This is major. Never have I encountered an emotional tussle, as I did- just yesterday.?

Dear who ever is out there:

Before yesterday, lately- I have been emotionally struggling for many reasons...

Here it goes... (drum roll) a great portion of my emotional tussles is due to my inexplicable past experiences- which, still, day in and day out, haunt me on a regular basis. With that inconsideration, just yesterday evening I found my hamster upon the living room floor- unconscious, unresponsive, without pulse, and no sign of a single breath. When I finally accepted the fact that my hamster had died, I immediately reached for a switch blade knife and violently slashed across my capillary artery. I watched the blood splash from left to right before throwing myself on the floor, and then I landed face first onto the floor. When I awoke, I remember looking up at the ceiling, counting the dots aloud in the hospital room. A women doctor and a few nurses tied me to the bed as I screamed- while dosing off into a deep comfortable sleep.

Today I woke up at home with my family standing around my bed side. They all looked at me with with sorrow, but said nothing to me.

I'm scared.