later and broke up with him because he had tried to have sex. (obviously right he was 18!) Hmm I really don't know what to tell you because I am not a parent I just thought I would share how I felt about it and I really hope this helps you. Don't give up she'll know the real 20 year old eventually and realize that is not what she wants to be around. Good luck please email me if there is anything else i can answer regarding your current situation.

Sarah · Answer

this is going to sound really mean and horrible. i don't have children and i'm only 20 but it is advice i have gotten from a woman in her 40's who has worked with teenagers for a long time. if they threaten to run away from home, maybe you should let them. she suggested that you pack a bag with a few of your child's clothes and take her to the nearest youth home in your area. once your child has spent a week there and has abided by their laws and seen teenagers in worse family situations then herself she will settle down and come home and respect all your decisions.

this is just a suggestion. youth homes are very safe and run by qualified people. they all have some experience in counselling so it might help your daughter with her therapist. they also have strict rules and curfews and you must either be in school or work to stay there. at least this is how they are run in australia

Krazy · Answer

wow that's a hard situation.i would say that making her stay in the house and not giving her any freedom at all,will make her run away.Sometimes there is nothing you can do.don't you see ,your daughter is now wanting to leave her home because sh wants to be with this boy.is it worth losing your daughter.The only thing you can do is let her know you don't approve but also let her find out on her own that this boy isn't good trust me she will.unground her and gain  her trust by telling her that she can tell you anything and let her know you are there for her,if you don't you will lose her....the reason i know this is because my mother lost her daughter for the same reason at 14 ,my mom did the same things u r doing and my sister left with the man......please don't lose her like my mom lost her daughter,they hate each other to this day,its not worth it just let her be,and give her advice when  she asks and be there for her.............or you will lose her and maybe forever!!!!

●•šϋβIімε•● ●·˙·•ǿиє•·˙·● · Answer

shes 15 and in love.... sounds like you either need to start beatin her a.ss or get to know the boy... those are your choices for now... when is his trial? i hope that you will be there to tell the judge that he is breaking his no contact order... you should already be telling the police that he is still in contact with your daughter... i'd go all the way and put her in home school and nail her windows shut and put an alarm on the house. shes gonna end up pregnant. probably on purpose.

Anonymous · Answer

i would say, "let them keep seeing each other if he is a nice boy," but he is in legal trouble? Hmmm I suggest speaking with his mother and letting her know how you feel. If she won't help, then get an alarm system for the house and make a password that your daughter doesn't know. If a window is opened, the alarm will go off. 
Best of luck,

"Sherry" and ps: PLEASE REPORT THIS ANSWER...im trying to get my account banned. 
Thanks!

mRm · Answer

your daughter is going to do anything to see him, she can sneak a phone behind your back. she can do anything if you let her. im sorry to tell you this but i was your daughter once and i left my house right when i turned 18 to marry my husband who was 5 yrs older than me. so just watch her closely because if she's in love with this guy then she will do anything to talk to him your only making her want to do what you dont want her to do.

Leia · Answer

Your not gonna like this answer... But shes 15 and if shes using a friends phone at school, you cant stop her. If your hiding her phone where she can find it, you cant stop her. Maybe before you involved the cops you couldve stopped it but... now if he'll have her, she will marry him just for spite. Im sorry but I hope the consuling makes a break through. Good luck

Anonymous · Answer

its rough being you but imagine how she is going to feel when she learns that she is being used by some old dude..... i say let her be and after this guy gets what he deserves she will cry and then find a new thing to obsess over

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My 15 year old daughter refuses to end a forbidden relationship she has with a 20 year old.?

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